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Pain is just part of life, we all go through pain. The pain of an event, a loss of a loved one, pain that is physical. Either way, pain provides us three ways to respond to it. I want you to do is think of these three ways and think about which one you actually fall into more often. And just be honest with yourself.

The first one is the initial reaction to ignore the pain, or blame others. Now, this is events in your life, other people, or blaming yourself. Now you could ignore it, and act like it didn’t happen and bury it and stuff it deep down inside of you like we often do. That’s what I used to do a lot of times is do that.

Or you’ll also see people playing the victim role, we talked about that in one of the previous Daily Growth Hacks. They play the victim role and they blame themselves, or they might actually blame somebody else. And it’s that persons fault that they’re suffering, or feeling the pain. I most recently talked about seeing this with a breakup, even though it was a long time ago. But the pain was still there for the person, about the breakup. And they were still blaming and playing the victim role, seeking attention to blame the other person. That’s one way. So one way you can deal with pain is by blaming other people, blaming yourself, or just ignoring it.

The second way you deal with pain is just changing your life conditions. It could be pain or something going on, you could go ahead and say, “You know what? I didn’t pay a bill and someone saw that and it causes a lot of pain cause it damages my psychology because Susie knows I don’t have money so I’m gonna work really hard to make money.” So you’re changing your life conditions. So maybe I get another job, so I’m working two jobs so I have enough money that I’m always paying my bills.

Or maybe it’s pain in the sense that, really simple, like hey my knees hurt when I run. And so I’m gonna change my living conditions in the sense of, I’m gonna get better running shoes, I’m gonna get a running coach that’s gonna teach me to pose running. I’m gonna drop some weight, change my diet so my body doesn’t have as much weight on me knees. I’m gonna foam roll my calves so that they’re shock absorbers, etc, etc.

So the second way you can deal with pain is just by changing your life conditions. The third way you can do it is by changing your blueprint. And we haven’t really talked about the blueprint. But the blueprint, and what I’m talking about is really changing your physiology, your focus, and your meaning. So changing the way that you respond to things. We talked about physiology before, what I mean by that is chest out, shoulders back. The way that your physiology is showing a commanding performance. Or, chest down, shoulders rounded really shows a depressing physiology so to speak. But also your focus and meaning. So what you choose to focus on when you experience that pain, and then what you make that mean. And that’s really important here cause that changes your blueprint or the way that you see things.

So let’s go back to that breakup. I’ll just talk about as if I was that person that went through the breakup, it isn’t me but I’ll act as if. So instead of playing the victim role and blaming somebody else, one thing I could do is change my physiology. Well, one, I could imagine that if I was hurt my shoulders would be slumped, my head would be down, and you could picture somebody that’s going through an emotional hurt or a breakup that’s really sad for them. But instead maybe what I do is I take a deep breath, diaphragmatic breath, I put my shoulders back, my head up, my chest out, and I get in that really powerful stance. Feet nice and wide, I’m really in a powerful stance.

Then maybe I change my focus, instead of focusing on the hurt from the breakup maybe I’m focusing on the opportunities that are out there now. There are so many people to meet, now I have some free time, I can actually go out and do the things that I like to do. By doing that I’m changing the meaning. Wow, yeah this breakup hurt but jeez I got all these opportunities now. I can go to events, I can really focus my time on my personal development, I can really focus on me so I can now attract a better, higher quality person. A better fit for me. I can really just live life.

And you can see by going through that story, so that story of changing my physiology, changing what I’m focusing on, and changing my meaning, it’s a totally different outcome. So instead of going through depressed mode. Super depressed, blaming everybody else, I’m now changing it to all the positives. And really, it’s just a matter of changing those three things. My physiology that allows me to get into that state of opportunity or possibility. And then I’m changing my focus, what am I choosing to focus on? Am I choosing to focus on the negative? Or am I choosing to focus on the opportunities or something different? And then when I focus on something different I can also change what it means. It’s just a shift. Now, changing what it means is really not changing anything when you think about it. I have an opportunity to create a story over here about me being a victim or creating another story over here about me being the hero and having all these other opportunities in my life.

Now my reality is the same, but yet, I’m still totally different. When you think about it, I’m just choosing to be the author of my own story and choosing which story fits me best. Now, if I go into victimhood a lot of things are gonna happen. Probably there’s a greater opportunity for my immune system going down and getting sick. Who wants to hang out with somebody that’s in victim role all the time? Unless you’re in the victim role, you’re codependent. You don’t want to be around those people anyway, right? So, for somebody that’s positive and for somebody that goes, “Jeez this breakup really hurt. But however, it just wasn’t the right person, now I’m able to work on myself so I can attract, draw in, and bring in the right person. I’m gonna focus on myself. I’m gonna do those things that I loved. This is a great opportunity for me.” And that is just a different energy and a different story. And that is exactly what being the author of your own story is all about.

I hope this helps you. What I want you to do is grab your journal, write out your five to thrive. And look at where you’ve had pain in these areas. A common one I hear about in The Author of Your Own Story group when I get messages is, wait. Pain and wait. Pain and relationships with a breakup. Where are you experiencing pain? And I want you to write down what that pain is. And then I want you to write down which of these three choices have you made currently, in that area? Now if you chose the victim role, that’s fine, don’t beat yourself up. But then choose something else. Choose to change your living conditions, or I would say, go even deeper. Choose to change your blueprint. Change your blueprint, what your physiology is, what you are focusing on, and also what you make it mean. Do this all through your five to thrive.

Of course, I want you to build your tribe. I don’t want you to have a tribe of victims. The people around you are naysayers and negative. You don’t need that in your life. You need people that are gonna uplift you, put wings under you and lift you up as you lift them up too. You can start by lifting them up and building your tribe by sharing this with three other people. Grab the first three people that come to your mind, share it with those three people.

To take a bonus step, what I recommend doing is something that I do. Is share with somebody that you want a relationship with. Now this is not a romantic relationship, so to speak. But someone that you want a relationship, a friendship to have with. Somebody that you look up to or somebody you’re saying, “Hey look, this person is in my avatar, this person is doing what I want to do. I’m gonna share it with them and bridge that conversation.” So do that right now. Don’t stop in a moment of insight without taking immediate action.

That’s it for me today, remember to go out and be the Author of Your Own Story.

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