Now, I just walked in from a trail run. A beautiful trail run along a gorgeous, pristine river. I mean, just absolutely gorgeous. 75 degrees out, as I’m running, the wind is going against me, I can hear the rushing water alongside me, and this is just a short, maybe 5 to 10-minute drive from my home, yet no one else around, except for the birds and beautiful nature.
Now, I wouldn’t have done this trail run, because I had so many things that I wanted to do. We’re relaunching part of the Author Of Your Own Story University, I’ve also got several other things in the mix. As many of you know, I’m an owner of six different companies, and living the Author Of Your Own Story lifestyle. The funny thing is is I have a coach, and my coach posed a question to me.
She said, “Doug, what are you doing to fill your own cup?” The reason she posed this question is she happens to be a relationship coach, and it’s a coach my wife and I hired together, as we’re always trying to up level, and do better in our personal relationships, as well as we do with our businesses. We want to always continue growing, and so she said, “Doug, what are you doing to fill your cup today?”
I looked at her and said,, “Well, as soon as we’re off this call, I have one more business call where I’m actually helping a business owner. It’s not really for business, I’m just helping out, nice guy, and I really think he can do well. And then after that, my wife and my son are going to get back. They’re actually down at the beach right now playing, and I want to see them when they come in. I want to be a good husband, so I’m going to help her take care of the house, and take him over. It’s definitely very important for me to be not only a provider and a great father, so I only have about three to four hours of quality time after this call that I can spend with my child.”
As I’m telling her this, I’m also listening to what’s coming out of my mouth. I know where this is going. This is exactly how I would coach a client, and she just listened to me very patiently. I said, “Look, I know. I know. I’m putting everybody else before myself, and I’ve been doing this for far too long.” I keep putting off what I want to do, filling my cup, so I can go out and fill everybody else’s out. I fell into an old pattern. Does this sound familiar to you?
This is an old pattern many of us go through, especially for us that are high achievers, that are going out there to really change the world. I want to be the best husband possible, the best father possible, the best friend possible, the best business owner to each and every one of my clients and best boss to my staff. I want to be that to be everybody.
What I used to do was put everybody first, and I’ve been burnt out, worn out. Friday night in my early 20s even, would come down, and I’d be like, “I’m just going to stay in. I’m going to work and I’ll hone my craft a little bit here and there, but I’m just burnt out. I’ve been giving to everybody.” It took me a long time to figure out that when I started filling my own cup, making my schedule a priority, I was then able to come in and fill everybody else’s.
I actually got to a point where really people didn’t want to hang out with me. I wasn’t fun. I was always so drained. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll just do it.” I would resent them for that, right? What was interesting was I was falling back into this pattern. I was putting everybody else’s schedule first. I gave access to my personal calendar, to five different people.
“Look, just schedule a meeting, this’ll be easier for me. You just schedule it whenever you want to.” Then the week comes up and I have meetings all over the place, and as always, your calendar will get as filled as you allow people to fill it. It just happens to me each and every time. This is a repeating pattern that I keep having to remind myself to get back into, but this time, luckily we had a coach, and a coach that was designed and hired to bring my wife and I even closer.
Now, we have an amazing relationship and I’m so blessed and so lucky to have her, but we want it even better. If better is possible, that’s what we want. Let’s go. Let’s go full bore, and that’s what she and I are both about. When she looked at this and asked me, “Hey Doug, what are you doing to fill yourself up?” There was nothing on my calendar that didn’t involve me filling somebody else up, which in return, made me feel good about myself, and it was really interesting.
You’re getting this daily growth hack right after a trail run that was spurred by this one remembrance, right? It’s not something I learned new, it’s just something that reminded me of who’s calendar goes first. If you feel this is normal for you, I want you to look at your calendar. Look at your calendar and whose calendar and whose priorities are you putting before your own?
Are you putting your kids, your spouse, your boyfriend, girlfriend, your significant other? Is it coworkers, your boss? Is it family? Are you putting their needs or their wants, desires, ahead of yours? It’s so often when I’m coaching somebody, whether it be a business owner or not, they’re talking about, they’re just like, “I’m just so busy. I’m too busy and I want to get out, I’m stuck, I’m frustrated.” One of the first things I ask them is to look at their calendar.
“Show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities.” Well, I can tell you what, I once again, was putting everybody else’s priorities ahead of myself. I know better, and I shouldn’t do it, and it took somebody else, a coach, a mentor, to help me look behind the curtain and see what was going on. That wasn’t even really her normal intent, but she knew what I knew, that if we don’t fill our own cups, we don’t fill our own souls, we don’t fill ourself up first, we can’t pour over and really be in a quality relationship with anybody else.
Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to grab your journal, of course, write out your Five to Thrive as we always do, but we’re going to add an extra one, and this is one of the ones I had with my coaching clients. I actually go over eight, but we talk about the Five to Thrive, but one of the other ones is fun. Where is fun on your calendar? I want you to see, is it specifically in any of those categories? In your mind, in your body, in your soul, relationships, business? And then let’s add fun. Where is it in your calendar?
Now, if you don’t see it actually calendared out, I want you to look at what your priorities are and be honest with yourself. I had to be today. I’m actually, if you’re watching this, you’re lucky that there’s not Smell-O-Vision here, because I smell a little bit, because I’ve been running hard, I’ve been playing, having a great time. And right now I’m so excited when I’m done hitting this, done hitting record, giving you this message, this learning of something that I learned, that I’m going to go play with my family and fill them up even more, and I want that for you.
Now, this is part of the Author Of Your Own Story journey. I was able to build my lifestyle anyway that I want, and I started filling it up with somebody else’s priorities. I got away from that, off track. That’s why coaches and mentors are so, so important. I always say that, and I really, really mean it. I want you to be your own coach here. You have to do the work, and I love hearing from you.
After you’ve done this work, shoot me an email. Let me know. If you’re on the newsletter, you have my private email. Just hit reply to the newsletter, and let me know what comes up for this. Let me know how you’re having fun. I want to know. You’re going to inspire me and it’s going to be great. You’re listening to me, we have almost 7000 people that download these daily growth hacks, and I want to know more from you. I want this to be a two-way conversation. Talk to me, let me know what’s going on for you, and I’ll do the same.
Also, share this with at least three people. Let them have the insights that you’re getting and that way you can also have conversations that matter. That’s three people. It’s going to take you maybe 30 seconds to forward it onto them, and go ahead and let them know.
You’re also going to let them know that somebody cares about them, and in this day and age, that’s huge. For you, I want you to have conversations that matter and look, if you’re somebody that got this forwarded to you, somebody loves you and somebody cares about you. So hats off to you. Make sure that they’re having fun, and make sure that you’re having fun, too. In fact, have fun together.
That’s it for me today. I will see you tomorrow. Have an epic day, and remember, go out and be the Author Of Your Own Story.
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