Now today I had an interesting conversation. Just like I coach people at high levels, I have my own coach that I work with. Now, this coach allows me to see the forest from trees and often in conversations a lot comes up. You see, I always am interested in canceling because I got it all handled. In this conversations, what came up for me was the topic of self-sacrifice.
I was talking to my coach, and we were talking about what was going on. I’m building a new business. I’m here in Santa Barbara traveling with my family. I have a lot going on, and I’ve been waking up early in the morning to answer other people’s questions, to answer your questions for the daily growth hacks, to help Author of Your Own Story University not only get off the ground but excel and make it the best program possible. The one thing I haven’t been doing is taking care of me. Now with all this talk and coaching that I’ve been doing, I’ve neglected myself. Now, this has happened before, and it’s going to happen again. It’s a pattern that I need to break. It’s a pattern of self-sacrifice.
For me, I want to make sure you’re happy before I take care of myself. I want to make sure my wife has what she wants before I think about what I need. This goes with my friends, my staff, everybody around me. It’s in my nature, but what this prevents is it prevents me from operating at my best and filling their cups and filling them out of me. You see, what happens is I’m answering emails. On the other hand, I have a cellphone answering a phone call and putting out other people’s problems while trying to get dinner ready for friends coming over and taking care of something else, and it stresses me out.
Not only does it stress me out, but it ends up with me resenting the people around me because they’re not helping me do it. That’s not their fault. I trained them to do this. I was self-sacrificing, subconsciously but still self-sacrificing, and then resenting the others. When it came time to have time with my friends that were coming over and with my family, I had nothing left. I was completely drained. Yeah, I solved 50 problems within an hour, good for me, but the reality was I was self-sacrificing and then when it came down to what I really needed or what I wanted to achieve, which was a connection with the people that I care the most about, I was drained. I had nothing to give.
Now it reminds me and as I share this story with you about myself, how often are you doing this? Are you a mom that’s self-sacrificing because you’re trying to take care of your kids and your family? Maybe you’re a father who is working his tail off at work, going into work early, staying late, so he can take care of his family so they can have everything they want, but you’re missing out on those magical moments. Maybe you’re a student. Maybe you’re a student who’s self-sacrificing for your roommates and making sure you’re driving them around or taking care of them. Maybe you’re just doing this for your friends.
Maybe you don’t want to go out on Friday night because you want to better yourself, but you know your friend is lonely. You go out to the bars. You go out to the clubs to take care of them while neglecting yourself. You see, I believe we all do this to some levels, and we’re all working on this, and we’re all working on bettering ourselves, just like I am. That’s why I have a coach, and that’s why I coach people. This is a pattern that we can get into, and seeing that pattern for itself allows us to escape it. I’m going to ask you today is grab out your journal, write down your five to thrive.
That’s your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business, and where in those areas are you self-sacrificing? Where are you draining yourself to fill other people up rather than filling your own cup so it spills over into others? I can tell you from my personal experience that this is a habit that I need to break and something that I keep going through in a normal cycle. Every time I break out of this cycle, everybody around me is happier. I’m able to achieve at a greater level, and I’m able to help them at a larger level because I’ve taken care of myself. You know they say you can’t love anybody else till you love yourself, but that’s the same with actually helping people. You can’t help others until you’ve totally and fully taken care of yourself.
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