Today I’m going to do a quick tip on relationships. This is a hack that’s worked for me over time and I’ve seen it work for other people. In any relationship you have, especially intimate relationships, those that are closest to you, seem to trigger us. They seem to bring out certain times of anxiety or despair or anger or upset. I don’t know anybody that’s been in a long-term, intimate relationship that hasn’t seen the ups and downs of that relationship. It’s just human nature.
One simple thing that you can do to improve upon those relationships is what you think about those people on a daily basis. My wife, for example, if we get into a disagreement or an argument, or over text message. This can happen a lot of times over messenger, where you just misunderstand the tonality or the meaning behind things. Now, we’ve worked on it. We can go away from those triggers really quickly, but sometimes something comes in your head and you think something maybe you don’t want to admit.
But what we’ve done is a very simple trick, are we’ve changed the names of the people. Instead of saying my wife’s name, who happens to be Erin, instead of the text message coming across as Erin, I allowed her to pick her category, her name, the way that she wants to be represented into my subconscious, into my mind.
So, when I get a message on my phone, it actually says, “My sexy wife.” Subconsciously, I’m always thinking that. Every time I get a message, whether it be “I love you” or “Hey, can you get milk at the store?”, it always comes from my sexy wife.
Now, obviously that’s easy to do in intimate relationships, but it’s easy not to do. But those little subconscious things, those little pauses of reinforcements make a world of difference. And, of course, I’ve changed my name on her phone as well.
But you can take this a step further. As a boss who has employees, I’ve actually relabeled my employees and close friends and people that I want to have categories. I have a woman who works for me and she is the queen of operations. She’s the amazing queen of operations. Every time I get a message from her, I also have a great name, a way of thinking of her at her highest level, the way that I know that she is.
What I’ve started doing, and I invite you to do the same, is changing some of your contacts. What I’ve started doing is looking at people and seeing inside of them their greatness. Now, these could be close friends and see the best of them and label them as the best of them, so taking those best traits, those best stories, and making them really hyperbolic, making them really big, and then changing their name. So, Santos becomes something else. He becomes the warrior of passion, becomes the most amazing man I know. Whatever it is. It can be something totally different for that individual. And it actually raises them up.
Now, what I found after doing this for several months right now is that every time I talk to that person, I actually see them as their greatness. When I’m seeing them as their greatness, just like when I coach clients when I see them as their greatness, they start seeing themselves as that greatness, and it up levels everybody around them.
Now, of course, that pays it forward because now they’re feeling better about themselves and they don’t even know I’ve done this. They feel better about themselves because I’m coming in with such great energy to the conversations, looking at them at their highest selves, that when they go out into the world the rest of their day, they’re smiling, they’re talking to people, and they’re passing that on. This is really just an easy way to uplevel your life.
Now, I have friends that I’ve recommended. They do this with their kids, they do this with their spouse, they do this with their family. And it’s really actually … Especially with people that you have a conflict with, this is a great one. If you have a mother, or a mother-in-law, or a father, or somebody that you just aren’t meshing with, especially in an intimate relationship, you’ve got some history there, change that. Find the greatness. Find the good in them. Find their highest level you can see with inside them. Sometimes it’s a stretch. Sometimes we have to really look deep into somebody. Go, “This person really gets me. You know, I’ve got 30, 40 years history with them and they’re kind of a jerk.” But look at their highest level. Those times where you know they can be the man or woman of their dreams. The author of their own story. If they were to do this, to do the work that you’re doing on a daily basis with us here, who could they be? And go into your phone. Change the label. Change their contact. Change what they’re called, so when they come up in the message or when they call or when you call them, you have their highest being, their highest purpose labeled there. That will set things apart. That is exactly how you become the author of your own story.
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