Now, we’ve had this conversation before in these daily growth hacks but it keeps coming up in conversations that I have with business owners. Just this morning, I was talking to a client of mine who owns a business and hit his target goals, hit his target goals for the end of his 30 days. Now, with each of my clients, I set a 90-day game, 90-day goals around their businesses and their personal lives. Now, this particular individual hit his goals early. Now, by all stretches of the imagination or anybody’s standards, he should be elated. These goals aren’t easy to hit. We don’t set something that just anybody could do. These are big goals that are going to move the needle.

For him particularly, his goals allowed him more freedom in his life, more financial freedom. He was helping more people. It also allowed him to pay his staff more and give his staff kind of the life of their dreams, something that had been hanging on him for years at this point, and he hit it. It was a high-five type moment but you could see the weight on him. I finally said, “Jeez, what’s going on? Give yourself a pat on the back.” He looked at me and said, “Doug, I just, I don’t know if I’m doing enough. Am I? Am I doing enough here?”

I was like, “Wow. These are the goals we set and you hit them.” “Yeah. Is it enough?” “How does it feel for you? If it feels good, then, yeah, it’s enough. When we set the goals, these were the numbers. This was your dream numbers to hit, and you did it. Awesome job.” When we talked to him, he said, “Doug, I know the people that you’re working with. I know the other coaching clients that you have and they’re all playing at this top, top level. I just don’t feel like I’m there.”

That’s when I realized sharing the story sometimes that I share about other clients that I have and the successes that they’re doing rather than sharing the whole picture of what they’re going through and where they started from was actually causing him to feel worse about himself. You see, what he didn’t realize, when he was comparing himself to these people, he didn’t realize, one is you shouldn’t compare yourself, but, two, he didn’t know their struggles. He didn’t know that one person was struggling deeply in their relationships, while another actually was struggling in their business, and another on their health. He didn’t see that their journeys … He didn’t know that a couple of these clients have been with me for several years and moving on, will continue because they keep hitting their goals and they keep expanding.

He’s a new coaching client of mine and he knows who some of these people are and so what he felt was comparing himself was the way to do it and it felt like, “Hey, I’m not enough because I’m not playing at the level that these other people are playing at.” The truth is, is he had leapfrogged many of them when they started off at that level and he had done so much that he should be out celebrating. He should be celebrating the gifts that he’s giving, not only to himself and his family but to other families of clients that he has, as well as his staff. It was a moment of celebration, which was almost a moment of sadness and tears because he felt he wasn’t enough. He felt he wasn’t doing enough.

Now, haven’t we all been there? Haven’t we all been there in the areas of our five to thrive? Maybe not felt we were smart enough. Maybe we felt like in our body that we weren’t good looking enough. I mean, I remember back growing up by the beach my whole life in Southern California, this is me tan. All my friends in my yearbooks would write, “Have a great summer. Get a tan.” It stuck with me. I’ll tell you I’ve tried everything you can imagine. Being a Southern California kid, you would think that I never saw the sun. The truth is I would get burnt so easily that I would actually blister. I would do that much because I was always outside playing. I was always outside doing sports and activities but I was also on this quest as I got older. Hormones were kicking in that I always want to get tan. I just wasn’t enough.

In the area of our relationships, how many of us think that “Wow, I’m just not enough and so I need to hold onto this relationship because if they leave me, that’s my identity”? Gosh, I see that so many times. Powerful men and powerful women, strong but yet crumble at the idea of not being enough in the area of relationships. Not living up to your parents’ standards, not living up to the standards that others have set for you because you feel like you’re just not enough, not loving yourself. In the area of our soul, I mean, how many times I can’t tell you that I don’t meditate enough. I don’t do this enough and comparing myself to my friends and my circle of influence who happen to be people playing at a very high level and always said, “Wow, you meditate for two hours a day. Wow, I’m not doing enough here,” and feeling bad about myself and catching myself in that.

We all do it. In business, gosh, that’s the area I play in a lot especially with coaching. When I talk to my coaching clients and I’m doing that initial consultation and maybe you can resonate with this, they’re constantly comparing themselves to friends of theirs that own businesses and Frank has a seven-figure business and I have a six-figure and somebody else has got an eight-figure business. I can tell you what, I get to look under the hood of these businesses and I can tell you they don’t all run the way that you think they do. Some run very smoothly, some don’t. Perception is very different.

Why do we compare ourselves? We compare ourselves because we’re looking for acceptance. We’re looking for the norm, so we can be accepted and therefore, we can give our self self-love. The reality is that we need to stop comparing ourselves. Not only this coaching client of mine, this business owner who should be celebrating the victories that he has, I’m so proud of him for all that he’s accomplished, but also me, maybe even you. Maybe I can try that on.

What I’m going to encourage you to do right now, wherever you are, if you’re driving, that’s great. Wait till you get home and stop but if you are at a place where you can grab a pen and paper, I want you to write out your five to thrive. In those five areas, I want you to write out where are you comparing yourself to somebody else? Where are you comparing yourself to others? Maybe you’re like me and I found myself in this position where I compare myself to my future self, where I should be, using should too much. I’m comparing my standards rather than enjoying and celebrating the moment, enjoying where I am and enjoying the journey that takes me on there.

This will allow you to have more freedom, more freedom to help other people, more freedom to love yourself, more freedom to enjoy the moment and celebrate your own victories. Stop comparing yourself. Grab your journal. Write out your five to thrive. Where in your five to thrive anywhere are you in the land of comparison? Now, what I want you to do is scrap that because you don’t know the other person’s story and you don’t know their journey just like they don’t know yours. If we get rid of that, what freedom does that give you? I want you to take action right now.

That’s it for me today. Go over to authorofyourownstory.com. Get in the Author of Your Own Story University. Have deeper level conversations like this where we can really deep dive into longer conversations and in-depth topics. We will get worksheets and MP3 player, meditations, as well as having other guest experts come in and share their stories so you can continue to grow. Go out and inspire someone by being yourself and not comparing yourself to others and living the author of your own story way. I’ll see you tomorrow.

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So recently, I’ve been getting a lot of direct messages on Instagram from young hustlers, and that’s how they’re self-describing themselves. And often times there’s a theme. In these particular string of messages, and there’s three to be exact, they’re asking me, “Doug, you know, how do I go about finding my passion. I want to make the world a better place, I want to go out and make changes, and I really want to go after it. What’s the first step? What do you recommend?”

It’s interesting when I get asked this question of, “How do I find my passion?” And I think what people are envisioning is kind of almost like a monk or somebody sitting in a cave meditating for weeks on end. And I’ve done Vipassana Meditation, which is a 10-day silent meditation retreat, although it seems like 12, but anyway … And I’ve done these different things, I’ve gone to the jungles in Columbia, and been with the native tribes and done Yahweh. I’ve done all kinds of stuff. And I can tell you as something who’s found their passion that it doesn’t come from the meditation, and that’s not why I did it, really. I did it because that was my spiritual quest of just peeling back the layers of my own life.

And so, what I’m going to tell you is what I told them, and this is really for them as well, but it’s also for that 50, 60-year-old that has reached out to me asking about how do they find their passion in this next stage of their life. And the truth about it is, it doesn’t involve meditation, although I recommend it, and it can certainly help. Really what finding your passion is about is just doing the things you like, doing the things you enjoy. And as you’re doing the things that you really love and enjoy, your passion kind of finds you. And how that works, I know it sounds weird, but as you’re doing the things that you really love to do, you’re doing those little things that you enjoy so much, you get filled up with energy, and it becomes infectious, right?

I love coaching, I love helping people, I love teaching. It’s just what I love to do. I also love to learn. So, I learn something, and then I take whatever that new knowledge is, and I scramble it up, and I repackage it in a way that people can understand it. It’s palpable. That’s what my goal is, it’s just something that I’ve always been good at. And so the more I do it, the more energy I get. Right?

So, I go into a coaching call, and maybe an hour, an hour and a half, it could get really emotional. Things could come up for the business owner that I’m working with via video, and by the end of that coaching call, I have more energy than even when I started. And the reason is, is that it’s something that I love to do. And so, that’s my passion, and I found to because, out of just constantly doing what I like to do, and I love to help people.

And so, for other people finding their passion, what do you like to do? Do you like to be around people? Do you really prefer to do things yourself? And start narrowing that down. And start putting yourself in a position where you’re doing more of the things that you love and enjoy, and are doing less of the things that you don’t. Now, I know it sounds simple, but I bet if you look at your calendar, and you say, “Hew, Doug, here’s my calendar from last week,” and we went down that calendar, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, et cetera., my guess is you’re spending a lot more time — if you’re like most people I work with, and the way I used to be — you’re spending a lot more time in the zone, or in the areas of doing things that you don’t like to do, things that don’t fill you up.

Now, I’m not saying, that you just go out and just do things that make you happy and ignore the rest of your responsibilities, I’m not saying that at all, so don’t use me as your excuse, but what I me saying is plan your weeks ahead, your days, your times, and allow yourself to fill that up. Now, if you’re a business owner, and we have a ton of business owner and entrepreneurs that watch or listen to these daily growth hacks, this means focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

For decades, it seems like, I was so focused on bettering those areas I wasn’t really good at. So I would take areas that I wasn’t strong in, I’m not a very detailed-oriented person, per se, so I would spend so much time going through David Allen’s book on organization, and I hired professional organizers. In fact, I had a girlfriend hire one for me to come into my office and help me clean up, and get things, my organized chaos. But that’s not me. Right?

Every time I would go through and start organizing files, and stuff like that, it would be like drudgery. But when I would get in my Zone of Genius. When I get in front of somebody and share my gifts, share my knowledge, and just try to help them, whether I was making money, or not making money, I was just on fire. I was filled up, and I absolutely loved it. And the more I focused on getting better at that, getting better at that skill set, so coaching.

So for me, it was learning neurolinguistics programming. How can I communicate to someone that allows it to land on them and make sense to them by using analogies, and things of that nature. I started focusing on my strengths and making them stronger. That’s when I had skyrocketed growth. And that’s also when I was able to go on that path that I call the Author of Your Own Story journey. Right? Because I started writing things my way. People would tell me, “Oh, well you really should be doing this, Doug. This, this, this, this, and this.” And what they were really saying is that was what they saw in them. Like the strengths in them are the things that I should be working on because maybe they weren’t strengths.

And we all have weaknesses and strengths. You can call them whatever you want. I know some people don’t like that language, but whatever. I do. And so, what you want to do is find your strengths. Find what fills you up. If you love kayaking, like kayaking is your thing, or being outdoors, get outdoors more often. That’s going to fill you up. It’s going to fill your cup. And we’ve talked a lot about filling your cup first in our daily growth hacks. Like at them, look at the past episodes, and go back there and do the work, and make sure you’re finding those zones that fill your cup.

Now, if you’re just out of college, maybe, and you’re a young hustler like these people are, find out what you’re great at. What are those things that you do naturally? Your friends like it, and you just naturally do it? Are you the person always giving advice? Are you the person that loves to organize? If you’re the person that loves to organize, and you’re the detail-oriented person, and you love checklists, I need you. Right? I need you because that’s not me. Focus on getting better at that. Focus on systems that work for people like myself.

If you’re the person that really loves big parties, you love events. You need to get off work, and you need to get out there, whether it be happy hour, whether it be a social event, whatever, that fills you up when you’re tired. You need to get out around a lot of people, do more of that. That is going to allow you to find your passion. Your passion is going to find you, right? It’s going to find you as you do the things that fill you up.

That’s the dirty little secret, right? You know, not many people talk about it, because it’s hard to sell a book on that subject. But I’ve seen it time, and time, and time again, guys. I get paid a good amount of money to help people find their passion, and really that’s exactly what I would tell them. Maybe a little bit more structured, but you want to really just spend more time in your Zone of Genius. And finding your Zone of Genius really starts with doing the things that you like to do. Doing those things that fill you up. And when you do those things that fill you up, you’re going to be great at them, people are going to recognize it, and they’re going to recognize that it’s probably something that they need help in.

So, again, that organized person, if you’re that organized person, and that’s what you really enjoy doing, if you’re doing more of that, I’m going to find you, or you’re going to find me, and I might need what you do, and that’s how you start building that passion, and finding out what your purpose is, and then allowing your purpose to fill your bank account, and your soul, at the same time. And there’s nothing wrong with doing what you love and getting paid for it. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, as long as you’re doing it with integrity, and leading from your heart, and really helping people out.

That’s it for me today. As always, go out, find your passion, do what you love, fill your cup, and be the Author of Your Own Story. Please go over to AuthorofYourOwnStory.com, if you haven’t already, and get on our mailing list. This mailing list allows us to let us know the things that are going on within our company, within Author of Your Own Story and allows us to better serve you. Plus, when we see the numbers, and we see who’s joining, we’re able to tailor the message, and hopefully get out there for more.

And of course, like these young hustlers did, find me online. I’d love to hear from you. It really warms my heart to be able to help people. I mean, that’s what I’m great at, and that’s what I do, and that’s why I do these daily growth hacks. It’s a commitment I made almost a year ago, at this point, and we’re here in the 200s, well into the 200 episodes. And so I said I was going to do 365 of them, and I want to do that to help you. I hope you’re enjoying them. So, let me know how that is for you. That’s it for me today. Go out, be the Author of Your Own Story.

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Several months ago, in fact actually a year ago, I set out to keep a gratitude journal with the idea that after 90 consecutive days of writing down what I was grateful for in my wife, I would hand it to her. Now, the idea behind this journal is each and every morning I would wake up, grab my journal as well as this other journal, and I would write into the separate journal what I was grateful for. Not just the fact that I told my wife … I tell my wife every single day, but I would write it down. After 90 days, she’d have 90 pages, almost like a book that I could hand to her as a present, as a surprise.

Now I’ve started this process three separate times. Meaning I have never finished it. I’ve started it, gotten to certain points and for one reason or another or whatever excuse, I just haven’t finished the actual 90-day journal. Each time I start from scratch because I just don’t think it’s fair.

Just to be fully transparent before everybody thinks I’m a total jerk, I have the greatest wife ever. I tell her I’m grateful for the things that she does not only for me but for our family and just the reasons I love her on a daily basis. That I do consistently. But for this gratitude journal, I just haven’t finished. Some might think this is a reflection on the way that I care for my wife. They might say, “Doug, if you really loved her, if you really cared and really were grateful, you would make the time to do this. If you really cared, you would set aside the time and put anything else.” That’s completely not true. It’s not.

It’s not a reflection on my love or a reflection on my gratitude for the reason that I have not finished. It’s a purely a reflection on me. Me as a man and me as a person and an individual, and me as somebody who is questing to be the author of my own story. What this reflection is, is a reflection of my lack of consistency. Now, this is a pattern I’ve had throughout my life. In fact, I remember my father telling me this, gosh, when I was about 10 years old and this story coming out. I was taking martial arts, I was taking Tetsudo at the time. He didn’t want to sign me up for classes because he said I never finish anything I start. So that story has stuck with me, and I’m not saying that he planted that in me by any means. Because obviously, he saw me not finishing other aspects of things that I was doing. Sure, I finished a lot of things, especially sports and different educational quests. But there was a consistent pattern here, and that can easily from someone from outside, from the outside looking in, can say, “You didn’t stick to your workouts, you didn’t get a black belt in Brazilian Ju Jitsu when you started. Or Tetsudo.” Or whatever it is. That’s a reflection of your lack of desire. Or whatever it may be.

The truth is, it’s a reflection of me inside. I’m going to invite you all to try this on for a moment. Isn’t everything we do truly a reflection of us? It doesn’t say that we don’t love somebody because we don’t call them. It doesn’t say that we don’t care about our employees because we don’t tell them. It doesn’t say that within other areas of relationships that we’re not invested, or it doesn’t say that we don’t have a filled soul because we don’t practice a certain religion, or practice meditation or whatever that may be.

Truly what it is reflecting is a reflection on us, and what’s going on inside of us or maybe our shortcomings in some ways or things that we’re working on might be a better way of saying that.

What I’m going to invite you to do is look at your Five to Thrive. Where are you seeing a reflection of yourself coming in? What you’re putting out is really a reflection inside of yourself in some way, shape, or form. Take what I’m talking about, this gratitude journal. My wife listens to these, so I’m sorry babe, I love you. But the reflection of it is just I haven’t finished it. I can see that being in somebody else’s eyes, I can see somebody looking at me and just going, man if they don’t know my wife and I and our relationship and how great it is, they might say, “Geez, obviously he doesn’t care,” or doesn’t care enough, or whatever it is.

But it’s not a reflection on the way I feel about her, or a reflection on my gratitude for her because it’s immense. It’s a reflection of my pattern of inconsistency. Inconsistency and follow through, all the way through. When I started doing this with my Five to Thrive, I saw several areas in my business, in relationships, soul, in every category where I would push it to 90%, 80, maybe even 98% completion, and I would leave it aside. I wouldn’t finish it.

Then, so the next question … And I invite you to do this too, this is a journey I’m on and I’m inviting you to go on this journey with me, is ask yourself why? Why are you not pushing through? Why are you not finishing that last percentile? That’s the real lesson here; is figuring out that why. The why is different, well it was for me, in a lot of the situations. But what I narrowed it down to was the consistency. Not going too much into my story and the story that I created, but you want to find your own. We do a deeper dive into the Author of Your Own Story university, where we go really into this. Because once you figure out your why, why you’re doing the patterns you’re doing, the reflections, you can change that story. But until you figure out the why, you really have to come up with discipline, and kind of beat down and find other ways and tricks and mechanisms to get over that hump.

All of us have these, by the way. There’s not one person I’ve ever met, coached … I don’t care if it is a multi-millionaire business owner, or it’s somebody that I have a conversation with that I’ve just met. You can see it in them, I just do it so often. I would be almost stupid not to see the patterns, it’s just you can read it really quickly. So we all have them, and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with it, and no need to be judgemental about it. The key is having a deep dive with that.

So if you have a coach, make sure you and your coach are doing this. This should be step one for any great coach, should be doing this for you. If you don’t have a coach and you’re looking for one, reach out to me and I’m happy to try to refer you out to whoever I think is the best fit for you. I know a lot of coaches and mentors in this world, and along my journey as well. Of course, if you want a group environment, come and join us in the Author of Your Own Story University, where we can guide you through these exercises in a very safe, non-intimidating group environment. Of course, you can do the work on your own. In fact, a lot of the homework you’re doing on your own. This is why it’s personal development, right? Nobody can change you, it’s always personal, you have to change yourself.

So, Author of Your Own Story University is a great avenue. Either way, have a coach, if you don’t have one and you want a mentor or coach, reach out to me. I’ll see if I can find you a good fit. In fact, I know I can find you a good fit. If you’re looking for more of a group environment with structured learning, where you can learn with other people and segmented, where we mail you out an MP3 player each month, all the documents you need, journaling exercises, and have webinars where we talk on a deep level about these types of subjects, go to the Author of Your Own Story University. Reach out to anybody on our team, we’re happy to help you. This is a gift from our heart to give back. That’s why we put a lot into the university itself.

That’s it for me today. As always, go to authorofyourownstory.com where you can get more tips, tricks, and techniques. Go out and inspire someone simply by being you and being the author of your own story. Break away from the herd, pull yourself from the matrix. Get out there and inspire others simply by going after your dreams. I’ll see you tomorrow.

If you like these daily growth hacks, it would mean the world to us if you would take a moment to subscribe and review us on iTunes!