Just the other day, I was doing an intensive coaching session with a client of mine. Now, these coaching sessions typically are done in person over one to two full days. We happened to be doing this one remotely because this person was actually overseas. Now, I’m not going to tell you too much about his business, but I’m going to try to relate this story to you because you definitely know who I’m talking about.
They were having a problem. They were telling me, “Doug, I have all these things I want to do in 2018, but this is the problem. One of these things I want to do is hosting an event.” Now, this is an event for business owners and, again, I can’t go into specifics because you definitely know who this person is, but when they’re planning this event, they had to have a specific event coordinator.
“I have to have this event coordinator to scope out the right location, do all the planning for me so, that way, I don’t have to do it and it’s perfect around the weather, the seasons, all these things. Then I have to have the right people, right? Doug, I have to have the right people at this particular event and then, at this event, I need to make sure that the location is gripping. I need to also make sure that everybody has everything they need to get there. I want to make this event out of this world.”
As I was talking and going through it, I was hearing all the reasons they couldn’t do the event, all the reasons that the event had to be perfect. What they were doing was creating a maze for themselves, a maze where they had to go through all of these hoops through the maze and make sure they made the right turns and didn’t get through roadblocks in order to have this event.
Now, this event happened to be around the content they are producing. Now, their content was amazing, amazing content that any of us probably would pay top dollar for. However, what they were stuck on was making sure that this one particular person, an event coordinator, was the one that took care of it for them. Why? They didn’t have a reason why.
I asked them, I said, “Is there anybody else that could do this in the world?”
“Well, sure, Doug. Yeah, there’s a lot of people that can do this.” “Okay, let’s take that person out. Right?”
“How many places in the world can this event be held?”
“Oh, Dough, that’s infinite. There are so many places that it can be held.”
“Okay, let’s take that problem out.”
We started eliminating problems over and over again and, if you can actually see right behind me, if you’re watching this, I actually drew a horrible … on my whiteboard, a picture of a maze, right, a picture of a maze, if you imagine this, if you listen in to your head, just a typical maze that you would see as a kid, right that you’re drawing on, and then what I said is “There’s so much … such an easier way for this.” Right?
We all create mazes in our heads for kinds of things especially relationships and business, but what I did is I said, “Hey, look, you’re here. You’re at the beginning of this maze. Why can’t you just draw a line straight through the maze and just go right at it? Go with laser-like focus and eliminate these barriers.”
Let’s say this event coordinator isn’t available, and you just told me there’s a lot of people that can coordinate this event, so that shouldn’t be a problem with a little bit of planning. You also said there was a problem in the maze where you have to go through this hoop because the location has to be great, but you told me it could be done anywhere. You also told me that the content was amazing, and I know it is, so the truth is people are going to come to the event for the content. They’re not coming for the location, and so what I did is I related a story to him.
I went to one of Tony Robbins’ events, and we had two options, my wife and I. We could either go to Fiji to Tony Robbins’ resort and attend the event and the conference inside, or we could go to Florida, an island off the coast of Florida and attend the conference inside. To me, what I told him is, “I didn’t want to go to … I want to go to Fiji, but I didn’t want to go to Tony Robbins’ resort that’s inside.”
Sure, you have a couple of days here or there where you’re outside. You’re going to have some little bit of time, but if I’m going to a resort to relax, I’m going there to relax. If I’m going to an informational seminar or some place to learn, I’m going there to learn. I’m all in, so I’m not going there. Tony Robbins could have it in Stockton, California. He could have it in Bend, Oregon. It didn’t matter to me. I was going to the event for the event, for the content and the people that I would meet, not for the tourism. I’m going to Fiji at another time. Right?
I was telling him the same story. It’s the same audience for him, but how many times do we do this in relationships? This is the one I see all the time when I’m coaching people. Right? “Doug, I know I’ll be in love.”
“How do you know you’ll find the right person?” would be a question I’ll ask somebody when they’re telling me they’re looking for the right person. In fact, I had this conversation with another coach a couple of weeks ago, and here’s what she told me.
She said, “Doug, the right guy, what he’s going to do is he’s going to … You know, I’m probably going to be out, you know, with friends maybe at happy hour or something and, while I’m with my friends, you know, he’s going to … He notices me. He’s going to walk across the bar and, you know, kind of tap me on the shoulder lightly and smile and have a really engaging conversation with me right away.
“He’s not going to ask me boring questions like what’s my name, what do I do, but he’s going to have these deep conversations with me. You know, he’ll buy me a drink because he’s a gentleman, of course, and, you know, once he does that, he’ll, he’ll … you know, he and I will go over in a corner and have a conversation talking about, you know, life and love and deep things,” and she happens to be really, really into spirituality, so they’ll start having a conversation about spirituality and then, obviously, what he’ll do is he’ll get his car and he’ll take her to the door and walk her up to the stairs and give her a gentle kiss goodnight, but not try to go anywhere further.
He’s just going to stop there because he’s a gentleman and then, immediately, right when he gets home, he’s going to be sending her a text telling her how great the evening was and then, the next day, he’ll call and then, “Approximately two or three days later, Doug, then this guy, you know, then he’s going to be sending me flowers, uh, to my office.”
Anyway, she just went on and on, and she was into that story about how this perfect guy was, so I was like, “Wait a minute. Let me, let me get this straight. So, you know, you’re, you’re kind of … You’re a woman, you’re progressive, and you’re expecting to be out at happy hour, you know, with a group of friends, so your girlfriends essentially, so let girlfriends five or six.
“Now, you want this guy, this very sensitive man that you’ve just described to walk across, interrupt that group of women and immediately start having a deep conversation about spirituality without knowing anything about you, and then you want him to buy a drink even though you’re an extremely progressive woman and you don’t like men doing certain things for you, except for when you want them to, then you want him to take you away from your friends?”
Anyway, the list went on. You know where I’m going with this. Right? She made it so complicated to find the perfect man. She made it almost impossible because that is a hard scenario, but that was the only way in her mind or in this conversation that she was going to find love. I can go on and on about this, but we do this in every area of our lives.
Fitness, we do this. I see it all the time. When I owned my own gym, a fitness facility, I saw it all the time with people’s excuses on how it had to be perfect in order for them to go for a walk or a run even. It’s just ridiculous.
We all do it. I do it. I do it often actually, but one of the differences is I recognize that when I’m doing it that I’m creating a maze. I’m creating a maze in my mind. It’s a roadmap. In my mind, it’s like a maze that I’m trying to protect myself for some reason where I’m making it more complicated.
Now, what I want you to do here is realize that these mazes and constructs we make in our mind are just easy ways of us giving excuses why we’re not going to achieve the results that we want. We’re making it difficult. We’re making it too hard on ourselves.
Look at your Five to Thrive. In your mind, in your body, in your soul, in your relationships, in your business, where are you making things too complicated? Where are you making it really hard for you to get the outcome that you truly desire? Is it in a happy relationship? Are you making it too hard for the other person? Are you asking him to read your mind? That’s how you feel loved and that’s how you become happy? That’s not true, and you know that. Maybe you’re making it hard on yourself.
Maybe it’s in your business. Maybe you’re making … your launch of a new product way too complicated. Maybe it’s an event that you’re trying to set up and you’re making this event more than it needs to be. Right? People come to events for the content, if it’s a good event. They don’t come just for the pizzazz.
Maybe this is in another area. Maybe it’s in an area of your mind. Maybe it’s too hard for you to learn Italian. I talked about this in another episode of the Daily Growth Hack where someone told me, “I can’t learn Italian because the teacher I went to in my city, he was horrible.”
“Aren’t there other teachers?” “Yes.” “Can’t you do it online?” “Yes,” just making a maze or restrictions for yourself in order for you to not get that result. What I want you to do is cut through that maze and do laser-like focus and go right after it and cut out the BS.
That’s it for me today. As always, go over to authorofyourownstory.com where can get the latest tips, tricks and techniques delivered right to your inbox each and every day. I’m going to ask you one more thing. I want you to go out today and inspire people simply by living the Author of Your Own Story lifestyle. Have a great day!
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