Control and passion. I was talking to a business owner that I’ve been coaching for almost six months now and one of the things that he really wanted was to find more passion about his business. He was like, “Doug, I really want to find more passion. You know, that fire in the belly that you have.” And in the conversation, I said, “Great. That’s fantastic. And that’s something I can definitely help you with.” And I said, “How do you feel about letting go of some control around your business?” You could see his whole state change. He became stoic and almost fearful, but fearful in a protective way.
Now, we have a great relationship. And, as I do with all my clients, I break him down and it becomes a friendship. So he let me in. But I know him. He’s very stoic and very almost statuesque in the sense that he wants control over everything. Control to him is his lifeblood. It’s his security. It’s something we’ve been working on together since I started coaching with him. When I mentioned letting go of control, again, you could see him visibly just tighten up. Like, his butt cheeks clenched type tighten up, which is pretty funny. And then you just knew he couldn’t have any passion. You see, what happens is, when we want control … like in a relationship, you want control of your partner because you don’t want them to leave you. Or whatever it is. Or your business, you want control over your business because you’re scared that these clients will leave you.
Having control … you can’t have passion and control at the same time. They’re different sides of a coin, so to speak. If you have an immense passion it means you don’t have control, you just let loose of yourself. And I applaud you for that because that could be scary. Right? But if you want control, if control is so important to you, I’m gonna ask you why. Why is it important to you? What are you trying to protect? Oftentimes, when we want control it’s really fear. We’re afraid to let ourselves go. We’re afraid to dance like nobody’s watching. We’re afraid in our business we’re gonna lose our clients or something’s gonna happen.
So I ask you if control is important to you then what are you afraid of? What’s the worst case scenario? And I encourage you to write that down. I had him do this and his worst case scenario wasn’t so bad. And then when I said, “Hey, look, if you really want passion, try letting go of the control.” And for him, we worked on this for several hours where we actually had incremental things that he felt he could do. Things that he could just let go of over time to allow more passion into his life. And it actually springs up.
You’ll find this in yourself. I’ve been fortunate to be working with this,because I was somebody who had to have control in my early 20s. Now here I am in my early 40s and I’ve done all kinds of work, from meditation retreats to going down to the Amazon rainforest and working with a shaman, to doing plant medicines here in the United States. Areas that allow me to bring more passion throughout my life. More passion to the people that I serve and to the world. So I can help make this world a better place. And when I leave it, that hopefully I leave behind a better place. A lot of that, for me, was letting go of control and allowing passion to shine through.
So if you’re looking to find your passion, or to have more passion in your life, the first thing that I’m gonna recommend is grabbing your journal and writing out those areas that you feel you have to have control in. Be honest with yourself. We tend to lie to ourself more than anybody else. But this is a critical moment, to be honest with yourself. And you can ask the people around you. In these daily growth acts I often ask you to share this with three people that you want to have conversations that matter. Ask them what areas they think that you want to have control in. And once you identify those areas, now you have to figure out a way of letting go to let passion flow through you. To actually let it really, really come through you.
That allows you to stimulate passion in all areas of your five to thrive. Not only your business but also your personal life. The business and personal life just bleed together. As business owners, you often think … and I did too, that we could separate these compartments. My business life and my personal life. Doesn’t work. Never has, never will. Let it shine through. Let your passion shine to grow not only your business but also the people around you.
That’s it for me today. Go over to authorofyourownstory.com. Get the latest tips, tricks and techniques delivered right to your inbox. And make sure you check out the Author of Your Own Story University, where we talk about passion, control, getting more out of life on a regular basis at a much deeper level than we’re able to do here. And I’d love to have you as a member of the university. There is an application process, but go ahead and fill out your application. There’s no change to fill out the application itself, but it allows you in. You can join others just like you that are on their journey. I will see you tomorrow. Go out and inspire someone simply by being the author of your own story.
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