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Mind – Experts

Many of us are experts in a particular area – fitness, finance, or something else. As an expert, it’s often easy to expect people to seek you out and beat down a door for your knowledge. After all, you are the expert and you have the solution to people’s problems!

This is a common scenario sadly. When I first opened my private personal training gym in Santa Barbara, we had a strength coach who was extremely knowledgeable and proficient. He could help an athlete get better at their sport or help you drop those hard to lose 10 pounds you’ve been struggling with. Yup, he had the answer to your fitness problems.

He washed out after a few months – he couldn’t make it. Why could someone with so much formal and practical education not make it in a place where others, seemingly less knowledgeable then he, thrived?

He was an expert, but he sat in his ivory towner (or our landing at the office), read books and articles, and waited for people to come and seek him out.

This is a crutch that many gurus have and they often believe that sales and marketing is somehow beneath them. “I wouldn’t do that”, they say.

These experts fall into what I call the victim mentality. They feel they are owed something due to their knowledge and hard work obtaining it, yet they don’t go the extra mile and obtain the skills that allow them to share their knowledge with the world. It’s sad.

Our brains are preprogrammed to allow us to justify just about anything that we deem as a threat to our egos. It’s automatic and as far as I can tell, you can’t stop it. But, what you can do is realize that this is a natural condition and train your brain to catch it in the act and ask quality questions to get you back on track. I won’t go into this process here, but it’s worth studying.

Gurus, or experts, often justify to themselves that they have the answer to people’s problems around what they specialize in, and therefore people should seek them out if they truly want to solve that problem. When people don’t call or show up, these same experts believe that they’ve been somehow wronged and that their potential customer is the villain, thus further pushing them away. They go into victimhood – blaming their potential customer or their competition. Often this turn into resentment and can manifest itself into isolation or self-destructive behaviors.

The successful expert has taken the time to learn how to communicate their value to their audience. Often this is through providing value first and really diving into the real problems that their audience is trying to solve. For example, why does someone really want to drop 10 pounds? Is it because they want the number on the scale to be smaller, or is it because they want their husband to look at them with the same level of desire they felt when they first got married? Figuring out what your audience really wants, then delivering value, is the key to being a successful expert rather than a bitter one sitting in an ivory tower.

Homework for today:

  1. What are you an expert in, or an area in your life where you know a lot more than the average person?
  2. What problem do you solve? I’m not talking about the logical solution, but what problem are you really solving when you break it down to its core?
  3. How can you, today, provide value to your audience? Are you delivering value first, before asking for the sale, or are you the ivory tower expert who expects to get paid before showing value?
  4. What is one thing you can do to improve in your sales and marketing each week? (Hint: subscribing to Author of Your Own Story is a darn good start!)

There’s freedom in truth and freedom in doing the hard work. To me, there’s nothing tougher, and nothing more rewarding, then doing the hard work on yourself. Change your mindset, feed your brain, and become the Author of Your Own Story!

Right or Happy?

Today’s Insight

Right or Happy?

What’s more important to you, to be right, or to be happy?

When you hold onto your position in a disagreement with someone else, notice how hard you hold to your belief. Are you defending your stance with impunity?

This can happen in relationships – toilet seat up vs toilet seat down, who’s responsible for taking out the trash and when, or are you supposed to make the bed immediately after getting up vs making the bed at all.

This can happen in business – people should listen to what I say every time as I’m the expert, or emails should be returned within two hours vs important communication should be done on the phone and not via email, or perhaps one I hear often from coaching clients – I always have to redo everything my staff does.

This can happen in any area of your life and seems to come up most with those closest to you. The questions are typically small and seem to have a repeating pattern.

The more you are holding onto your belief of being right, the more you should consider that it’s time for you to realize that it’s not about the belief, or about the other person… it’s about you.

Take a moment after reading this to identify a belief that you have been fighting for, especially if it’s one that has been repeating in your life and ask yourself the following:

Does believing this make me happy and my life better?

Is my belief an undisputable fact – meaning no one could dispute it?

Is this belief I’m holding onto so strongly really about the issue, or is it about something else?

If you answer yes to any of those, then take a few deep breaths, and let it go. Choose to come up with a compromise rather than a conflict. Choose to be happy rather than right… it’s a healthier way to live.

What If You Could Transform Your Life For The Better In Just 90 Days?