Coke and Hookers…
That’s how his weekend started.
He was coming to a retreat for business leaders and had flown half-way around the world to be there. He was not only a successful businessman, but he was also a father, a husband, and a leader in his community.
When he arrived in Boston, he met up with a few other men who had traveled from around the world to attend the event. They went to dinner, then off to karaoke, and that’s when most headed in for the night… but not him.
On the way back to the hotel he turned to the driver and said: “where can we get coke and hookers?”
There was one other man in the cab who told him it was a bad idea, but in the end, he went along anyway.
The night ended with regret and shame.
He had done exactly what he swore he would never do. He had become the man he had been trying so hard to escape from becoming.
He had hit his upper-limit and hit the self-destruct button.
When I met him, I had already heard the story; not from him, but from a few of the other attendees who were concerned. They weren’t concerned about the event or themselves; they were worried about him.
All the check marks were there:
He loved his wife wholeheartedly. He loved his children more than anything. He was successful in business and made good money. He was looked up to as a leader and icon in his community. He was the life of the party.
Why would he then go against what he stands for? Why would he then self-sabotage? Why would he then self-destruct?
It’s called upper-limiting. We all do it. Perhaps not with coke and hookers (or “dancers” as he referred to them when we talked), but we do it in our own ways.
In business, when things are going well and we’re growing, we tend to drop the ball on little things. We don’t show up as frequently to the office or perhaps we just don’t make that call we know needs to be made to take it to the next level.
In our relationships, when things are going better than usual, we start a fight with our loved ones. We start pushing their buttons.
In our body, when we’re looking good, feeling great, we start to eat those holiday cookies like it’s our last meal. One becomes two, which becomes six. We keep doing this until we feel sick… and then have another.
We do this because on some level we don’t feel we deserve what we’ve gotten. We’ve hit our “upper limit” to what we believe we deserve and are capable of having. This is all mindset. This is all a story. A story that we’ve created with the help of others along our journey and a story that doesn’t serve us.
This cycle leads to feeling guilt, shame, and anxiety as we put our backs up against the wall, hit rock bottom, and then once again strive to climb back to the top… only to find ourselves in the same pattern sometime later.
That is unless we successfully raise our limits.
One of the key things that separate successful people from the rest is that their upper limit is set higher. They believe that they deserve more. They believe, and know, that they deserve what they have and more. And, they work on raising the bar often.
You’ve heard the stories of the self-made millionaire that lost it all only to lose it again…make it up…lose it again. Or the lotto winners who are worse off years later when they see how they’re doing.
All these are upper limiting issues.
I work on my upper limits daily. It’s like working out. You don’t go to the gym once and expect to be in great shape the rest of your life. No, you go regularly and make improvements. You’ll have setbacks most likely, but you keep going, work with your trainer, fine-tune what you’re doing, and keep moving forward.
Personally, I’ve worked with shamans in the Amazon, worked with some of the best coaches in the world, read 100’s of books, and have traveled all over attending and teaching seminars and retreats.
So out of all that, what’s the best way to keep raising your limit?
All of them.
But if I were to pick one, one thing that I still do today, it’s getting the absolute best coaching you can’t afford. Yup, that’s not a typo. “Can’t” afford. The reason you want to do this is that it will push you outside your comfort zone. You’ll have skin in the game, and you’ll pay attention.
With attention comes action and with the right action comes results.
A great coach, or coaching program, will help you fine-tune your direction and pull you out of your cycle much faster than you can do it alone. They will also help you raise your limit so you can expand in ways you didn’t know where possible and help eliminate that feeling of guilt, shame, and anxiety.
If you’re looking for a coach or a program, let me know, and I’m happy to serve as your guide and point you in the right direction.
Re-write your story and change your life!
Oh, by the way, that man I talked about in the first part of this story… it happened to him at the perfect time. The coaches worked with him he figured out why he was doing what he was doing. Changed not only his life, but the way he interacts with his wife, his kids, and his staff. He’s a different man. Truly amazing.