Have you ever flown into the wrong airport?
I just did.
Never knew how people could do something like this, but now I do.
As I sit here typing this at a coffee shop outside London, I’m struck with the irony that I also happen to be reading a book titled “The Surrender Experiment.”
When I booked my tickets, the email came back with “London/Heathrow” as I had expected. What I didn’t do was check the actual tickets. They showed “London/Gatwick”.
People were traveling from the US, other parts of Europe, and all over the UK to be at a retreat – and the location was picked so it would be easy for me to get there from the airport. No other reason.
Now here I am.
Sitting somewhere else.
Smiling as I sip my coffee and laugh at the mistake.
Is this divine intervention? Or just a lack of attention to detail?
I don’t know, but I lean towards the later.
Either way, I chose to surrender and enjoy the moment.
That’s all we have really – the moment.
What else do I get to surrender today?
What about you? What do you get to let go of that you cannot change?
It’s an interesting experiment to surrender. It takes massive control to let go of control.
I wonder what it would have been like if I would have completely surrendered when employees, friends, stole from me?
I wonder what it would have been like if would have completely surrendered the countless times I felt like my back was against the wall in my business?
I wonder what it would have been like to surrender when a loved one lied?
I think life would have been more peaceful.
Then again, all we have is this moment, and that’s in the past, so in this moment, I chose surrender… and to always double check my travel plans.
Growing up, I was always a chubby kid.
I was bigger than most of the kids my age and certainly more physical. The result of having two athletic brothers who were 7 and 10 years my elder, yet encouraged me to compete at a high level.
I excelled in sports and played all day every day – but I was also a fat kid.
I was also, and still am, pasty white. Although I spend my youth in Southern California, I couldn’t get a tan to save my life. I had two skin tones: white and red.
Older kids made fun of me – I beat the kids my age up if they tried.
My yearbooks were always filled with “Have a great summer. Hope to see you. Get a tan.” Every year.
Crazy how those things can affect you as a child.
The summer before high school, the weight melted off like butter put into the microwave. Overnight it seemed to disappear magically.
Just this week, I was assembling exercises along with a friend and high-level coach, for a program we’re putting together on mindset.
For some reason, one exercise called to me. It was an exercise on limiting beliefs. For a brief moment, I thought, “I’ve done all these already. Let’s move on.” But I didn’t. I chose to stop and actually go through the steps as they had been taught to me and how I now teach them to others.
The result stunned me.
The question goes something like this (I tailor it for each person, so it’s always a bit different):
What belief do you have about yourself, or the world in general, that has limited the quality of your life and your results and has stopped you from pursuing your dreams?
Nothing right? I’ve done work like this for over two decades. Surely, I’m perfect.
Immediately, my that little voice that sturs the back of my head shouted out: You’re pasty white and fat! Once you get a tan, get down to 8% body fat, then you’ll be ready to start sharing what you’ve learned with others.
It might sound silly, but this touched me in a very profound way. The emotion swept through me like a tsunami of hurt, shame, and regret.
I was instantly brought back to times when I was rejected – cut from the soccer team the last day of tryouts because the last test was how fast you could run 200 yards despite being one of the best players. Why? I was too fat. And then to countless times trying to “get a tan” at the beach, in my back yard, and even with chemical sprays… all to simply get severe burns… sometimes 3rd degree burns on my body.
Now, I realize that these are very much 1st world problems, but to me as a child, these were my very real problems.
As a man in my 40’s, I didn’t think these still affected me, but clearly, they did.
The reason I share this will you is because we all have these stories lurking in the back of our minds.
Yes, there are stories. Stories written long ago and stories that deserve to be rewritten.
Your story will be different than mine, but until you examine it, it won’t be a story, but rather subconscious programming… a filter through which you view your world.
So I ask you, what belief do you have about yourself, or the world in general, that has limited the quality of your life and your results and has stopped you from pursuing your dreams?
Is it true? If you were to stand in front of a judge and jury, could you prove this belief without anyone questioning it?
I’ll give you the cheat sheet. The answer is always no. It’s a story. You might fight to keep your story, but it’s still a story.
The next step is to write one that empowers you. Write a story that allows you to live your best life…now.
I’m too old … becomes, I have wisdom and experience.
I’m too fat … becomes, I am perfect just the way I am right now.
I’m too dumb … becomes, I solve problems quickly and effectively.
Step #3: Become the world’s best defense attorney and defend your new statement with evidence of it being true.
I’ll use myself as the example here (gulp):
I am fat and pasty … becomes I am a leader.
I have always taken care of others.
I run many successful companies.
I mentor and coach business owners from all over the world.
I take the high road.
I grow so that I may teach and help others along their journey.
I have always stepped up when needed or called upon.
You get the idea.
? Bonus Points: Share yours. Share it with me. Share it with a trusted friend. By sharing it, you release the story. It will most likely sound stupid to someone else, but that’s because it’s a disempowering story. That’s ok. It’s just a story – the difference is you’ve built evidence to prove to yourself that your disempowering story is true. It’s not. And trust me when I say that the person you share this with, they have a story that isn’t serving them too, so you give them permission to step out of their story when you share yours.
Manifestation is an interesting word.
I’ve heard it a lot when the movie The Secret came out. This was because it was trendy and popular. The term seemed to die off a bit and I was fine with that.
Once again the word seems to have sprung back to life, but more likely, it’s the books I’m reading and the people I’m hanging out with that is the real cause of me hearing and seeing this word over and over.
Or is it something else?
As I think about this, I realize that’s all manifestation really is – thinking.
It’s creating an intention (a thought) and then placing your attention on that thought.
Athletes and performers have been doing this a long time – centuries I’d guess. They imagine the perfect game or perfect performance and rehearse that move, shot, or speech over and over and over again.
I do this often when I speak in public, though it’s usually while lying in bed or the shower, the fact remains that I set my intention and then put my attention onto the outcome. I guess you could say I manifest it.
The more I coach people and get coached, I realize that like all things in life, our personal development comes down to the basics. It often requires you to go through complicated processes to break it down to the basics first, but in the end, it’s the basics that give you most of your results.
So if manifesting comes down to your thoughts, then how often are you paying attention to the thoughts going on in your head throughout the day?
Perhaps more importantly, what are the thoughts that you keep thinking, or saying, that you repeat over and over again?
“I’m sick of being broke.”
“I’ll never find a partner.”
“He doesn’t get me.”
“I’m not good enough.”
If I were to “listen in,” what would I predict about your future?
Bonus points if you share this with someone else. Getting it out helps set you free and helps you put attention on changing your intention.
Manifest away. ?
Being authentic is the new black.
We’re all tired of the fake appearances people give on social media…
… and in real life.
I’m guilty of it.
I was raised with the notion that you don’t share your dirty laundry.
Well, no one wants to wear my dirty laundry… or my clean laundry for that matter (style’s not in my in my zone of genius apparently).
Yes, authentic is the new black.
Last night my wife and I went out on a date night.
Dinner… drinks… and a documentary.
Before you start judging me about taking my beautiful lady to a documentary, let me tell you that she picked it.
It was Rachel Hollis’ documentary (slash infomercial).
And it was great!
I didn’t know much about Rachel’s story. I knew she wrote a best selling book and had a few podcasts – one of which she does with her husband that my wife and I listen together when driving on longer trips.
What caught my eye the most was Rachel’s ability to be unapologetically herself. It was beautiful.
Rachel certainly put in the hard work to get where she’s at, but I believe it’s her ability to be authentic that allows her to connect with her audience.
What are you going to do to strip away the mask and be more authentic today?
I watched a documentary about a man who spent time in prison. He didn’t feel the punishment was befitting the crime as he didn’t think there was a crime.
But, when they were interviewing him, he said something that struck me:
“Going to prison was the best thing that could have happened to me.”
My initial reaction was that he must be playing for the camera. I wouldn’t blame him. We all want to look good, if even to ourselves.
Then when the interviewer pushed him further, he said:
“Look, I can either look at this as the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Be sad that all my money was taken from me, my career ruined, and I could go around telling everyone how I was wronged… and I’d be justified in doing so… but I’d also be miserable.
Or, I could look for the good in this situation and take the stance that my creator allowed me to experience this so I could grow as a person and learn lessons about life and about myself that I couldn’t have learned in any other way.
Yes, this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s up to me to choose whether I want to look at this from the negative side and then be miserable, or take the other route and look for the positive so that I can continue to move forward.
I may be drinking the Kool-Aid here, but I like the flavor a lot better than the alternative.”
I love this way of thinking. There have been too many times in my life when I have created stories that don’t serve me. Too many times I’ve been wronged and thought “why me?” only to have that thought hold me back if even for a day.
Why do we let these conscious thoughts control the way we think, the way we feel, and ultimately the way we project out into the world.
Today, make sure you’re drinking a sweet flavor of your story that fills you up and tastes damn good! Life’s too short to be sour.
My wife and I often say that we want our son to stop growing up so he will stay the cute little boy he is. Of course, we don’t really want that for him, and we also know that change is inevitable.
There have been several books written on change.
For many people, when things change, they can elicit a feeling of uncertainty and chaos.
Others run towards change.
What does change mean to you?
I’d love to know your definition.
Do both of us a favor and don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, but tell me what your true definition of the word “change” is for you.
Complete this sentence to yourself: Change is…
What are your wins for the week?
Do you write them down?
I take a siesta each day, but right before I do, I write down my wins for the day so far.
I repeat the process at night (mostly).
I make sure to get five down each time.
Each time I start to write them down, I think “there can’t be that many wins since the last time I wrote them down” and much to my surprise, there they are.
My to-do list is never ending, and it’s easy to focus on what doesn’t get done, but when I write down my wins, I’m always left feeling accomplished and proud of what I’ve achieved in such a short period of time.
The only difference here is the mindset.
The mindset of a winner (wins).
The mindset of a loser (what didn’t get done).
The choice is yours.
The dreaded 404 error.
This is the error you get on your screen when you click on a link and it takes you to a dead end – a page on a website that doesn’t exist.
This is frustrating, but at least you get an easy to recognize error message.
In business, this 404 error shows, but it doesn’t show up as clearly to the untrained eye and so, most business owners keep moving forward until it’s too late. This results in undue stress, anxiety, and the feeling of being stuck without knowing what to do.
These errors come up if other areas of our lives as well or course, but are often ignored. They tend to be the most painful in our relationships and often deadly in our health.
Just like a website, we all need constant maintenance to ensure we’re operating at our best. Someone to not only check for the errors and clean them up but to teach us how to do it ourselves so that we may become masters of our own domain.
When’s the last time you went through your business, relationships, health, or spiritual being to clean up your 404 errors?
Isn’t a good time… now?
During my morning meditation, a thought came to mind.
I’ve always had the most success when I was having fun.
This is true as an athlete, where I felt like I was in a state of flow – in the moment. The game seemed easier to me and I would laugh (which would worry people).
This is true in my marriage. When I chose to simply be the CFO of our relationship (the Chief Fun Officer), then our love seemed to magnify and the bond between us would get stronger.
This is also true in my business. When I chose to “play” with my work, time seemed to slip through and money would come in more readily.
Is it really this easy?
It certainly is when times are good, but what about when times are harder? Can you still have fun?
If not, then why not?
If yes, then let me ask you a question – are you having fun with all three areas mentioned above in your life now?
Try it and let me know how it goes.
Play hard… or soft… doesn’t matter as long as you play. ?
What’s your #1 priority?
Really. What is it?
Not your, “this is what I wish it were” #1, but the real #1 priority.
About six months ago my wife and I hired a coach. An intimacy coach.
We hired her not because anything was wrong, but because we both have been coaching people for a long time and both would commonly say, “I wish they would have reached out to us sooner! We could have helped in an even bigger way.”
We hired our coach because we realized that more often than not, people seek help after something has gone wrong rather than being proactive. We didn’t want to be those people. So we invested both time and capital in getting the best coach we could find.
During the last conversation, we had with our coach over Zoom, she asked us a simple question: “Can you make sex your absolute #1 priority?”
Well, we’re also incredibly honest with ourselves and each other… the answer was no (at least at the moment). We both felt a sudden panic and were shocked at what came up for us. I wondered how I would be able to provide for our family as that was my current #1. My wife wondered how she would be able to have some alone time as she had a toddler hanging onto during his every waking second.
We were both scared.
Not the fear you would typically see, but we were both scared of letting go of what we had truly valued and prioritized. It’s not that sex was low on the list – it was very high, but it wasn’t truly #1. Shocking – I know.
We immediately looked at each other (this all happened within about 10 seconds) and laughed. We had been putting fear first. We were in a scarcity mindset: scarcity around financial and business abundance (mine) and scarcity around personal time (hers).
I then posed another question (the coach was smiling at this point as often either Erin or I would take over as if she wasn’t there): “What WOULD it look like if it was moved up to #1? No BS, but truly #1.”
We made answering this question very fun on a date day the following morning, and the results were that our fears were very unfounded.
The point of this isn’t to prioritize your sex life, though I do recommend it if that’s an option for you, but to ask yourself what would life look like if you moved something important to you to an actual #1 position.
For me, this meant being able to walk away from meetings, skip the gym if need be, change my schedule, and perhaps give up one of my businesses. It doesn’t mean I have to do that, but if it’s really #1, then I have to be willing to do all that and more.
What about you? What’s your #1 and what would it look like if you changed it to something else?
How would your life be different?
How would you show up to your partner, your team, and to the world?
I’d love to know.
Oops… gotta go… priorities are calling. ?