A frame of reference. What it is, is what is your frame of reference of what’s acceptable or what your standards are? Now, oftentimes, we set our standards subconsciously a lot lower than we think. It really takes some diving into, some deep diving to see what that is. Now, something happened to me the other day. I told someone, “You know, I’m going to get up. I’m going to go to the gym because that’s what I do.” They thought, “Well, man, Doug. You’re just not sleeping as well. You got a new born. You got a new business. You got other businesses that you’re running. You moved your location. Give yourself some slack. Something’s got to give.” Well, you see, their frame of reference was different than mine when it comes to the body. My frame of reference was, “I’m going to get up, and I’m going to do this,” because, for me, it’s not acceptable not to.
For me, the author of my story, the man that I am, the man that I am becoming, he gets up at that time. He works out in the morning, and that’s exactly what I did. It didn’t take a struggle for me to do it. It’s just my frame of reference was different than theirs. Simple as that. I have another client. All right. I’m working with him. When I first started working with him, his story, what he said, was stupid. I have talked about him before in these daily growth hacks, so you may remember him. He listens to these, so I’ll say, “Hi,” but I won’t give his name. His frame of reference was he was stupid. That was his story. He’s just not smart. He was intimidated being around other smart people. However, he was around smart people all the time.
One thing I had him do was after we’re working for a while, I said, “Hey, look. Let’s change that. Let’s change your frame of reference. Can you list just five reasons that someone could say you’re smart?” Now, he really struggled with this. Then, I talked to him. I was like, “Look, do you think I’m smart?” He did, which surprised me, but he did. I said, “Well, gosh. You can build a hotel. You can build houses. You look at construction. You can look at the walls. You can look at things that I just don’t understand. You seem extremely smart to me.” We have conversations about philosophy, about life. They don’t come across. You have great insights. He stopped for a second and was like, “Wow, that’s right, Doug. I do. People are always commenting on my work and the things that I do, the architectural work that I do.” He’s working at the top hotels in the world.
We were talking about this, and so his frame of reference, I said, “Look, can you come up with five things, five reasons to raise your frame of reference, to raise your reference from being stupid to actually be smart?” It took a second, and then he started writing down. He came up with five pretty quickly. We looked at that, and I said, “Gee, let’s look at your circle of influence, the people you spend time with. Are they stupid?” He was like, “No, no. They’re actually extremely smart. In fact, I get nervous around them.” I said, “Well, do you think these smart people would spend their time and invest their energy around someone who they think is stupid?” He thought about it for a second. He’s like, “No. Actually, no. I definitely know they wouldn’t.” “Why are they spending their time with you, then? It’s not because you’re stupid. It’s because you’re actually smart. Your frame of reference needs to change.”
What I had him do, I had him do something that I’m going to have you do. That is looking at your frame of reference. For him, this was in the category of mind. What is your frame of reference? What is it coming with? Look at your past. A lot of times, it’s subconscious, you know? His story, we had to dig it out of him a little bit, although it became clear to me right away. We dug it out of him, so he could see it. Now, for you, if you’re working on this by yourself, I want you to grab your journal. Write down your five to thrive, and write your frame of reference in each section of the five to thrive. Don’t skip them. If you can’t find one, ask a friend. Ask somebody. Go to the Author Of Your Own Story group and start posting questions. This is where you get to dig deep. We all set our thermostat at a certain level, but we don’t rise above it unless we change our frame of reference.
You can have all the tools, tricks, techniques, whatever it is. If your frame of reference hasn’t changed, you won’t change too. You always go down or up to that frame of reference set point or that thermometer, as I like to say at times. An example could be the body. You know, a couple of days ago, I was actually having a conversation. I was tired. I mentioned it. Someone said, “Gee, something’s got to give, Doug. Don’t work out. Take a week off. Why would you even do that to yourself? Look, you got a brand new baby. You moved. You’re moving houses. You started a new business. You have four other businesses that you’re running. It’s ridiculous. Take a week off. Give yourself a break. Relax, come on.” What they didn’t get is my frame of reference was much different when it comes to terms with my body. For me, that just wasn’t acceptable. If something’s got to give, maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t, but not my workouts. My frame of reference had changed. There is time to back off, and I’m a big proponent in that, but this wasn’t one of them.
My frame of reference was set at a certain level that was much higher than theirs when it comes to terms with my fitness and my body. What did I do? Yes, I got up the next morning. I went to the gym, and I worked out. It felt great. I felt full of energy after that workout. Now, the difference between me and them was my frame of reference. My frame of reference happened to be higher in that category. There are other categories where my frame of reference, I know, is very low. I’m always working on that. How can I raise that consciously? What are other subconscious little tidbits coming in? The little voice in our head that plays while we’re in the shower or where things are going hard, right, in our lives. That little voice that says, “You can’t do it,” or “This is good enough.” Those things. What is that metabolic set point in the mind? It’s not metabolic. We use metabolic in the fitness industry, but what is that setpoint that you’re going through in your mind and in your spirit that you go through? That’s your body.
What about your soul? What’s your frame of reference for what’s acceptable? Maybe you’re a Christian, so what’s your frame of reference for what’s acceptable in your morality or your practice? You know, I know people that their frame of reference is, “I go to church every Sunday. I go to bible study every week, and I read at the dinner table. That’s it. That’s just my frame of reference. That is what is acceptable to me.” Well, I know other people who, their spirituality is, “I will meditate every morning,” period. I know Atheists. I know Jews. I know Muslims. I know Hindus. I know people from all different religious walks. They all have different frames of reference, so what is their frame of reference? Is this the area you’re skirting for one reason or another? In other words, is this the one area you’re throwing to the side because if it is, I can tell you. The rest of your holistic perspective is also going to suffer.
What about relationships? You know, there are certain people that have relationships. If you’re in a relationship with a significant other, there are people that say, “Hey, this person’s abusive, but that’s okay because, you know, they only hit me every once in a while. He’s a nice guy. He gets a good job, so it’s all right.” We have somebody else that has a frame of reference like, “You touch me or you even speak to me badly, I’m out. I’m gone because my frame of reference or my standards is much higher.” You see, this is two different people, two different frames of reference. One is way down low, and one’s up much higher. What is your frame of reference when it comes to relationships, when it comes to significant others or when it comes to friends? You know, I have standards for my friends. In my standards, I’m trying to constantly raise them. That doesn’t mean I get rid of my old friends. It just means when I’m looking for new friends or meeting people that can potentially be in my inner circle, I want to make sure my frame of reference for what’s acceptable is much higher.
There are certain things I just won’t allow to happen, all right? I won’t allow somebody in my inner circle that abuses someone, who takes advantage of someone who’s weaker for them. That is a standard that I just will not accept, but what’s yours? What are your frames of reference in relationships with co-workers, with your boss, with yourself? That’s a big one. What’s your standard for yourself? How can you constantly raise that one? I’m always trying to do that, and your business, right?
Now, if you’re an entrepreneur, you’re working in a business, what’s your frame of reference for what’s acceptable? Are you shutting down your computer at 4:50 because you’re off at 5:00? Do you show up a little late, and you take a little longer break at lunch? You see, my frame of reference as a business owner is that’s stealing. You’re stealing from the person who’s paying you, and you should certainly not get a raise because, to me, my frame of reference is somebody that works hard, stays longer. They prove the results before accepting the value. They give value first. Me, as a business owner, what’s my frame of reference for what’s acceptable? I have a certain income that is acceptable for my frame of reference. I’m working on raising that. The reason I’m working on raising that is I’m raising my standards, but I also want to provide for my family, my extended family, the gifts that I’ve had to build, the travel, education, be able to work on themselves, to have the lifestyle that I have, to be the author of their own story.
I want to help them do that. I raise my frame of reference. Things like money stories. These are other areas you can go into, but for right now, what I want you to do, pull out your journal. Please do this. You’re going to regret it if you don’t. You know, actually, if your standard, your frame of reference is it’s good enough just to listen to these and somehow, it magically is going to help you? Well, it’s not. You raise your standard. Raise your frame of reference to the point where you’re actually doing the work. Do the work here, so grab your journal. Write out your five to thrive. Your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, your business. Write up your current frame of reference of what is acceptable to you. “Yes, you know, I workout every once in a while. I gain some weight. It’s no big deal.” Does that serve you as the author of your own story? Probably not, so what could you do to change your frame of reference?
You know, I’m somebody who works out at least four times a week and treats my body like a temple. I really take care of myself, but maybe I also enjoy the finer things of life like certain restaurants or food. Whatever it is for you. I’m not asking you to be militant. I’m asking for your story. What it is for you. I want you to have that new frame of reference. I want you to come up with at least five things. Five things you can verify that is actually true, that this is true about you or about who you’re going to become. Now, if you can’t come up with those five and it’s hard, again, post in The Author Of Your Own Story group on Facebook, and we’ll work with you. We’ll help you. The people in the university, you guys already are way ahead of this program, but I also want you to come up with role models. Who are some role models that, already, you believe already have this frame of reference, equal or above what you’re trying to achieve? The new of reference you’re changing. These are role models.
For example, I’ll use the mind. My friend and client who thinks he’s stupid. What are some frames of reference? He can look at intelligent people who are playing at a higher level, or at least feels that are intelligent and use them as role models to see what are they doing consistently? Now, when we did this for him, what we found out was that all of these people are either listening to or reading something to better their mind on a daily basis. This daily growth hack could be yours, right? That’s great if you’re taking action. You need to take action. I keep saying that over and over again because I know what it’s like to be out there. I used to be one that used to listen to audio and podcasts all the time and maybe not always do the work. Now, I do. What is your frame of reference, and who are those people that are at that standard or that frame of reference that you have? Make sure you write those down and figure out what they’re doing.
If you want bonus points, if you want to take it a step further and really go after it, reach out to each of those people and tell them what it is you like about them. “I really love the fact that you seem really smart, Kyle or Ginger ,” whoever that person is. You know, I’m raising my frame of reference. You can tell him what it is. Share this podcast with them. I mean how great would it make somebody feel to have a podcast like this shared to them or a video shared with them and saying, “I was watching this, and I think of you as a standard that I want to become.” No one’s going to put you down. They’re going to be like, “Holy cow, that’s amazing. Thank you so much.” Then, ask them, “How do you feel you get there? What are your standards?” Really ask them and interview them. Not only will you bring somebody closer into your relationship circle, into your inner circle, but you’re going to raise your standards you’re going to raise your frame of reference just by working with them.
That’s it for me today. I won’t be labeling the point, but do the work. Make sure you’re writing that down in your journal. Then remember, build your own inner circle. Build your tribe. Share this with at least three other people you think will benefit from them. Share it with them and bring them in. Bring the conversation in, and while you build your tribe, you build the people around you.
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