I had a coaching call with a client this morning. I’ve been working with him for a couple months now and I noticed a series of patterns going on. Now, I noticed these early on because I’ve been doing this for awhile, but I brought it to his attention again. What he was doing was he had a thriving business and as soon as he’d make a lot of money he would go out and take everybody out for dinner, drinks, he would buy a new car, he would go gambling, go to Vegas, and he would spend all his money and get rid of it and so now he’s at a stage where he has none. He doesn’t have any disposable income so he feels he needs to hustle.
The same things are happening in the area of his relationships. Things start to go well, he’s got a girlfriend, his baby’s mama. Things are going really well and then he self-sabotages. He creates a fight and then he runs from the relationship.
We see this also going with his health. He starts eating really well, he’s doing things, he’s exercising, he’s getting up early in the morning, he’s meditating, and then what he does is he goes out for a pizza binge and starts drinking again. He really starts to go through these habits that are hurting himself. And so the cycle goes.
We’re seeing that each time he gets something, each time he gets to a goal and rises up, he actually self-sabotages and loses it all. What this comes down to for him is a feeling of self-worth. You see, he doesn’t feel that he’s worthy of having these things. He doesn’t feel he’s worthy of having this money. He doesn’t feel he’s worthy of having a solid relationship with a woman that he actually really loves. He doesn’t feel he’s worthy of having the body he’s always wanted.
Feeling worthy of having the connection to himself, to his spirit, to his soul, to nature, to being outside. He doesn’t feel he’s worthy to spend time on himself and with himself. He’s scared.
His self-worth has been created when he was actually around five or six. We did some regression exercises and brought him back to a time when he was actually playing basketball with his brother or trying to play basketball with his brother and his brothers would not let him play.
He wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t old enough. He just wasn’t enough. Now, of course, in this conversation, this grown man was a powerful man who I honor. He broke down in tears and started crying because this memory of being a child was so ingrained in him. It really controlled the way he was thinking. The way was feeling was subconsciously running his system and his pattern. Now he’s in his 40s and this has been going on for 35 years, this feeling of not enough, lacking, and lack of self-worth.
This has caused him to get into drug addiction and multiple relationships and pregnancies with women he doesn’t even care about. It’s caused him to destroy relationships with those he actually does love and care about. He’s burnt bridges. He’s gone bankrupt. He’s destroyed his business. He’s destroyed his health. He’s destroyed his soul. He’s actively seeking a way of doing this, but it comes down to self-worth. I told him there’s no amount of tips or tactics or little secrets that I can give him to just do once a day that is going to help him if he can’t get over his self-worth issues,
You see if you don’t love yourself first you can’t love another person.
There’s an African proverb, and I might butcher this so I apologize, but I believe what it says is, “Don’t trust the naked man who offers you a shirt.”
The point of this is also like saying somebody who doesn’t love themselves can’t love you. If they don’t already have that within themselves they can’t give it to you and that also goes for yourself.
So what I’m asking you to do today is to think on, reflect, and journal the question: Where in your five to thrive are you lacking that self-worth? Where are you finding that pattern where you get something that you really want, whether it be the relationship that you want, whether it be the job, the bonus, the promotion that you want, whether you’re getting fit, you’re seeing that six-pack or you’re getting that energy and then you self-sabotage? Where in those five to thrive are you seeing the cycle or repeating in your life?
Now once you write that down, what I want you to do is go back and think, geez… where did this first start? Where did this feeling first start? If you can identify that then you’re on the first steps of self-love and really regenerating that.
That’s it for me today.
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