As you are becoming the Author of Your Own Story you really need to give yourself permission to fail and permission not to succeed. Now, of course, you want to succeed and you should be striving for that, but you need to give yourself permission to fail because if you don’t you won’t jump. You won’t jump forward. You won’t take that great leap or even that first step that’s necessary to become the Author of Your Own Story.
Now, almost all the clients I’ve worked with when I’m coaching them they all have this fear. They all have a fear around something; something around their five to thrive. Often times that’s business and relationships, but it could be something different, or whatever it is for you. The body comes up often as well. What it is is a fear the fear to actually take that leap, to take that job, because you what if I fail. What if I don’t succeed? What are people going to think of me? What are people going to say? Am I ever going to be able to show my face in this group or with my friends or my family again? Or am I going to lose my house? Am I going to lose my money?
Now, I’m talking about calculated risks. All, and I mean all, of the successful people that I know and have coached and have worked with all our amazing risk takers. The reason they’re great risk takers is because they’re calculated risks and they’re not afraid to fail. But when they fail, they fail forward. What I mean by failing forward is as soon as they fall down they learned a lesson and the get up right away, dust themselves off quickly and move forward. They’re not afraid to jump in the deep end to test the waters, but knowing that they can grab onto a life raft, or a vest, or whatever it is to get back to shore. As soon as they jump in they know that they’re learning something each and every time. They’re growing.
Growth happens outside of your comfort zone. You have to be okay with failing. I say this time and time again with these videos and this audio that we produce for the daily growth hacks. This is my forte. This isn’t what I do. I do one on one coaching with high-level business owners. I meet with them every single week and I deep dive within their lives. So doing the camera and the lights and everything it’s not comfortable for me. I have to go outside my comfort zone. Outside there and just jump in and give it a shot. Hopefully along the way, these get a little better and maybe they don’t, but either way, I fell for it, I learned from those mistakes and I move forward. I allow myself the width, the guidance, the grace to fail.
I do this often. I think all entrepreneurs have this innate ability to fail and fail often. Silicon Valley’s famous for this, of course. But outside the entrepreneur, if you’re an intrapreneurial, you’re in a business or maybe you work in a financial service or service professional or wherever, maybe you’re a stay at home mom, or stay at home dad, you still have to give yourself permission to fail and fail often.
One of the stories I loved comes about a baby. Yeah, if you have a baby and they get up and they try to walk and they fall down, which all babies do, do you say, “Hey, you know what, you failed. That’s it. We’re not going to do that anymore. I’m sorry; you’re going to be crawling the rest of your life.” Of course not. The baby falls and you cheer him, and they get back up and try again, and they fall. This happens for a long time until they’re actually able to successfully walk.
You look around there are very few adults in this world who can’t walk. Now, of course, there are people that have some injuries, or birth defects, or things of that nature. I’m not sure I’m using the right terms, but you get what I’m saying. Most people can actually walk. If you’re given that ability and that grace to have two strong legs, you can walk. It’s not that somebody said, “Hey, you were crawling, you got up and you fell, and therefore you got to stay down there.” It doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t happen. You need to give yourself, you the author of your own story, give yourself the grace to fail. Give yourself grace for failure.
What I want you to do, because you’re your own worst critic I should say … You’re your own critic, is grab your journal right now. Write down your five to thrive; your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships and your business, and where are you not giving yourself permission to fail.
Now, I recently had a coaching client and he had so many stories around his mind. So many stories about him being stupid. So many stories about he wasn’t good enough mentally. Things that were holding him back. He wasn’t reading because he wasn’t a good reader, he was told early on. All these stories. He wasn’t giving himself permission to fail in those because he was scared. He was scared about what other people would think and scared about what he would think. “What if I fail? And I start reading. I’m not a good reader. I can’t read a book in a week like you do.” Guess what; I don’t. But I can’t read a book in a week like you do. He thought I did. I’m just not good enough. I can’t do it. He had a story where he couldn’t fail. I said, “Hey, try a page. A page a week. A page a week isn’t bad. Try something else.” By the way, I listen to audiobooks. Yeah, I go through multiple books a week, but I’m listening to them while I’m doing other things.
That’s my secret to success. I’ve allowed myself to fail in that area. Where in your body are you scared of … Maybe it’s doing Cross Fit. That’s a common one that I talk to because I have a business in that niche with Cross Fit, where we do marketing for Cross Fit gyms. Cross fit … you hear all the time … I’m interviewing people and trying to get analysis for their marketing. I ask them, “Well, are you interested in Cross Fit?” “Well, yeah sure, I am.” “Well, why haven’t you done it?” “Well, I’m scared.” “Well, why you scared? Show up to a class and give it a try.” In your soul; meditation. I’ve heard tons of people that are scared to meditate because they don’t think they’re good enough. Business by far the biggest one. Business and relationships. Relationships; don’t ask that girl out or that guy out because you’re scared. Give yourself permission to fail. Give yourself permission. Business; if you business idea, give yourself permission.
These are calculated risks and these are risks that if you do fail … I want you to again grab your journal and write out what you call a failure and what’s good about that failure. What did you learn? Three things. You always can learn three things about any non-success event, and success events. But let’s call it a failure. Three things about every failure. For example, I’ll use myself and I’ll use this podcast and this video that we do for the daily growth hacks. Complete failure, the first ones we did. The quality wasn’t good. The sound wasn’t good. We didn’t know we were doing. We just wanted to get these out there in the world and a chance that we could help people.
One of the things I learned is one, just be more comfortable around the camera, and just not really care. I also realized that, my guess is, is that no one really cares what I look like, or what I’m doing, or my background, and my office. Just people don’t care. You’re worried about your own stuff. I learned just not to worry about that at all. But I also learned some technical issues some system flow. I got some great ideas and I’ve made amazing connections. Here I am now able to speak to you at almost 80 episodes. 80 episodes; that’s crazy just to even think we got here. That was just me jumping in the deep end, giving it a shot. I had a dream. I wanted to help people and realized not everybody could spend $150,000 a year on a coach, so I wanted to help people and do and free, and so here we are. That’s just failing forward. I learn things each time.
I want you to grab your journal. Write out your five to thrive and ask yourself where are you scared to jump in the deep end. Where are you worried of failure in each area? You may have some areas that none and some areas that have multiple. But be raw, honest and honest with yourself. This is where you get to be really raw, and write it down. Where’s your body? Is it you’re scared to go to the beach because maybe you don’t look as good? Maybe you’re not beach ready in your terms. What’s holding you back? You’re scared to go to a Cross Fit gym. You’re scared to take Pilates, whatever, or yoga. I used to be scared to take yoga because I’m so inflexible, but I also didn’t want to be that guy at the yoga class. Luckily I found a place called, “Power of Your Own,” which I loved in Santa Barbara, which really was great for me. It was athletic focused and I felt great. So shout out to them.
Maybe it’s your business or relationships. Maybe there’s someone you’re scared to talk to, or maybe there’s someone you’re scared to reach out to because they seem untouchable or unattainable. Remember, we’re all people. We’re all people. You probably wouldn’t care if I reached out to you, and vice versa. We’re humans so it’s connection. We create these fears. We create these fears of failure in our own mindsets. Around all of our five to thrive typically for most people, we create the stories. I want to know where you’re afraid of failure. Once you get that, I want to know what’s the absolute worst case scenario with that failure. What’s the worst thing that can possibly happen? Then look at that and go, “Is that really that bad? If I ask somebody out … Well, I’m married, so I wouldn’t do that … If you’re single and you ask someone out, what’s the worst thing that happened? They say no. That’s not that bad. You can get over that pretty quickly. What’s the worst-case scenario, and then look at what’s the best case scenario, and can you handle that too.
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