Just earlier this week, I was talking to an entrepreneur on LinkedIn. They had sent me an inquiry asking about my coaching services. After further investigation, what really was coming into it was he was looking at a career change. Should I start a new business and leave the current company I’m in? Should I go study philosophy at the university? Should I take time off and travel?
When I started digging in, really what he was telling me is, “Look, I want to do all of these things, but I feel like I have to do one or the other because that’s what society is telling me. Society is telling me that if I’m leaving my job to start a new job, that should be my sole focus and nothing else, and if I decide to study philosophy,” which is something he was interested in, “Then I need to go to formal school, formal education to do that. Now of course, if I want to travel, then I can’t work and I can’t study, I just travel.”
This was a dilemma, and a dilemma he had been in for over a year. Now, an extremely intelligent person and successful by all accounts. He really had his stuff together, but what he was living in a state of or, right? We’ve talked about this before, not a state of and. He wasn’t being true to himself and who he wanted to be.
Upon further investigation, or really just a conversation between he and I going back and forth, really what he wanted to do was start a new business while being able to travel and just learn more about philosophy. He was really into stoicism, which is really popular right now, and so I talked to him. I said, “Well, why can’t you do all three?” Crickets. He didn’t really know why he couldn’t do all three, just really hadn’t thought about it.
We talked about this in a previous episode about dogmas, and we’ve also talked about should, so we’ve talked about this many times before, but we see this coming up all the time. I see it coming up in my own life, right? I see myself coming up in this. Even in doing these daily growth hacks, I look at other people that are doing videos online, and one of my resolutions in 2018 is just to be out there more and be able to provide the content that I have to a wider audience. I spend countless hours. I’ve put in my 10,000 hours 10,000 hours ago when it comes to business development and personal development and coaching, and I want to share that with the world so everybody has a chance, not just my private clients.
Even with that when I look at my own self, where am I going through this whole dogma? Do I have to have a suit on to show that I’m a professional businessman? I had this conversation last week with one of my clients who said, “Doug, no, you’re not that guy. You’re very casual, and that’s one of the reasons I like you,” which really flipped my mind. I was like, “Of course.”
I don’t have to look like Grant Cardone or some of these guys that are always wearing suits and ties and driving Bentleys. That’s not me. That’s not what I’m about. I don’t want my money to be allocated to that. I love Grant Cardone and total respect for him. That’s who he is and he’s being himself. That’s just not who I am, and I found myself living in the world of comparison. The reason I wanted to do that was to get my message out to more people because sometimes you have to give people what they want in order to give them what they need.
Now, even this morning, I was out working out and my coach is an amazing fitness professional, extremely knowledgeable and intelligent, and he wanted to share his passions. One of his passions has to do with a multi-level marketing company. When he was talking about the benefits of supplementation and getting your food right, really prepping the new year, he was giving a great talk that had information that everybody in his group really needed to hear. When it came to actually recommending the products that he truly felt in his own heart were the best, he shied away from them. He wasn’t true to himself in this case because he really didn’t want to be thought of as the multi-level marketing guy.
We all know that person who just is pushy and they’re from one multi-level marketing company to the next to the next to the next, and they’re hitting us up on Facebook, on LinkedIn, all over the place. We all know that person, but he’s not. He just really uses a particular supplement because he believes it’s the best and it’s worked for him. He is an amazing man, but he shied away from that because he wasn’t being true to himself.
I’m giving you three examples here. The entrepreneur who reached out to me for coaching, myself, should I wear a business suit, which not is really me, and my fitness coach right now, my trainer, and who I work with, not being true to himself and really showing people through his heart, “Hey, this is product I take and this is what I recommend, but you can do other things.”
Those are three examples, but I invite you to say hey, are there any examples in your life, and I suggest to you maybe that there are. What I want you to do is grab your journal, write out your Five to Thrive, your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business, and then what I want you to look at that is where are you not really being true to yourself?
Are you like me and you want to get your message out there, or you want to do something greater in the world, and you get stuck in that comparison of, “Okay, well, maybe I need to do something different. Maybe I need to act different or display myself differently.”
Maybe you’re like this entrepreneur that I was talking to and you really want to go out and do a lot of different things. Your life has changed. You’re older. You’re more experienced. You have new chapters, but you’re stuck in the world of or rather than the world of and. Maybe you’re like my friend, my coach, who actually just don’t want people to look at him badly and think he’s being pushy, but really wants to share his true beliefs with people.
Where are you? We all have them, right? In your Five to Thrive, what areas are you finding out? Next, I want you to shatter that disempowering belief, right? Just shatter it. Just laugh at it. That’s what I do. I laugh at myself all the time. If you’ve ever been around me anytime I make fun of myself, and not in a mean way. I laugh at myself. It allows me to shake it off and come into it.
In fact, even when I speak at different events, people joke, “Oh, Doug doesn’t even own a suit.” I own several, but I just don’t like wearing them. It’s just not who I am. It doesn’t feel right on me. I’m a tee shirt guy. That’s just who I am, and that’s probably always who I will be, but who knows?
Where are you? Where are you in your Five to Thrive and where are you not being true to yourself? Again, now I want you to shatter that belief and the way you can shatter that belief is just simply by laughing at it. You can also write what is true for you. Replace the disempowering belief with a belief that is true for you.
For me, for example, I could write something like actually who I am is very casual and comfortable, and that allows me to reach people on a deeper level because I can meet them at their own terms, and I can communicate to them in a way that lands on them, rather than trying to push my way through. I find this to be true, and that’s often what people tell me about my own teaching style when I work with them is just very comfortable, very conversational, like talking to a friend, and that’s what I want. That’s all I want, so why would I change that? I do this with all my Five to Thrive and I invite you to do the same.
I also invite you to share this with three people you know, just three people. It’s really easy. You just share it. Grab the link, share it over, and tell them why. Tell them that you want to have a conversation with them. Tell them that you want to grow with them. People love that. Create your own community.
Of course, go to AuthorOfYourOwnStory.com, click on the community button, which will take you to our private group, and join our community. We’d love to have you in. We’d love to have you as a member and foster your growth along the way. That’s it from me today. Go out and inspire someone today by simply being the author of your own story.
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