Darcy Curry, Author at Author of Your Own Story

What Are Your Rules?

So I was at an event many, many years ago, and a gentleman came up on stage, and he was talking about how lonely he was. In fact, he was so lonely that he had contemplated committing suicide. Obviously, nothing to joke about, and I’m certainly joking about it here. But what actually turned out as result of his feelings was funny. What happened was they were talking to him, and they said, “Hey look, why do you feel so lonely? Why do you want to kill yourself?”

“Well I’m lonely, and here I am in my fifties, and women just don’t like me. I’m not loved.” Your heart went out to him. You felt bad; here is all he wants is love, and he’s sitting here, he’s just lonely. What the speaker did, and I thought was magical, and I’ve used it ever since, he said “Tell me what it’s like? How do you know when a woman likes you? Tell me what happens?”

He said “Oh jeez, well it doesn’t happen that very often. But if a woman likes me, she’s going to see me at a bar, and she’s going to approach me. She’s going to engage in conversation with me. Once we have an engaging conversation, she’s going to let me know that she likes me. Then she’s going to maybe invite me over to a table, we’ll maybe play some pool. Then she’ll ask me out. She’ll ask me for my phone number, of course. After she asks me for my phone number, then perhaps she’ll call me, we’ll have a conversation, and then we’ll go out on a date.”

The presenter’s like, “Let me get this right.” He writes this all on the board, and it was really funny. What happens is he’s saying, “Hey look, what you’re saying is …” Not even at this point, and this goes on for almost a half an hour. It gets more and more detailed because yet he still doesn’t know this woman likes him. So he’s saying, “You go to a bar, and a woman you’ve never met before comes up to you with a group of guys that you might be with, a group of strange men, approaches you at the bar, tells you that she’s interested in you, pulls you aside away from your friends, asks you to hang out with her, has an engaging conversation … a conversation that you want to have, then she not only does that, but she gives you her number, takes your number, and then calls you, and makes sure the dates arranged. That correct?”

And he’s like, “Yeah.” It was just mind-blowing. As he’s going through this, he goes “Well, now does she like you?”

“Well, I’m not sure. We have to go on the date, then she has to kiss me …” It was all reversal. The point being with telling you this story … and it goes on for at least another half hour as I recall … is he created all of these rules and check marks that, almost like a maze, for a woman to get through to say that she likes him. In order for him to feel loved or wanted, he created a series of rules and regulations, check marks almost like a map that someone would have to travel through in order to feel that feeling of being wanted. Now by creating these rules, there’s a reason he felt lonely is that nobody made him feel wanted. He could be at a bar, a woman could come to the bar, tell him that she loves him, she’s interested, be engaging, give her number. She could have done all of that work, yet still, he didn’t feel wanted at that point. It wasn’t until later on, after about a month or two of dating that he would have started to feel wanted and loved.

What I’m trying to say is this is an exaggeration to some point, but when I coach clients and I work with people, and we talk about what are your rules for being loved? What are your rules for being a good husband? What are your rules for being a good wife? What are your rules for being a good boss or employee? What are your rules for being able to be happy? What are your rules for feeling loved? What makes you happy? What are the conditions that have to happen in order for you to feel x?

These are all rules that we create around certain ideas, or feelings even. Some people are like “What are your rules around success?” I talk to this about business people, and one person I talked to “well it’s $100,000 a month in recurring revenue.” Talk to another business person, and it’s a million dollars. The reason it’s a million dollars is that they’ve already hit the $100,000 a long time ago. For them to feel successful, they put themselves in this box. There’s a lot of other things that could be happening. But the point is, they put themselves in this box that makes it almost impossible for them to have the feeling of success.

Once I talk to them after a while says, “Well let’s redefine that. What if we said success was having a balanced life? Not completely balanced, but having your five to thrive in order. Once we talked about that for a while, they actually evoked the feeling of happiness, fulfillment, and success there in that moment, and moving forward. They’re still striving for those goals, but they’re able to have the feeling of success, the feeling of being loved, the feeling of being appreciated, without doing anything except for changing your rules. Changing your rules for how to get that feeling.

Of course, you have rules for going towards, but rules for going away from. What are your rules for being afraid, or being jealous? These things we go into a much deeper dive in the Author of Your Own Story university. But you get the idea. In this short clip, I just wanted to cover the basics of this. Here’s what I’m asking you to do: grab your journal, grab your five to thrive. So what are your rules for each of these five to thrive? What are your rules for your body? What are your rules for your body to be a perfect ten for you? Now for some of you, you want to look like a model. For others of you, you just want to be able to jog around the block. Whatever it is, those are your rules. SO what are your rules to feel successful, to feel accomplished, and to feel like you’re the author of your own story in each five of your five to thrive?

Start there. Journal about it. I think you’ll be surprised. What are your rules for feeling spiritual? What has to happen in order for you to feel that feeling of a spirituality of going through your body, through your heart, through your soul? So take your time and do this. This is not an exercise that you just was to breeze through and move on to the next thing. Spend some time thinking of this.

Now, once you have your rules, look at those and see if those work for you. If they don’t work for you, rewrite them. You can do that; you can rewrite your rules anytime. You can change things up whenever you want to. That’s the power of being the author of your own story. You’re really the author, you’re rewriting the script of your own life. So you want to make it as easy as possible for you to experience success, love, happiness, all these good feelings. Then you can rewrite your rules another to make it difficult for you to feel angry, tired, depressed. That really helps you move along the path of life. Again, this is a much, much deeper topic but hopefully, this gives you just a glimpse of the power that this actual exercise contains.

I’d love to hear from you and hear your results. If you have any questions, of course, go over the Author of Your Own Story community and we’d be happy to help you out there, too. Don’t forget, if you like this kind of stuff, and you want a deeper dive, go to authorofyourownstory.com and get in the university. We only open the doors a few times, so get in the university while there’s still an opportunity to do so. You’ll get a deeper dive in this subject and the other subjects we’ve talked about.

That’s it for me today. Remember: go out, and be the author of your own story.

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Rainmakers Always Have a Seat At The Table

I was recently talking to a tech entrepreneur, and they were doing great. But the problem that they were having is, they didn’t have a consistent cash flow coming in. They’re marketing was working, their processes were working, but sales just didn’t seem to be happening. It seemed to be happenstance. And when we were having a conversation I asked him, “Do you have a rainmaker on your team?” And he said, “What is that?” Well, a rainmaker in business or in sales is commonly someone who is able to make it rain. They’re able to consistently bring in new business, new leads, and new sales consistently to your business line.

Now, when I was talking to him I said, “Look, rainmakers always win. Every business owner needs a rainmaker, and that’s why they can be hard to find.” So when a rainmaker, regardless of the economy … So the economy went down in 2008, and there’s a lot of these doomsdayers that say, “Hey, it’s cyclical Doug, it’s very cyclical, and it’s going to happen again. It typically happens every seven or eight years.” Well, we’re past that time period, so maybe it will happen again. But there’s one thing I do know, is I know the people that were successful, even during the bad times, were the rainmakers. Sure, when businesses had to cut staff … I had to cut, you know, tech, or marketing, or HR, or some employees, but no rainmakers ever get cut. And the reason rainmakers don’t get cut is ’cause they are the lifeblood of the business, they are driving revenue to a company. And rainmakers are easy for them to move laterally. These are just the people that make it happen in business.

And so, if you are in business, or you run a business, are you either a rainmaker or do you have one on your team? And this concept of rainmaking, right? This concept of being someone who can really drive sales and drive business is extremely important, but I think you can be a rainmaker in other areas. Are you a person that constantly brings value to the process? In your Five to Thrive, are you your own rainmaker? Do you always bring healthy food to your work, or into your home? Are you the person that cooks? Are you the person that’s invaluable?

‘Cause at the end of the day you look at your Five to Thrive, and of course, we’re talking mainly about business now, but again, it can be applied across all spectrums. Are you the person that just makes themselves invaluable to a business? So in other words, the business can’t survive without you. And you can do this in any area. You could be the best mail room clerk, who does things so well and so efficiently that the company just can’t live without you. So, even if that company moves, they’re gonna take you with them. They’re gonna take you with them because you do something that nobody else does. You deliver that extra stuff, that secret sauce, that special thing that nobody else can do.

So I wanna ask you, are you a business owner? And if you are, do you have a rainmaker on your team? If not, that’s gonna be one of the first priorities. Obviously, building your own base is huge, but you need a rainmaker. If you don’t have one, you need to be that rainmaker, until you can actually get one on your team.

Now, if you’re an employee somewhere, are you a rainmaker? Now, maybe you’re not in sales, but are you supporting your company in such a way that the company would just crumble without you? Everybody would be lost if you weren’t around. If not, why not? Why aren’t you becoming that person? Why aren’t you becoming an invaluable asset to the business you work in? This is a chance for you to really do it, because remember, regardless of the economy, regardless of what’s happening politically, who’s the president, where you live, where your business moves to, a rainmaker always has a seat at the table.

That’s it for me today. Remember, go over to AuthorofYourOwnStory.com, get on our Author of Your Own Story University wait list, love to see you in the University. That’s it for me, have a great day, and remember, be the author of your own story.

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Giving Birth

Not too long ago, my wife was pregnant, and I saw her carry our child for over 10 months. Now, this was a long journey, and my wife is so incredibly strong. For all you women out there that have had children, I have nothing but respect for you.

I mean, it was a painful process. Here she is, and she’s got extra weight. She happens to be incredibly fit, but she’s got extra weight carrying around. Her hormones are changing, and now she’s going to give birth to this baby that’s inside of her. It’s just an amazing process. It still blows my mind today. Then after this birth, the love, the absolute love and admiration for our little boy, which is so huge. Right? It’s so worth it. The sleepless nights, the last month almost, where both of us aren’t sleeping much, and right now not sleeping very much as it is because we have a 14-week-old. But still, it’s just absolutely amazing. Wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

It got me to thinking about things. Right? It got me to thinking about the idea that most businesses … They say one in 100 businesses actually make it past two years. That’s a startling statistic when you think about it. I don’t know if that’s exactly right. It could be a couple more, but it’s somewhere in that ballpark. In fact, I was listening to something today that said one in 100, so I’m just going to go with that, but you get the idea. Now, what’s even more interesting and starting to think about that is, how many businesses have I built, but how many businesses have failed? Right? I built several businesses. I got five going on right now, and they’re like my kids too. The process of bringing them to fruition, to birth, is just, it’s hard. It’s arduous.

It’s a journey, but once they’re actually out there and they’re affecting people in a positive way, they’re affecting people and people are growing, whether it be my marketing agency, whether it be my coaching business, whether it be Author of Your Own Story, whatever it may be, the way it’s helping people, that is like my child. That’s where it makes the birthing process of a business or an idea so worth it, just like having a child. I mean, not as good as having a child, of course. There’s a different kind of love, but it’s similar. I mean, I’m an entrepreneur. It’s in my DNA to build businesses and help them grow and help them scale. For me, it’s just what I do. Some people paint, I build businesses. It’s just, hey, that’s what it is. It’s that birthing process, and it got me thinking, right?

It got me thinking of how many of us walk around, and this is a lot of my friends, but how many of us have an idea but never see that idea actually birth into a business, there’s not really that actual next step? I would guess there are a million ideas to the one that actually gets birthed. There’s just a million of them out there. I can’t tell you how many times I go, and this would be for you, too, right? How many times do you go get coffee with a friend, go get a drink, get a beer, or go for a run, and you exchange a business idea? Right? “I have this idea. It’s kind of crazy, but this is what I’m thinking.”

Or you hear the other thing that we all do, right? We all hear this, “Well, I had that idea that person had, and now they’re successful, but I had it as well,” or, “I had it first.” Yeah, but did they ever actually go through the laboring process? The person that made that business successful went through those 10 months or probably years of building that business or building that organization and actually giving birth to it, carrying it out, laboring day and day, now. But hopefully, laboring in a fun way, the way some of us do it, but getting it going in such a great way that they could actually birth it and bring it out to the world, and now they get to embrace that love.

You see, I think if we just had the children the way we want them, right, you just got, “Hey, you want a baby? Here you go,” we would have people everywhere, right? Because there’s no struggle. I also don’t think the love of that baby would be as intense. It’s more intense because you’ve gone through that journey, that arduous process, the birthing process, the labor. I mean, holy cow. I’m just, even thinking about it, recalling just our process, amazing, right?

But it’s very similar to a business, an organization, or an idea, and so what I want to ask you right now is, how many times do you have an idea or something you want to do? Maybe it’s a trip. Maybe for you it’s, “I want to go to Thailand.” Maybe for you it’s, “I want to grow a business,” or, “I want to start an organization,” or, “I want to get an apprenticeship,” or, “I want to get an internship. I just want to learn how to do digital marketing, but I’m too scared to ask for an apprenticeship,” or whatever it may be.

How many times do you have that idea, but you actually haven’t gone through the labor, you actually haven’t gone through the laboring process to birth that idea, and therefore that idea just dies, it goes away, and you aren’t able to reap those benefits? Now, I know this has happened way over a million times for me alone. I have ideas all the time. In fact, I have a whole folder on my computer of just business ideas where I save the business ideas, I keep, I go back to them, and I add to them as I feel inspired to, but it’s just a place where I can collect them all, with the idea that I can pick one of those ideas if I want to and go, “Hey, do I want to go through that laboring process?”

If I go through that process, and I’ve done it so many times, and probably like you moms that have had five, six, seven kids, it just gets easier, from what I hear, I don’t know how, but business gets easier too, and building organizations gets easier as well because you have a formula and you’ve kind of been there, done that. But if you haven’t, right? There are things that I haven’t done like I haven’t stepped on stage to speak to thousands of people before. I’ve never done it. I’ve spoken to hundreds, but not thousands, and so doing that, that’s a bigger process, and so I imagine that gets really easy for somebody that does it on a … Like a Gary Vaynerchuk or someone who speaks often, it’s just really easy. They’ve gone through the labor. They’ve gone through the laboring process, and they’re able to actually do it quicker. They’re able to birth the idea and the concept much faster than I would be able to without repetition.

I’m going to ask you the same thing that I’m doing. Grab your journal. Write down your Five to Thrive, your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business, and I want to ask yourself, where are you just having ideas and scared … Now that’s, maybe not scared, not the right word, but where are you just not pushing through the labor? Where are you not going through the laboring process to get what you want, the desired outcome, or the birth? Right? Remember, when you go through that laboring process, and you almost always have to, and you don’t … It can be flow and ease, and I love that idea, but my experience tells me that it usually takes some work, but most people aren’t willing to do it. Now, I hope you’re not one of those people. I hope you’re doing the work. Do this exercise.

Even if this sounds rudimentary to you, you’re going to get something from it. I coach other coaches, right? We do that because you just need to. You need somebody else to look at a higher-level perspective of your life. The other coaches I have, I work with, are very high-level, and they do the same thing. We take them back to basics, so where in your Five to Thrive are you not willing to go through the laboring process, you’re not willing to birth that idea, birth that business, really comes out of yourself, go through the laboring process, and then to receive fully all that love? Write that down and all your Five to Thrive.

Anything I can do to help you, please go to the Author of Your Own Story community, put it down. I’m happy to join in and help you as well. A lot of you are sending me messages, and I absolutely love them. It’s really difficult for me to get back to everybody … I’m getting hundreds of them coming in, so please go to the Author of Your Own Story community. Post there so I can get back to you, as well as our staff, and we have other coaches from around the world that I’m sure would be happy to jump in and help you get one step closer to being the author of your own story.

That’s it for me today. Remember, as always, go to authorofyourownstory.com, where you can have more tips, tricks, and deeper dives delivered right to your inbox. This is a fantastic resource that you should be taking advantage of because it’s free. Also, we have Author of Your Own Story University. If you’re one of those people that’s willing to take a deeper dive and to really go in and really investigate yourself and learn about that laboring process, so birthing becomes easier. It’s like getting a doula, almost, or getting a labor coach, which is what we did. It made things so much easier. That’s what Author of Your Own Story University is like. It’s where you’re going to have guided discussions, course topics, delivered right to you. We actually mail you, physically, a package along with an MP3 player so you can just listen to everything in your earbuds, keeping it simple. Of course, you can get it all digitally too.

Author of Your Own Story University. Make sure you get on that list. We only are going to open it up a few times here, just to make sure we keep it simple and we can also have that laser-like focus on each of our students. Go over there today and make sure you get signed up on that wait list so we can get you in. That’s it for me today. Remember, go out and be the author of your own story.

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Good is the Enemy of Great

Hey, how are you doing today? What most people will respond is, “I’m doing okay,” or “I’m doing good.” I’m here to tell you, as the Author of Your Own Story, good is the enemy of great. Why? Well, you already know that your physiology affects the way you do things, right? If you’re slumped over, you’re down, it makes you depressed. They’ve done studies that just by putting your shoulders back and smiling for over 30 days can clear depression. Now, how crazy is that? Of course, yeah, you can take drugs, and there are all kinds of things to cure clinical depression, but they did a study, just your body’s physiology.

What’s the physiological difference that you see in somebody that just says, “Hey, how you doing, I’m doing okay,” or “I’m doing good,” versus “I’m doing great!” That person that says that instantly feels great and becomes infectious of all of those around them. This can be applied to all of your five to thrive. How are you doing in your mind? Are you just doing good, or where else can you actually be doing great and raise the bar? Raise it now. Don’t wait. Do it now. Raise it with your energy. Bring more energy and intention to that, and don’t bring good energy, bring great energy. Bring great energy every time. Not only will that pick you up, give you more energy, but it will raise those people around you.

You see, you have a choice. You can change what’s called the triad, right? I learned this from Tony Robbins before, and that’s really changing your state, the things that, your physical being, and also your psychology, and the words coming out of your mouth. He calls it the triad, and that’s not exactly how it goes, but that’s how I currently use it.

And so, with that triad, or with changing your physiology, I’ll come home and I’ll be tired, right? I run five businesses. I do things. I love to be doing an in action, it just fills me up. But at the same time, I have a newborn, right? So it’s easy for me to be like, “Hey, it’s five or six o’clock.” I mean, I have flexible schedule, so I take a lot of time off, too, but it’s five or six o’clock, and I’m just tired. I’ve had all these things happening with the businesses, and we’re launching this thing, and my passion is Author of Your Own Story University, and it’s taken a lot out of me because I want it to be the best program out there. It’s easy for me just to lay down and have my infant son looking at me, like, “Hey, Dad. Oh, you’re tired? Okay.”

Or I can just change, right? I can stand up straight, stand up tall, smile, come up with three things I’m just extremely grateful, and I can walk in there with energy. Nine times out of ten, when I do that, and I come up to my little son, he just starts smiling and giggling. It’s the exact opposite. He can sense it, even at his young age. He’s going to start smiling and giggling, and I start smiling and giggling, and we start playing on the ground, and it’s just great. My energy is just so lifted, and things are great, and that’s a choice that we make, right?

Good is a choice, but so is great. You have people that complain, and they’re not even close to good, so we’ll forget that scenario, because I know you’re not one of them. But if you’re walking around and you’re just saying good … “How are you doing?” “I’m good.” Why not be great? Why not be great, emphasize it, and live into it. Don’t just be like, “Yeah, I’m great.” “I’m great! I’m doing great, things are amazing!” Because think about it: if you’re alive right now, if you are alive, life is good. Life is amazing. If you have the ability to watch these daily growth hacks, or listen to them, depending on how you decide to digest them, you are one of the privileged few in the world, and life is great for you, and there are a lot of people, I would guess millions of people, who would love to trade places with you right now. Life is great.

So remember, whenever you’re doing anything, anything in your five to thrive, or just in your daily life, strive for great. Don’t even strive for great, just be great. Be, do, have. Be, do, have. First you have to be, then you have to do, and then you get. Most people assume that they’re going to get something, which is going to create a feeling inside them that’s going to allow them to be this person, that’s going to allow them to be great. That’s not true. First you have to be great, then you have to do great things. That allows you to have greatness. Greatness in abundance in your life, and that’s what I want to talk about today. That’s what we’re talking about now, I mean. It’s just about being great.

Now, good is the enemy of great, and that’s something … If you’re one of those people that walks around, just like, “Hey, how you doing, Frank?” “Oh, I’m doing okay.” If that’s you, put a poster, put a banner on your computer screen, put something above your bed: Good is the enemy of great. That’s your new mantra. I want you to go out there, and each time someone’s talking to you and asking you how things are going, you’re doing great. You just are. I guarantee you, after 30 days, you’re going to feel better, you’re going to feel great. The work you do is going to be better. Your physiology is going to be better. Your relationships are going to be better. Your business is going to start growing exponentially, whether you’re an intrapreneur or an entrepreneur, everything around you is just going to start to improve, and that is how you become the author of your own story.

What I want you to do is grab your journal, just like we always do, and remember, do the work. Don’t be that person. Don’t be that person that’s good enough to listen to these daily growth hacks. You want to do the work. Start right now. You can go back and do the other ones. We have almost a hundred of these tips. That’s a hundred things that takes you from good to great. Now, doing the work is the difference between someone who’s good enough and someone who’s great. There’s a gap between. That gap is doing the work.

What I want you to do is grab your journal, write down your five to thrive. That’s your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business. I want you to write those down, and write down the areas that you’re just doing good in. When you write that down, I want you to rewrite that whole sentence, and write it down as, “I’m doing great in this area,” and believe it. I want you to embody that. And now, I want you to go out and do great. It’s simple as that.

A quick example: We use business, right? So, as a business owner, I could say, “You know, I’m really good at communicating with my staff. They’re all over the world. I’m really good at keeping them engaged and communicating with them.” So, I write that down. Now I’m going to rewrite that. “You know what? I’m great at communicating with my staff. I’m great at delegating, motivating them, letting them know the company’s vision, where we’re going, transparency with the numbers, our clients. I’m really just great at making sure they have every resource they need, and they know I have their back 24/7. They’re family to me.”

Just saying that just lights me up. It’s a different feeling all together, so I write that down. I write that down, and now that is my new mantra. That’s the new way I do things. That is the way I do things, and it’s the difference between good and great. It’s a small difference, but at the same time, it’s a huge difference, and it’s also the difference between being somebody who’s living life on someone else’s terms, or life on your own terms.

That’s it for me today. As always, go over to AuthorofYourOwnStory.com, sign up for the newsletter, where you’ll get more tips, tricks, and insights sent right to your inbox to help you bridge that gap from good to great. Go to the Author of Your Own Story community, and share this. And of course, share this three other people. It’s a simple thing to do. Pass this on to three people that you know that you think would benefit from this. Even if it’s just to start a conversation with them, and ask them, “Hey, where do you think I’m just doing good where I could be doing great?” That’s a great way to bridge a conversation to grow yourself, but also bring your tribe in. Build your tribe. Three people is all I’m asking, and it’s an easy task to do, and I hope you do it now.

That’s it for me today. Remember, go out and be the Author of Your Own Story.

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The Art of Dabbling

The art of dabbling. Well, I’m here to tell you it’s not an art at all. When you dabble, you actually don’t go anywhere. You can’t focus.

You’ve heard that saying, jack of all trades, but master of none. Well, that happens in our lives too, our careers. We seem to always dabble at that shiny new object. And if you’re an entrepreneur like me, it’s easy to get caught up in that. But how often are we dabbling in our own lives? I realized this in school, and you see this often, while you’re taking a history class has no relation to the English class you’re taking the next hour, which has no relationship to the math class you’re taking the hour after that. There’s no linear progress, you’re just dabbling in these subjects, year after year, as you’re building them on.

Now you are going in, and you are diving into them year after year, but there’s not a deep dive. Now we’ve also heard that if you want to master a language, how do you do it? Totally immersion. You dive in. It’s the absolute best way. Take it from somebody who’s been trying to speak Spanish for so many years. I listen to audios every day, but when I actually went down to Columbia, or when I’ve traveled around the world when I dive deep, I learn so quickly. It’s a necessity. You’re in the environment. It’s the best way to do it.

Just like when I started my agency, marketing, I dove deep. I was studying marketing 12-plus hours a day, every single day. I did this for a long time. I still study today. It’s just something I’m very passionate about, because it allows me to get my message, it allows me to achieve my mission. It’s the act of diving deep. Now I personally also did this in my own personal development and growth. You see, I started on the pack of personal development at a very young age.

Then I went into business development. Each time I dove really deep. Tony Robbins has got all these courses. My wife and I did them in less than two years, all of them. We went all in and went big. And we still study. I do this every single day. That’s what I want to ask you, in your life, in your career, maybe you’re an accountant, and maybe you’re really good at what you do, but you kind of dabble in this new stuff that’s going on here. Or maybe you’re a marketer, or you want to be a marketer. You want to have your own marketing agency.

You dabble a little here, you listen to a podcast here and there, and then you go off, you learn a little coding, but actually, then you start learning something else because all of a sudden cryptocurrency is big. “Yeah, maybe I can make some money on investments in Bitcoin,” or some of the new crypto currencies that are coming out. I get it. We have so many distractions because our inner game isn’t solid. That’s why these daily growth hacks.

If you’re doing these daily growth hacks, and you’re actually doing the work, and doing a deep dive, how can you take it to the next step? What books can you read? How often are we dabbling? Some of you have mastered something. You’ve mastered photography. You’ve mastered scuba diving. I know a lot of the listeners out there who’ve shared what their crafts are. We have a YouTube person on, that listens every day and always sends me messages.

If you’ve mastered your craft, but how many are just dabbling in your own life. You’re just barely scratching the surface. You’re just dabbling in who you are as a person. What are your possibilities? You’re limitless, so what is it? Why not dive real deep. Now you can do this in a multitude of ways, and this is exactly why we created the Author of Your Own Story University, that you don’t have to go to the university. Of course, we think it’s the best. We only created the Author of Your Own Story University because we couldn’t find anything that we thought was good enough.

We couldn’t find anything that we wanted, so we created something. We created something that was amazing. We dove deep into this. We are throwing everything we can at it. It’s absolutely amazing. In fact, I just got 120 MP3 players that will be shipping out to our members. That’s just one example, but you don’t have to do it with us. Listen to these daily growth hacks, and try something else.

If you’re mastering interpersonal relationships, make sure you go all in. Read 30 books and see what all the authors say and come with a general understanding on the topic, what exactly you want to do. Maybe you’re trying to master a part of your spirituality. Maybe you really want to just dive in. Talk to different spiritual leaders. Talk to people who have different faiths. That will challenge your beliefs and make you look at them a different way. I think that’s good. That’s healthy.

But if you’re gonna do it, like yourself, you’re gonna dive deep in anything, you need to dive deep into yourself first because that is your foundation. When everything around you starts to shake, the world comes, things happen. We have things that are thrown at us, people’s expectations, timelines, we get sick, other people get sick. If you don’t have a solid foundation on who you are as a person, and who you are as the author of your own story, that will all crumble.

Don’t dabble. Do not dabble. What I want you to do to right now, grab your journal. Write down your Five to Thrive. This is what we always do because this works. Write down your Five to Thrive. Each of those Five to Thrive areas, that’s your mind, body, soul, relationships, and business. I want you to write down where you’re dabbling, and where you’re diving deep. Maybe right now you’re on a deep dive into your physical performance. There’s somebody else out there that sent me a message today. Was telling me about how they’ve changed their lives with their diet, their exercise routine, not drinking any alcohol. I applaud you. You know who you are.

What are the other areas? Are you dabbling everywhere else? Are you making sure those are consistent while you’re doing your deep dive? Where in your Five to Thrive are you just dabbling and not really diving deep? Also what I want you to do, is right down below that, be honest with yourself. Look in the mirror. Really be honest and raw. This is a time for you, are you diving deep within you? Do you really know yourself? Have you really dove in deep into the subjects of intimacy, into creating the life that you really, really want.

When you look around right now, are you living your dream? If you’re not living your dream, it’s a shame. It really is. I’m not mad at you at all. I’m only mad at you if you don’t live your dream, and not striving to do so, then I’m gonna get upset because I think everybody has the inherent right to live life to its fullest and on their own terms. That’s what I want for you. I want you to journal.

Are you really just a dabbler right now? That’s okay because the first thing is just recognizing that. If you are, I want you to write down what is it like to be a master? What is it like to be to dive deep into your own personal and business development? What is that gonna look like? Now is that gonna look like joining a program like Author of Your Own Story University? Is that gonna look like getting a mentor? Is that gonna look like reading 30, 60, 100 books? Is that getting your 10,000 hours, as often talked about in different books like the Tipping Point or Malcolm Gladwell’s other books?

Get 10,000 hours to master a subject. Well, have you spent 10,000 hours focusing on you? Deep diving into who you are and what you’re about? If you haven’t, schedule it. This is the time. You’re gonna thank yourself a year later. I’d love to hear from you too. I’m looking for thanks, but I’d love to hear from you, and just hear more about your journey, because as you’re on your journey, it inspires me, and it inspires the other people around you, and I can share it. I can share it with others.

See, that’s my journey. My journey and my passion is to inspire and help over one million people live the Author of Your Own Story lifestyle. That’s why I do this and that’s what lights me up. That’s it for me today. Remember, do the work, and go out and be the Author of Your Own Story.

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What’s Your Frame of Reference?

A frame of reference. What it is, is what is your frame of reference of what’s acceptable or what your standards are? Now, oftentimes, we set our standards subconsciously a lot lower than we think. It really takes some diving into, some deep diving to see what that is. Now, something happened to me the other day. I told someone, “You know, I’m going to get up. I’m going to go to the gym because that’s what I do.” They thought, “Well, man, Doug. You’re just not sleeping as well. You got a new born. You got a new business. You got other businesses that you’re running. You moved your location. Give yourself some slack. Something’s got to give.” Well, you see, their frame of reference was different than mine when it comes to the body. My frame of reference was, “I’m going to get up, and I’m going to do this,” because, for me, it’s not acceptable not to.

For me, the author of my story, the man that I am, the man that I am becoming, he gets up at that time. He works out in the morning, and that’s exactly what I did. It didn’t take a struggle for me to do it. It’s just my frame of reference was different than theirs. Simple as that. I have another client. All right. I’m working with him. When I first started working with him, his story, what he said, was stupid. I have talked about him before in these daily growth hacks, so you may remember him. He listens to these, so I’ll say, “Hi,” but I won’t give his name. His frame of reference was he was stupid. That was his story. He’s just not smart. He was intimidated being around other smart people. However, he was around smart people all the time.

One thing I had him do was after we’re working for a while, I said, “Hey, look. Let’s change that. Let’s change your frame of reference. Can you list just five reasons that someone could say you’re smart?” Now, he really struggled with this. Then, I talked to him. I was like, “Look, do you think I’m smart?” He did, which surprised me, but he did. I said, “Well, gosh. You can build a hotel. You can build houses. You look at construction. You can look at the walls. You can look at things that I just don’t understand. You seem extremely smart to me.” We have conversations about philosophy, about life. They don’t come across. You have great insights. He stopped for a second and was like, “Wow, that’s right, Doug. I do. People are always commenting on my work and the things that I do, the architectural work that I do.” He’s working at the top hotels in the world.

We were talking about this, and so his frame of reference, I said, “Look, can you come up with five things, five reasons to raise your frame of reference, to raise your reference from being stupid to actually be smart?” It took a second, and then he started writing down. He came up with five pretty quickly. We looked at that, and I said, “Gee, let’s look at your circle of influence, the people you spend time with. Are they stupid?” He was like, “No, no. They’re actually extremely smart. In fact, I get nervous around them.” I said, “Well, do you think these smart people would spend their time and invest their energy around someone who they think is stupid?” He thought about it for a second. He’s like, “No. Actually, no. I definitely know they wouldn’t.” “Why are they spending their time with you, then? It’s not because you’re stupid. It’s because you’re actually smart. Your frame of reference needs to change.”

What I had him do, I had him do something that I’m going to have you do. That is looking at your frame of reference. For him, this was in the category of mind. What is your frame of reference? What is it coming with? Look at your past. A lot of times, it’s subconscious, you know? His story, we had to dig it out of him a little bit, although it became clear to me right away. We dug it out of him, so he could see it. Now, for you, if you’re working on this by yourself, I want you to grab your journal. Write down your five to thrive, and write your frame of reference in each section of the five to thrive. Don’t skip them. If you can’t find one, ask a friend. Ask somebody. Go to the Author Of Your Own Story group and start posting questions. This is where you get to dig deep. We all set our thermostat at a certain level, but we don’t rise above it unless we change our frame of reference.

You can have all the tools, tricks, techniques, whatever it is. If your frame of reference hasn’t changed, you won’t change too. You always go down or up to that frame of reference set point or that thermometer, as I like to say at times. An example could be the body. You know, a couple of days ago, I was actually having a conversation. I was tired. I mentioned it. Someone said, “Gee, something’s got to give, Doug. Don’t work out. Take a week off. Why would you even do that to yourself? Look, you got a brand new baby. You moved. You’re moving houses. You started a new business. You have four other businesses that you’re running. It’s ridiculous. Take a week off. Give yourself a break. Relax, come on.” What they didn’t get is my frame of reference was much different when it comes to terms with my body. For me, that just wasn’t acceptable. If something’s got to give, maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t, but not my workouts. My frame of reference had changed. There is time to back off, and I’m a big proponent in that, but this wasn’t one of them.

My frame of reference was set at a certain level that was much higher than theirs when it comes to terms with my fitness and my body. What did I do? Yes, I got up the next morning. I went to the gym, and I worked out. It felt great. I felt full of energy after that workout. Now, the difference between me and them was my frame of reference. My frame of reference happened to be higher in that category. There are other categories where my frame of reference, I know, is very low. I’m always working on that. How can I raise that consciously? What are other subconscious little tidbits coming in? The little voice in our head that plays while we’re in the shower or where things are going hard, right, in our lives. That little voice that says, “You can’t do it,” or “This is good enough.” Those things. What is that metabolic set point in the mind? It’s not metabolic. We use metabolic in the fitness industry, but what is that setpoint that you’re going through in your mind and in your spirit that you go through? That’s your body.

What about your soul? What’s your frame of reference for what’s acceptable? Maybe you’re a Christian, so what’s your frame of reference for what’s acceptable in your morality or your practice? You know, I know people that their frame of reference is, “I go to church every Sunday. I go to bible study every week, and I read at the dinner table. That’s it. That’s just my frame of reference. That is what is acceptable to me.” Well, I know other people who, their spirituality is, “I will meditate every morning,” period. I know Atheists. I know Jews. I know Muslims. I know Hindus. I know people from all different religious walks. They all have different frames of reference, so what is their frame of reference? Is this the area you’re skirting for one reason or another? In other words, is this the one area you’re throwing to the side because if it is, I can tell you. The rest of your holistic perspective is also going to suffer.

What about relationships? You know, there are certain people that have relationships. If you’re in a relationship with a significant other, there are people that say, “Hey, this person’s abusive, but that’s okay because, you know, they only hit me every once in a while. He’s a nice guy. He gets a good job, so it’s all right.” We have somebody else that has a frame of reference like, “You touch me or you even speak to me badly, I’m out. I’m gone because my frame of reference or my standards is much higher.” You see, this is two different people, two different frames of reference. One is way down low, and one’s up much higher. What is your frame of reference when it comes to relationships, when it comes to significant others or when it comes to friends? You know, I have standards for my friends. In my standards, I’m trying to constantly raise them. That doesn’t mean I get rid of my old friends. It just means when I’m looking for new friends or meeting people that can potentially be in my inner circle, I want to make sure my frame of reference for what’s acceptable is much higher.

There are certain things I just won’t allow to happen, all right? I won’t allow somebody in my inner circle that abuses someone, who takes advantage of someone who’s weaker for them. That is a standard that I just will not accept, but what’s yours? What are your frames of reference in relationships with co-workers, with your boss, with yourself? That’s a big one. What’s your standard for yourself? How can you constantly raise that one? I’m always trying to do that, and your business, right?

Now, if you’re an entrepreneur, you’re working in a business, what’s your frame of reference for what’s acceptable? Are you shutting down your computer at 4:50 because you’re off at 5:00? Do you show up a little late, and you take a little longer break at lunch? You see, my frame of reference as a business owner is that’s stealing. You’re stealing from the person who’s paying you, and you should certainly not get a raise because, to me, my frame of reference is somebody that works hard, stays longer. They prove the results before accepting the value. They give value first. Me, as a business owner, what’s my frame of reference for what’s acceptable? I have a certain income that is acceptable for my frame of reference. I’m working on raising that. The reason I’m working on raising that is I’m raising my standards, but I also want to provide for my family, my extended family, the gifts that I’ve had to build, the travel, education, be able to work on themselves, to have the lifestyle that I have, to be the author of their own story.

I want to help them do that. I raise my frame of reference. Things like money stories. These are other areas you can go into, but for right now, what I want you to do, pull out your journal. Please do this. You’re going to regret it if you don’t. You know, actually, if your standard, your frame of reference is it’s good enough just to listen to these and somehow, it magically is going to help you? Well, it’s not. You raise your standard. Raise your frame of reference to the point where you’re actually doing the work. Do the work here, so grab your journal. Write out your five to thrive. Your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, your business. Write up your current frame of reference of what is acceptable to you. “Yes, you know, I workout every once in a while. I gain some weight. It’s no big deal.” Does that serve you as the author of your own story? Probably not, so what could you do to change your frame of reference?

You know, I’m somebody who works out at least four times a week and treats my body like a temple. I really take care of myself, but maybe I also enjoy the finer things of life like certain restaurants or food. Whatever it is for you. I’m not asking you to be militant. I’m asking for your story. What it is for you. I want you to have that new frame of reference. I want you to come up with at least five things. Five things you can verify that is actually true, that this is true about you or about who you’re going to become. Now, if you can’t come up with those five and it’s hard, again, post in The Author Of Your Own Story group on Facebook, and we’ll work with you. We’ll help you. The people in the university, you guys already are way ahead of this program, but I also want you to come up with role models. Who are some role models that, already, you believe already have this frame of reference, equal or above what you’re trying to achieve? The new of reference you’re changing. These are role models.

For example, I’ll use the mind. My friend and client who thinks he’s stupid. What are some frames of reference? He can look at intelligent people who are playing at a higher level, or at least feels that are intelligent and use them as role models to see what are they doing consistently? Now, when we did this for him, what we found out was that all of these people are either listening to or reading something to better their mind on a daily basis. This daily growth hack could be yours, right? That’s great if you’re taking action. You need to take action. I keep saying that over and over again because I know what it’s like to be out there. I used to be one that used to listen to audio and podcasts all the time and maybe not always do the work. Now, I do. What is your frame of reference, and who are those people that are at that standard or that frame of reference that you have? Make sure you write those down and figure out what they’re doing.

If you want bonus points, if you want to take it a step further and really go after it, reach out to each of those people and tell them what it is you like about them. “I really love the fact that you seem really smart, Kyle or Ginger ,” whoever that person is. You know, I’m raising my frame of reference. You can tell him what it is. Share this podcast with them. I mean how great would it make somebody feel to have a podcast like this shared to them or a video shared with them and saying, “I was watching this, and I think of you as a standard that I want to become.” No one’s going to put you down. They’re going to be like, “Holy cow, that’s amazing. Thank you so much.” Then, ask them, “How do you feel you get there? What are your standards?” Really ask them and interview them. Not only will you bring somebody closer into your relationship circle, into your inner circle, but you’re going to raise your standards you’re going to raise your frame of reference just by working with them.

That’s it for me today. I won’t be labeling the point, but do the work. Make sure you’re writing that down in your journal. Then remember, build your own inner circle. Build your tribe. Share this with at least three other people you think will benefit from them. Share it with them and bring them in. Bring the conversation in, and while you build your tribe, you build the people around you.

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Someday

Someday, I’m going to go to Africa. Someday, I’m actually going to travel overseas. Someday, I’m going to run a 10K. Someday, I’m going to start my own business and it’s going to be millions of dollars coming in. Someday, I’m going to meet the perfect man or woman. Someday, I’m going to take time out of my day and meditate and really center myself. Someday, I’m going to be present. Someday, I’m going to meet the President of the United States. When is someday?

Well, for most people, someday is never day. It just never happens. We hear this all the time. Don’t wait. Someday should start today. Now, your journey is perfect in your imperfections. Often times, we use someday as an excuse because we’re missing something. There’s a gap between where we are today and where we think we need to be to actually hit that someday.

Well, I’m here to tell you right now there doesn’t have to be a gap. That gap is just air. Someday can be today. Take the time today to make your someday a reality. What do you need to do? What changes? What gets fixed? Or what just gets moved out of the way? Often times when I’m coaching a client, what I find is the difference between someday and reality or where they are right now is really just a limiting belief. It’s just thin air that gets to be pushed away. Do you want to start your own business? Do it after work. Do you want to travel overseas? Well, how much does it cost for a ticket to Africa, for example? How can you start saving now each and every week?

Maybe it’s skimping on that $3.00 latte you have. You know that $3.00 latte over the course of a month that you’re having every day as you’re going to Starbucks or wherever else it is your favorite coffee shop, you know, that’s going to add up. It’s going to add up significantly. I mean that’s almost $1,000 at the end of the month. You want a ticket, just skip that for a couple months. There’s your ticket to Africa and give vacation time.

If you own your own business, trust in your staff. Build it. Let them know. Share your dreams with them. Make someday today. Make someday a reality. What I’m asking you right now is, where in your Five to Thrive, your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships and your spirit, are you living into someday? Are you living like hey someday, I’m going to have a six pack? Someday, I’m actually going to take the time and I’m going to read each night. Someday, I’m going to go to Africa. Someday, I’m going to find the man or woman of my dreams or someday, I’m going to do something else. Someday, I’m going to find a mentor who’s going to actually help me get out of this BS I keep swimming in. Often times, you’ll see ourselves and we see it clearly in other people, they’re just spinning their wheels. They’re stuck in the same place spinning their wheels, talking about someday.

Someday, it’s going to be great. Someday, I’ll be able to do this and they use that someday as an excuse. They use that someday as an excuse or a comfort blanket to make themselves feel good about where they are today because you know what? Someday, this is going to happen. Well, guess what, you can make someday today. That’s what being the Author of Your Own Story is all about. Do it now. Take action. Remember, your imperfect now makes it perfect for your Author of Your Own Story journey. That’s all for me today. Remember, go out and be the Author of Your Own Story.

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Taking Responsibility for the Way the Other Person Feels

Today I’m gonna talk about relationships. And what I’m gonna talk about are more romantic relationships, although this can be applied across the board. This could be applied to friendships and co-workers, and business, an employee, or maybe a boss depending on where you’re working, and also just friends. So just any interpersonal relationship.

Often times what happens, especially in our daily life, we have things coming at us all the time. We have text messages, phone calls, emails, the TV’s on, the radio’s on. We’re always constantly being stimulated. Often times, that affects our communication. The reason it affects our communication is often times things are said and misinterpreted. This can happen by text messages or chats, often, because you can’t hear the emotion that somebody is sending through. You can really misinterpret that.

But even talking one-on-one, you can misinterpret the intention of something that somebody says in our busy lifestyle. So let me give you an example, this is an old example from way back when my wife and I were just married, or just started dating actually, something that could have happened. I don’t have one off recollection, but this is the way it might go and you might be able to relate to this. Maybe I came home from work and I just notices that the kitchen counter was just messy.

I might have said, “Geez the kitchen’s so messy.” She might have replied right away, taking offense, thinking I was attacking her, saying, “Well gosh, I’m working all day too. You could do something.” And then that would escalate. “Hey, that’s not what I meant.” But by saying that’s not what I meant, does that ever really help? No. no one stops and goes, “Oh that’s not what you meant. Well geeze, please tell me.” It doesn’t work that way. Emotions start to escalate. They go up an escalation ladder.

Backing into that, she would ask for an apology. “Apologize to me.”

“Well I’m not apologizing,” I would say. “You know, I didn’t say anything wrong. You’re just being sensitive,” which is always guys, the worst thing to say. Back then, I just wasn’t as clear. I’d be like, “Look I’m not apologizing. I wasn’t wrong in this situation. I just simply made an observation that the counter is a mess, and you took it the wrong way. That’s your fault, your problem.” I know this sounds like I’m being a jerk, and I’m making this example up, but I kind of was a jerk I guess, because I didn’t know any better back then. I didn’t want to apologize. My pride did not want me to apologize, and my integrity, because I didn’t want to lie and say, “Gee, I’m sorry, you know, that I said that,” because I wasn’t sorry I said it.

But what I came to understand is, what I really was sorry for, was the way that she felt. I never wanted to hurt her feelings. I love and cherish my wife. I want her to always be happy. So what I’ve learned to do over time is apologize for the way the other person feels, the way that my words landed. I own that responsibility between the communication, between what comes out of my mouth and how it lands in that other person’s brain.

What I would say now is, “Geez I’m so sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean that at all, and I love and cherish you. So let my example be what I’m trying to say.” When I say that, I’ve taken ownership. I’ve apologized for hurting her feelings. Now her defenses go down. Her defenses go down so she can relax and actually receive what I’m about to say. Where previously, it would just be her defenses would go up, and then she would react. My defenses would go up, I would react, and we’d go back and forth of this volley, that was never productive. And resolving it both by sitting on the couch upset, or me going to my office and her going somewhere else. And just that constant clash until we’re able to make up.

This happens all across the board. It happens in business often, it happens with friends. What I’ve learned to do is take responsibility for my words on how they land on the other people. This doesn’t mean lying or apologizing for what I say. Sometimes I do if I say something wrong, of course. But often times it’s like, “Hey I’m sorry that didn’t land properly. Let me try this again. I really respect you, and I really want you to understand where I’m coming from, and I want to understand where you’re coming from and make sure you feel heard.”

Now, if someone told you that, how do you react? Do you get angry? No. You’re like, “Wow. This person wants to hear what I have to say?” And yes, yes I do. I want to make you feel heard. I don’t only want to hear you, I want to make you feel heard. That’s a big difference. So if my wife were to say something to me, then I could come back and repeat it back to her, but she may not feel heard. That’s a difference. That took me a while to learn the difference between feeling heard and being heard.

I can recite things verbatim, very logically, exactly what she said. But to her, she didn’t feel heard. She didn’t feel understood is really what she was telling me from the heart center. That’s how we are all communicating, whether you realize that or not. In business, often times, we are doing business, so my life as a coach, I have to actually feel into what people are saying. When I feel and I focus on the present, people are allowed to pour out. They’re allowed to tap into the best of themselves. I create that physical space in space, that they can actually come into, and step into their power.

I want the same thing. So what I’m gonna talk to you about, is what I want you to do is list maybe the top five most important relationships in your life right now. The top five. What I want you to journal about is, where in those top five have you had conflicts, and maybe or you’ve had conflicts where you don’t feel fully understood or heard. What I want you to do to is reach out to those people. Reach out to each of these people and then I want you to listen. I want you to fully hear them. I want you to call them.

Maybe I’ll call a friend of mine, Perry. Maybe I’ll reach out and say, “Hey Perry, you know, I know the last time that we talked, things were just a little off. But I really want to understand where you’re coming from, and it’s really important to me, our friendship is really important to me. And I really want to know what’s going on. So talk to me. Tell me what’s happening? What’s going on right now? And I want to make sure you feel heard. Now after Perry exchanges, sometimes it can be uncomfortable for a lot of people, but you need to step into that power because this is your life. This is your story. You’re the author of your own story, and you want to live an epic life.

An epic life has connection. Sometimes that requires you to be braver than the other person, and step out into an uncomfortable space. When you step out to this uncomfortable space and having this dialogue, I might say after Perry’s done telling me, I’ll say, “Geez. That’s really interesting. You know, what I’m hearing you say,” and repeat back. Now again, often times especially when I’m talking to guys, I might switch it up a little bit, but it sounds a little therapy-ish, but they actually walk away feeling really good. It’s like, “Holy cow, like how often is someone really listening to you?”

I’ll talk to them. I’ll say, “Hey look, last time we talked, you know we walked away from the conversation. It just didn’t feel good, and I want to apologize for not communicating as well as I could because again, this relationship’s really important to me.” Now, I’m not apologizing for anything I said, but I’m apologizing for the way it landed. Again, I want you to pull out your journal, write down your top five people. Write down any recent conflicts or miscommunications. When I say miscommunication, communications where you have not felt fully understood, completely understood, or you know that they haven’t felt fully understood. Now go clear that up.

Now remember, this is the time to take action. Yeah, you can call them tomorrow, next week, but in my experience, that never happens. So call now. Call them, write them, email them, now. Do it. Take action. You will feel so much better, and so will they. And you’ll be stepping into your power. I can guarantee you, that just by doing this one simple exercise, you’ll feel better about yourself, you’ll have more energy, and it’ll allow you to fulfill your dreams that much quicker.

That’s all I have today. If you liked this, of course, build your tribe. Share this with five people you know. In fact, you could share this with the five people that you’re going to talk to, and tell them you’re doing this exercise. Share the love. That’s what we’re here for. We’re here to make the world a better place, and we’re here to help you become the author of your own story. So part of that is building your tribe, and by building your tribe, tell people what you’re listening to. Tell people, share those conversations. These conversations you and I are having, right here, right now, share them with people.

That’s it for me today. Remember to go out and be the author of your own story.

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Who Takes The Final Shot In Your Life?

I was watching a video by Eric Thomas and if you haven’t heard Eric Thomas speak or watched him before, go do it. Search for him on YouTube, he’s also got an album on Amazon Music Unlimited, go check it out, I highly recommend it. Eric was talking about Steph Curry and taking the final shot. Now I’ll try to relate the story to you the best that I can. I’m going to go for this from memory, so excuse me if I get some of the stats wrong, but the general point, you’ll get it.

It’s game three of the 2015 NBA Finals, it’s the first round of playoffs between the Golden State Warriors and the New Orleans Pelicans. Now what was happen, it was the end of the game, the Warriors were down by 20 points and they didn’t know, 20 points is a lot, and so what they did, time and time again, is they went to their MVP. They went to the person that they trusted the most to take that final shot. To take the ball, when you see these pictures and the story being told dramatically as it’s told on ESPN or Sportswriters or even ET talking about it. Here you have Steph Curry, he’s taking the ball, he grabs it, three pointer, drains, he got another shot, he’s got a guy with a seven-foot wing span in his face, what does Steph Curry do? Eyes closed drains it. Swish. The Warriors came back from a 20 point deficit to win the game. Steph Curry’s stats were astounding, 40 points, 5 rebounds, and 9 assists.

Now this sounds amazing, and it is, I mean it’s absolutely amazing. What happened was the Warriors knew, the team knew they could rally around Steph Curry because they knew he could do it. The reason they knew it was because time and time again he’s proven himself. In practice, there’s a video of him just shooting three pointers. He made 94 out of 100 three point shots with 77 of them being consecutive three pointers. Now even if you’re not a basketball fan, that is impressive. What that tells me is he has honed his skill, time and time again in practice, so when it came to the game, it wasn’t a big deal. “Down by 20, Finals? Not a problem, I do this every single day,” must have been running through Steph Curry’s mind. Even more importantly, it was also running through the mind of his teammates.

You see in a game like that, where millions of dollars are on the line, pride, these are athletes, they have a tremendous amount of just gusto, they’ve been doing this their whole lives. They give the ball, the one championships, they give the ball to Steph Curry because they have confidence in them and he has confidence in himself because he was doing the work every day.

This makes me think, in my life and in yours, who’s the MVP? Who’s the person when it comes the line, when it comes down to the most important decisions, who is your MVP? Now if you didn’t say yourself right away, that’s something to write about. What I want you to do is journal about that. Why aren’t you your own MVP? You know when it comes down to it, why aren’t you the person that is taking the ball for your life and taking that final shot? If you don’t trust yourself and you’re always turning to other people for their input, maybe that’s something that you need to change. Maybe that’s something that you need to look at and find out why.

Now what I want you to do right now is grab your journal, now again, if you didn’t say yourself, that’s fine, we want to journal about that. I do want you to list your MVPs in your five to thrive, so that’s your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business. Who are those MVPs that you have? Who are the top five people that you can turn to when the game is on the line and pass them the ball? In your mine, who’s somebody that you look to for inspiration or guidance? Somebody that might have a little bit more worldly wisdom or more business experience or actually might know something that you’re striving for and then when you’re looking for that counsel, you turn to. Who are those people? Write them down. What is it about them that allows you that confidence to hand them the rock, to hand them the ball at the end of the game?

What about your body? Who is it that you trust? Do you have a trainer? Is that somebody you look at or a nutritionist or is there somebody you follow online? Who is that person in the body that’s your MVP? Now again this can be you, but also you want to have other supporting cast members as well.

In your soul, who is the person you turn to for spiritual guidance? That could be a spiritual leader at your church, your mosque, your temple. What are you doing and what are those things that allow you to be the MVP? For example, in the idea of spirituality, you know if you’re a Christian, are you reading the Bible every day or are you reading the Quran or the Torah? Are you practicing our meditation on a daily basis? Really, the spirit is wherever it is for you, for some of you I know it’s just going outside, so are you doing that on a regular basis so when it comes crunch time when it comes down to life pouring itself on you or that feeling that we all get. I had friend describe it as wearing a warm, wool blanket. A wet blanket on you and you just kind of feel down. Who is the person that you turn to, to peel that off? If it’s not you, what are those things you could be doing consistently to make sure that when it comes crunch time, you can pull it off? That’s the key.

What about your business? Who’s your MVP? Now if you thinking your business, “Ah easy, MVP is me.” Now you’re wrong because you don’t own a business, you own a job. When I do coaching, so I do business lifestyle coaching, I work with business owners and entrepreneurs who are their way. What I talk to them about is, if you have a business, yeah you want MVPs, you want them all to be people you can turn to, so you can leave and work on the higher level strategy. If you’re not doing that yet, what are those things you can do every day and practice to get there? Maybe it’s training your staff. Maybe it’s every day having to stand up meetings, whatever it is for you, there are 100 things I can think of right now, but what I want you to do is grab your journal, write out your five to thrive.

Do this. Don’t leave the space of making a decision and coming up with insight, without taking immediate action. Always take action, action first. Write down your five to thrive, write down your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business and write those five people down each category. Now, what makes them the person you turn to? Then what I want you to do is, what can you do on a consistent daily basis, some people call it key stone habits or just daily habits that you can do that will actually make you the MVP so when things happen, when stuff goes down, you’re able to be the Steph Curry in your own life. That’s how you become the Author of Your Own Story.

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Changing the Way You Look At Things

Now, when you change the way you look at things, the way you look at things actually changes. Now, what do I mean by that? Well, if you’re always a grump person, or if you’re always assuming things are gonna go bad, you start to notice all the bad things in life. All the bad things are happening in your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, your business.

Conversely, if you always expect the best, you’re always looking for the good in people, you see the good in your Five to Thrive as well as all around you. Now, I know this sounds a little abstract to many of you, so let me use an analogy that I use time and time again that really, I think, drive it home. Have you ever found yourself really interested in a car? Now for me, several years ago, it was Sprinter vans. I wanted a 4×4 Sprinter van so I could convert it into my ultimate off-road lifestyle vehicle. Where I could work from, I could play from, and travel the world.

I hadn’t seen any. I saw them online, but never say them around town, or driving around, and that’s what I wanted. Well, soon enough, maybe a couple of days later, I was seeing Sprinter van after Sprinter van. Everywhere I would go, I would notice them, I would see them. Roof racks, ladders out the sides, 4×4 tires, it was so exciting. All of a sudden everybody had a Sprinter van except for me.

Now, eventually I bought one, I converted it, and I absolutely love it. But I’ve also had this happen with other things, with other cars that I wanted. I really like Land Rovers, I like the look, I like the fell, I like the way they drive. Next thing you know, everybody’s driving them. I’m seeing them everywhere when originally they were just hard to find.

Now, were more driving Sprinter vans or were more people driving Land Rovers? No, absolutely not. I changed the way I was looking at things. I actually to started to frame my mind to look for these objects, because that’s what I was focusing on. Now, the same thing can happen to you, right? So, let’s say you’re expecting the world to end, and I had a conversation in Santa Barbara with somebody who was kind of somewhat joking about this. But, everything that they were talking about had a negative twist, had a reason the world was gonna end. You know we had global warming, we have US politics, we have all of these things coming in, and everytime something that was mentioned, even if it was insects, they carried a disease, it was always negative. And you could actually physiologically see this on the person, and it weighing them down.

Conversely, I had a talk with somebody else, and they were so upbeat and they saw the world as expanding, as ever abundant. And when we talked to them they just filled the room with energy. And filled me with energy and love, just a basic conversation. In everything, they saw US politics was changing, and it was great because it was gonna evolve into something better. Yeah, the insects carry diseases, but the insects are pollinating the flowers, which allows us to have food in abundance. They saw it totally differently, and it was just a mindset change.

So, the way that you look at things changes, always, the way that you actually interact with them. So I’m gonna ask you this, grab your journal, right now, write out your Five to Thrive and leave a couple of space. So it’s your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business. Where in each of those sections are you currently viewing something that if you change the way you look at it, you change the paradigm, it’ll actually effect the way that you see things? Effect the way that you react to the world?

So, I’ll give you a couple of examples. Body, right? If you’re always walking around saying I’m tired, or I’m fat, and I’ve shared with you my own dialogue was always being tired. And when I flipped the script on that, telling myself, “I’m not really tired, I have an abundance of energy, if I won the lottery right now, I wouldn’t be taking a nap, I’ll tell you that right now.” Right? So when I changed that, all of a sudden I have all of this energy coming into my life, and I realized, “Wow, everything I’m doing gives me passion and energy.” I can’t look at it the same anymore. It changes the way that I see things.

Where is this happening to you? Are you walking around saying “Jeez, I just can’t workout because I don’t enough time,” or, “I wish I was only five pounds heavier, I’m so fat.” Whatever it is, where can you flip that script, where can you flip your paradigm and see things a little bit differently, that will allow you, give you an advantage or will allow you to better act as the Author of Your Own Story. It’ll create a better system.

Because think about it, right? If you’re walking through the negative thought pattern, or one that’s disempowering, so it’s not empowering you to do your best, you have the opportunity of changing that. That’s a paradigm shift. You have the opportunity to see it differently.

So let’s use global warming as an example. Global warming, obviously horrible. I’m a believer, I think most of you probably are too. This is something that just isn’t good, any way you look at it, right? I go outside, it’s hot, it’s ridiculous. I’ve got fair skin so I get burnt so easily. But there are other ways to look at that. I can focus just on the negative aspects of the weather. But I can also go, “I can go outside and enjoy the beautiful air, the freshness of the mountains,” and not focusing on the negativity of global warming, but focusing on the beauty that’s around me.

And all of a sudden by changing that paradigm and coming up with five things I’m grateful for, for the outdoor environment, just five. If I can do that, it changes my paradigm. It shifts my feelings, right. So when I think about the negativities of global warming, it depresses me. Depresses me. But when I actually think about five things I’m grateful for about being outside, that excites me and empowers me and it gives me more energy that I could apply to more things like the Author of Your Own Story University, or this podcast, or this video that you’re watching. It really depends.

That is just a paradigm shift. I use this every single day in my business. In my business lifestyle, I use this all the time. Things happen in business. Now, it’s the way you perceive them and the way you react to them that makes it completely different. So, what I want you to do is write down your Five to Thrive, write down just disempowering beliefs or disempowering thoughts, or the way that you’re seeing things in your life that might be disempowering you. I want you to write those down, and then write the converse thing. Write the opposite.

So, for example, if it’s I’m fat, then you can also say, “Hey look, you know what, I have an abundance of energy that allows me to keep going.” Or, “I have plenty of muscle that will allow me to do the things I want to do.” There are all kinds of ways to do it. And if you can’t think of something, let’s say you hit soul, that’s a common one that people have blocks around for some reason, but if you can’t think of something think about any complaints that you have in that area. Maybe it’s “I can’t think of anything.”

What are those complaints and then what’s the converse of that? Where do you want that to be, and change that pattern? Start looking at the pattern of what you want it to be, and see things through that lens. Yes, it’s a practice. Are you gonna see it right away? Maybe, maybe not. But if you practice seeing things through that lens over time, just like working out, it becomes a muscle that you can use.

Remember, you’re setting this to be an advantage for you, that’s the goal here. Make it empowering for you rather than disempowering. So empowered thoughts, conversations, but also the way you see the world, especially in your Five to Thrive, will help you better accelerate your journey and becoming the Author of Your Own Story.

That’s it from me today. As always, build your tribe, share this with at least three other people today. Doesn’t have to be the same three people. Share it with them and get conversations going. Conversations that matter, and conversations that are going to allow you to surround yourself with people who are going to continue to empower you.

Have a great a day, and remember, go out and be the Author of Your Own Story.

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Next Entries »

What Are Your Rules?

Rainmakers Always Have a Seat At The Table

Giving Birth

Good is the Enemy of Great

The Art of Dabbling

What’s Your Frame of Reference?

Someday

Taking Responsibility for the Way the Other Person Feels

Who Takes The Final Shot In Your Life?

Changing the Way You Look At Things

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