Darcy Curry, Author at Author of Your Own Story

The Importance Of Picking A Lane

I know in the past in my business career and also my personal career, or my personal life I should say, I often drifted from one subject to another or from one area of interest to another. In business, this is probably the most profound because you saw the results of this drift in a negative way, the quickest. You would start down one lane, having an idea. Maybe it’s an idea for a business or a project or a certain demographic you want to go after in marketing, whatever it may be, and as you start on that path, you quickly lose interest and start going through something else.

In previous Daily Growth Hacks, I called this “shiny new object syndrome”, and I’m not the one that coined it, but it actually is true. How often as entrepreneurs and business owners, especially, do we have this “shiny new object syndrome” where we’re using new tools, new techniques, before we even mastered the old ones? We haven’t even delved into the depths of mastery quite yet, but, yet, we switch so quickly to something different.

Just recently, this came up in a conversation I had with one of my clients. This morning, we were talking about his business. He just got back from vacation. Although he should have been feeling refreshed, he actually wasn’t, the flu going around and all, but when we started talking, he said, “Doug, I figured it out. We’re going in a different direction. I got my messaging,” which, typically, I would be all for. I’d say, “Let’s dive in. Let’s look at that and see where I can assist you in making sure that you’re having the clearest conscious decisions for yourself.” That’s what I do as a coach, but, in this case, I actually said, “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. In the last six months, you’ve changed directions at least 30 times. We need to pick a lane. Pick a lane and drive down that lane to see where it ends. You don’t have to go all the way.”

Oftentimes, when we’re going on these adventures, especially in business, but this is also can be in relationships, as well, we notice subtle changes. There are red flags that come up, and that’s when you should pivot, but if you’re pivoting often, as most business owners that I talk to do, you need to start checking yourself. Are you pivoting because you are losing interest, or are you pivoting because it’s the right decision for your business, or maybe you’re pivoting for another reason, something totally different? Maybe you have a limiting belief or old story you’re telling yourself. I know for myself, it used to be a limiting belief that had to do with success. I thought I should be so successful, but, yet, I had some kind of imbalance in my thinking because I thought if I was successful and when I get rich, I’m going to lose all my friends, people are going to judge me, because I saw all the conversations that were going around me at a young age.

You can see that these are two conflicting stories that just cause anxiety, stress, and a lack of getting where you want to go. In most cases, when you think about this, especially for business owners, entrepreneurs, or any of you listening to this that are like me at one point, that you’re just going for your goals, but if you’re quickly changing directions, you’re never going to get there. You got to pick a lane. Pick a lane. Test it out. Have yourself set up for success so you know exactly what needs to be done.

What I invite you to do today is grab your journal, grab your Five to Thrive, write it down just like I write it in my journal. Where in your Five to Thrive are you bouncing all over the place where you really just need to pick a lane?

In the area of your mind, are you one of these people that I used to be where I have 20 books going at once, but I never finished one, or maybe you’re like me or like a lot of my clients used to be where you’re on a fitness journey. Maybe it’s losing weight, gaining strength, getting more flexibility or all of the above, but you tried Pilates for 10 days, then you go to yoga, then you go to power workouts and strength, and you’re all over the place, never really getting to your goal. Maybe it’s in dieting. How often do many of us just try diets just for a little bit and go, “Ugh, intermittent fasting wasn’t for me. Ketogenic wasn’t for me. South Beach wasn’t for me,” whatever it is?

Then how many in our soul try meditation, just, “I tried it for a couple days. It just didn’t work, Doug.” I hear that all the time. That’s not the way it’s designed.

Then in our relationships, how often do we actually try to rekindle a lost love or rekindle a friendship only to when we get rebuffed just one time, one time, do we walk away and throw it away and not really try full-heartedly and then go off and start having a different friendship or a different relationship? In dating, it’s a very common thing. You go from one relationship to another.

Then in business, how often do we not actually go after the marketplace? As a business owner, if you’re listening to this, you should be known as an expert in your industry, and if you’re not, reach out to me, and I’ll tell you exactly how to do it, but you should be known as an expert. You deserve all of that and more, and I want that for all of you.

That’s it for me today. Remember, share this with at least three people so they can get something out of this and you can have conversations that matter. Also, I encourage you to go over AuthorofYourOwnStory.com right now and sign up for our newsletter if you haven’t already, if you’re just seeing this, and if you’re new to the Daily Growth Hacks, which many of you that have reached out are, we have a backlog of over 250 Daily Growth Hacks that you can go back and do. For our regular listeners, remember, as I always say, “Do the work to make sure you’re getting the benefit.” It’s one thing to listen to these and be a digestor of content. It’s a whole nother level to actually do the work and have impact in the world.

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Think Like A Kid

As the story goes, a high school teacher walked up to the chalkboard and put a dot right in the middle, then turned to her class and said, “What is this?” Well, one kid stood up right away and said, “Obviously, it’s just a chalk mark on a blackboard.” And there were no other responses. The teacher looked at the classroom, and she said, “I’m really surprised at you guys. I’m surprised because I did this exact same exercise, or this question, in front of a group of kindergartners, and they came up with 50 answers.” It’s a squashed bug, it’s a star in the night sky, the answers went over, and over, and over again as their imaginations flew. You know, Picasso said that all children are born artist, and it’s up to us to actually hold on to that imagination as we get older, right?

So how are you, or how am I, not acting like a kid. We get too grown up, right? We have these blueprints we’ve created through time, rules, as I would say. Rules in the way to navigate. And, in fact, when I coach clients we laser focus on what these rules are. We’ve all build them, we just haven’t thought of them as rules, they’re just kind of the way things are in the world, right? You throw and apple up, it’s gonna come right back down. We’ve lost that childlike imagination often, and that doesn’t allow us to see new possibilities.

So if you’re working on something, a project, or something in your own story, how can you be more childlike? How can actually have that look and that outlook, as if you were a kid? Well, one way you can do that is look at the problem in front of you, right? Look at the situation that you’re going through and act as if you were the five year old version of yourself. What would you say if you were looking at this? How would you identify it? You know, having that childlike imagination allows us to navigate the sometimes murky waters that it seems like we have when we’re adults. And so, when you’re looking at your Five to Thrive, right? So your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business. Where in there are you dealing with a situation that for some reason you feel just a little bit stuck, right? You just can’t move forward with this one particular problem.

Now, I know for me, this problem occurred recently, in the area of my business. I was trying to figure out, I was beating my head against the wall, trying to out how we could develop a formula that would actually allow our clients to get the most out of coaching, and marketing their business, at the same time, at a price that we could produce for everybody. And I just couldn’t figure it out. It didn’t make sense because of all the time and energy our team puts into building projects, all the money invested, it just didn’t make sense that we could actually bring something out. Then I stepped back for a second, and I said, “Hey, what would it be like if I was a kid? What kind of answers would I come up with?” And then after about five minutes of playing with the problem, I came up with the solution. And it was not a big deal, it was just an obvious solution. But I formed rules around how this situation should unfold. Rules around how I should be in dealing with business, and this particular problem in this industry that I was working on.

And so, I invite you to try on for a moment. Where are you in your Five to Thrive, running on old dogmas, which we’ve talked about before. We’re running on old rules that aren’t allowing you to see other possible solutions to a problem that’s in front of you. Now, you might be thinking, Doug, you know, I’ve listened to the Daily Growth Hacks for awhile, so I know there’s no such thing as a problem, there’s the only opportunity. And I’m with you, I’m with you on that, and it is all opportunity. But being more kid-like, more childlike, allows you to see more opportunities that are out there in the world. I recently had a call with a potential coaching client, now we don’t take everybody on as clients, it has to be a good fit for both myself and for the client. But obviously, if they’re reaching out to me, I had to make sure it’s a good fit for me because it’s a significant investment in time, in capital, in energy for the client, and also for me. Also for me as a coach, and also for my team of coaches.

So when I was talking to them about this, they had one particular problem that they were dealing with in their lives. And what they were doing is they had such a narrow focus on the problem at hand, it happened to be in their business, in this situation. And after talking to them for a while, I had realized that they have created a complex maze of rules, to navigate to get to the solution for their problem. After I showed them this complex rules or the complex maze, I should say. You saw them just light up and they almost looked 10 years younger, with just this few minutes of coaching, and this is just an introduction call.

Now, you can imagine why they were applying these rules to all areas of their life’s. And that’s when the light bulb went off in their head. And that’s where I told them, I told them what I’m gonna tell you right now, look at all your Five to Thrive and we can expand upon that, right? But I like the Five to Thrive. And ask yourself, “Where am I dealing with a problem that I’m just stuck in it because I’m looking at it with one set of rules?” Looking on it like an adult with blinders on, with I’m not looking at the total possibilities.

So I invite you, I invite you to be childlike with your Five to Thrive today. Do the work, but be childlike, think of it as home-play rather than homework, working on this situation. And I’d love to hear how it comes out. I’d love to hear from you. So many of you reach out to me and it touches my heart, my team. I just to hear, and I love to talk to you. So find me on social media, go ahead and reach out to Author of Your Own Story, and of course share this with at least three people that you know. I know several of you do this, right? And you write back to me and tell me, oh my gosh, I can’t believe, Doug, that just simply sharing this, how it’s opened up relationships and conversations in my life. If you’re having a problem meeting people, like-minded people, right? I hear this all the time. It’s because you’re not sharing these types of information, these types of shows out there. I’m not the only one that produces content but share it. Share stuff that you like with other people and open up conversations. It’s gonna allow you to surround yourself with better people for you, I should say, people that are also on a journey like you, and I want that for you. Build your tribe.

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The Importance Of Clear Communication

When we talk about clear communication, what we’re talking about is looking at a communication style that nobody can argue with. In other words, it’s so crystal clear that the facts of the communication are indisputable. So in other words, what you’re trying to say lands on the person you’re trying to communicate with, with such clarity that there’s no misinterpretations or confusion. Now, where I’m seeing this, is when I talk to my clients. In fact, I was just editing a clients job description that he was turning in for one of his employees, and he asked me to review it. Now, when I looked at this job description, the sets of expectations that were there were very unclear. One of them was, “Maintain website and all aspects that have to do with that.” Well, what does that mean? This wasn’t a normal part of this job or this part of the job description, so I was unclear exactly what he wanted his staff to do.

And one of the things he talked about in this was, “Hey look, if you don’t meet these expectations, then you’re going to miss out on bonuses, and possibly lose your job.” Well that’s a very important thing, right? So as an employee, I would want to know exactly what my expectations are, what are my KPI’s, my Key Performance Indicators, so I know I’m hitting my marks each and every time. Set it up for me as the employee to be successful.

So I started thinking as I was reading this, “How often do I communicate to my team, my staff, in a way that allows them to win? Versus ways that allow them to really feel unsure, and on shaky territory?” So I asked them. I sent out a memo to everybody. It wasn’t really a memo, it was an email. A message just asking very bluntly, saying, “Hey look, I’m working on my communication skills. I want to make sure that when I’m communicating with you, things are crystal clear. Here’s what I would like from you. I would like you to let me know if something is unclear, and anytime that I give you work and you don’t understand how exactly you can win in this particular project, task, or outcome, let me know. That way I can improve myself as a leader.”

Now, I also started wondering, “Geeze, where else am I doing this in my life?” Right? Where you do one thing, you do all things. And as a business owner, you take these home. It’s just naturally the way it is. Am I communicating clearly with my family, with my wife, with my friends, with my neighbors, with my trainer at the gym I’m going to? Am I clearly communicating, or am I leaving just so much room for interpretation that I’m missing the mark? And now, the reason we do this as business owners, or as people going on the Author of Our Own Story lifestyle, is we’re trying to get an outcome, an outcome to get there.

So for my business, I might need somebody to embark on a complete marketing program, right? And home life, I might want to set expectations for how much I’m going to work, or how much I’m not going to work. Or, a trip that I want to go on with my family. Or, with my friends. Am I communicating how much I care about them, or that I want to see them, or the things that I want to do? Where is that communication? My trainer, am I telling them, “Hey look, these are my goals with my fitness. I want to make sure you help me get there, as my mentor.”

So, where am I doing this? And I noticed in all of these areas, I leave a lot of ambiguity in there. Now sometimes, I do this on purpose, right? So sometimes for me personally, I am actually telling people, “Hey, this is the outcome I want, just go get it.” Right? “Just go get there.” Now, if they come back and they get the outcome but they do it a different way, that’s fine. But they clearly understand the outcome that I was looking for. And, you know, I’m guilty of just firing off an email, or sending a link in a chat, or making a quick phone call, or a hip chat, or something along those lines, and just sending an article with the expectation that they’ll take the ball and run with it. But I didn’t clearly communicate it. So if it doesn’t get done, guess whose fault that is? That’s my fault, right? That’s my fault for not clearly communicating my expectations.

So back to this business owner, this client that I’m coaching. It’s the same thing. As we do one thing, we do all. So where is he not communicating correctly? And we looked back at the first few sessions I had with him, this was one of the first things I identified within his business that he needed to work on. And it expanded into his family life as well, communication. So what I’m going to encourage you to do right now, is grab your journal, and look at the way that you’re communicating with others around you. So I want you to start off with your business. It’s an easy one, it kind of removes some of the emotional aspects. And, are you giving clear, communication, or have you given clear communication in the last 48 hours, right? So, every email you’ve sent, every message you’ve sent to your team. If you’re not a business owner, maybe it’s to your boss or co-workers. If you’re a student, are you sending messages to other students, you know? Maybe working on a project together.

But, are those expectations and what you want clear and concise? In other words, can I read that email, can I read that text message, or listen to that phone call and know exactly what you wanted? Without a shadow of a doubt? Now, remember, when you’re looking at this, take off your roadmap of the world. Take out your blinders, and that way you can see this. And don’t put your own, think, “Oh, they should have known.” Well, you have to be clear in that communication. When you’re done with journaling about your business, see if there’s anything eye-opening. Maybe you’re like me and you notice, “Oh wow, this is more eye-opening than I thought.” Now what I want you to do is look at your family, do the same thing. Am I clearly communicating?

Now, communication, I’ve been very open about this. This is something I’ve worked on very hard. I was kind of your typical, stereotypical guy where I would communicate in grunts, or a few sentences here and there, and not really going into the detail. So, that’s what I’ve been working on. I’ve worked on it with my wife especially. So, I need to work on that a little bit more, and maybe you do too. So, a tip for the day, or call to action, is to go ahead, grab your journal. List your business and your family, and wherein the last 48 hours have you not communicated clearly and effectively. If you are like me and like most people I coach, identify those few aspects, and now clear up that communication. Set boundaries, and set barriers.

And I encourage you to ask your team, your staff, your family to keep you accountable, so you can become better as a leader, as a family member, and as somebody going onto the path to the Author of Your Own Story. That’s it for me today, I will see you tomorrow. As always, share this with three people that you know will get something out of this, and I look forward to talking to you. Take care.

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Revisit: The 90-90-1 Rule

Now, this is a tip I got from Robin Sharma, now as leaders in our communities and leaders in business, we get hit by a barrage of information every day. You know right here, right now, I’m talking to you, I have three screens going. There’s information coming at us at all angles. We have chats going on, we have social media, we have messages from our friends and our family. And oftentimes, what happens if we lose focus.

Robin Sharma’s invented the 90-90-1 rule, and it’s really simple and it’s something that I apply to my daily life and hopefully, it’ll help you as well. Now, what is the 90-90-1 rule? Well, it’s picking that one thing. The one thing that will move the needle the most for you or your business, in your life. So that could be the one project that you’re working on, the one event, the one sales launch. Whatever it is for you. That one thing that moves the needle for you and your business to get to your author of your own story lifestyle.

Then what you’re going to do is you’re going to carve out 90 minutes. Now that’s 90 minutes first thing in the morning. Now I know some of you go to the gym first thing in the morning, but when you get back what are you doing? Or before you go to the gym, get up a little earlier. What is it you’re focused on during that 90 minutes? For most of us, that 90 minutes is that grace period, that first time in the day where we have the most energy and the most focus. So what you do is you set aside that 90 minutes for 90 days. So that’s 90 consecutive days that you have a 90-minute focused period to focus on that one project. That one thing that moves the needle significantly for you, in either your business or your personal life.

It’s a really simple project, and it really works. So here’s what I want you to do. Grab your journal. What’s the one thing that’s going to move you? One thing that’s going to move you from where you are today to where you want to be. That one project. That one task, that one goal. Now what I want you to do is calendar out. Go to your calendar right now, calendar out a 90-minute chunk. And let everybody know not to disturb you during this 90 minute period. What I do is I turn off all notifications, so I even turn off my cell phone, I turn off all chat functionality, and I just cut down all of my extra screens so I can focus on that one project. And then I set the timer, so I have 90 minutes.

Now it’s also a trick that whatever time you give yourself, whatever project or task is going to fill that time. Now if you give yourself three hours to work, let’s say it’s an email series, that’s something I’m working on for a client, it’s going to take that three hours. Now if you say, “I gotta get this done in 90 minutes”, somehow, someway we always do. So that’s what you want to do. Now you’re going to use your Sunday, or your Monday, as your planning time to plan out the week ahead for what you’re going to do during that 90-minute segment for that project that you’re working on. This 90-90-1 is going to give you that laser-like focus that allows you to take it to the next level.

What I want you to do also, is share this. Share this with three people you think will find value from this. Share it with three people that you want to continue having bigger conversations with. Conversations about what is their one project. What are they going to spend their 90 minutes focused on? This is how you build your tribe, and this is how you get conversations that matter going on with your life.

That’s it for me today, remember, go out and be the author of your own story.

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Take Advantage Of The Resources Around You

Today, I just walked back into the house because I just got back from a trip to Smith Rock, just outside of Bend, Oregon. Now, this is world famous for rock climbers, but the majestic beauty of this location is unparalleled. It’s one of the most beautiful places that I’ve been to, and I’ve traveled all over the world. And so the reason I bring this up to you is I was amazed at how few people that were there, and of the people that were there, there were a lot of people from around the world, but there weren’t a lot of Oregonians or local people or even people from the western United States.

And this always amazes me. In fact, my wife and I are lucky enough that we travel a lot, and we travel all over the United States in particular, and we don’t run into as many people that are business owners or people that are from the United States. It’s a lot of families traveling from Europe or from Asia, and I’m always amazed to see those different cultural mixes and that they’re taking advantage of the resources that we have here in the United States.

Now, the same thing happens when I go overseas. When I’m traveling, whether it be South America, Europe, or Asia, what I often see are families taking advantage of those resources. Yet, here in the United States, I don’t see it quite as much. Now, granted, it was a Friday, and luckily, my Author of Your Own Story lifestyle is happening, so I’m able to pull up and go wherever I want to when I want to. And that’s what I want for you if that’s something you’re interested in.

But again, what amazed me is when we came back into town, the kind of common places … the breweries or the places like the Wal-Marts and the K-Marts were packed. They had cars out in the parking lot, and so I knew that people had time to do things, but yet they weren’t taking advantage of the resources around them in terms of the sheer beauty. Now, this I can relate to.

A lot of my clients, when I first started coaching … oftentimes, what they would do is get home from their typical 9:00 to 5:00, or if they’re business owners, it would really be like a 6:00 to 6:00 type work environment. And then, they’d sit on the couch and they’d watch TV. They’d watch their two, three, four favorite TV shows rather than going out and taking advantage of all this world has to offer.

And I think back about myself and that, when I was really kind of in the hustle phase … and I’d be so tired after work, and I wouldn’t be as able, or at least as willing, to open my eyes to what was around me. And that’s when I made a shift, and that’s what I want to open you up to, is the possibility that oftentimes, we get so stuck in this narrow-mindedness that we don’t take advantage of the resources around us … the parks, the things that our community can actually give, the nightlife that you might have around you or just a walk around your neighborhood rather than just sitting on your couch or in front of your computer screen on social media.

So what I want you to do or I invite you to do is grab your journal, write out your five to thrive, and look in those five key areas, right? We use the five to thrive because it’s a holistic representation of a business owner’s life, right? You have your mind. You have your body. You have your soul. You have your relationships, and you have your business. And almost everything can fit in one of those containers. Now, when you look in those containers, where are you being lazy, and be honest with yourself, and not taking advantage of the resources around you?

Now, I know for myself, when I wanted to learn a foreign language, I just looked down, and I actually know many, many native Spanish speakers. So that’s a resource I could take advantage of. In the area of my body, my wife is actually a well-known strength coach. That’s a resource. I have tons of friends out there in the fitness community. And it comes in other areas. Maybe it’s business for you. Maybe you’re not taking advantage of the resourcefulness and resources that are around you in your area.

So I invite you to consider that. Write that down. Now, as you look at these, what I want you to do is look at each of these categories that you have here and look at them and say, “Hey, where am I not taking advantage of resources that I want to take advantage of?” Now, it’s okay to be selfish in this way and go out and enjoy life. That’s what this is all about. I want you to be the author of your own story so you’re dictating the path that you choose to take and not just blindly sedating yourself by sitting down, watching TV, having a cocktail or two or three or a glass of wine or whatever it is for you and then regretting, looking back a year or 2, 10 years later as many people do, and realizing that you haven’t done the things that you wanted to in life.

That’s it for me today. Find me on social media if you’re not sedating, and I love to talk to you. Go over to authorofyourownstory.com and go ahead and click on the subscribe on the newsletter. I’d love to have you on our newsletter so you get more tips, tricks, and updates delivered right to your inbox each and every day. All right. I’m going to go enjoy dinner with my family. I will see you tomorrow. Take care.

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Be Your Own Hero

In Joseph Campbell’s famous book The Power of Myth, he talks about the hero’s journey. So the hero’s journey is a formulaic model that every movie follows. We also use this model in marketing. In marketing a brand or business or even a person. Now, what typically happens is the hero is going about his or her daily life. And then tragedy or something happens. Then they meet a guide, a mentor, a coach of sorts. Now you can think of Yoda, Gandalf, some of the famous mentors that have been around throughout the movies. But then they find somebody, and then that mentor coach gives them enough guidance to help them climb back up the mountain towards success in their own life. And then next thing you know, the hero becomes the actual hero in the show or in the storyline that we’re listening to.

The point of this is who is the hero in your own life? Are you being the hero or are you sitting on the sidelines? Are you being a spectator? Are you just another character in the cast of your own life, in your own story? You see, in the hero’s journey, there’s tragedy. There’s something that happens to the person as they’re going on this quest of life, going on their journey. And we see this in movies. You can see it in the Hunger Games, you can see it in Lord of the Rings, you can see it in Rocky. All movies follow this formulaic path.

Now your life also follows this path. Don’t we all hit hard times and trials and tribulations that come into our life? Yet, how often do we just sit on the sidelines, rather than becoming the hero? I’d rather become the hero in our own legend, in our own story. So that’s what I want for you today. What I want you to do is step into your hero or heroine role, right here, right now. Make a conscious choice to be the hero in your own story. Now, you may be looking for a coach, a mentor, or a guide along this journey. And if you are, reach out to me, and I’m happy to help you. If I’m not the right fit for you, of course, we have a whole network of coaches and mentors that we refer out to people. And I’d be happy to help you find that person that is the right fit for you.

Also, during this journey, write your story, mentally, but actually write it down. Write your story as if you were the hero. So if you were making a movie about your life. How could you be the hero, the heroine in that story? Where would you go? What would you do in the areas of your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, your business? What would the hero step up and do differently than just the cast or a character that’s kind of playing in the background?

Once you figure this out, once you’ve written this down in your Five to Thrive, then what I want you to do is take massive action now. Take action. Today is the day. Stop sitting on the sidelines of your own life, and step into the game and be a VIP. Be the hero in your own story.

That’s it for me today. I look forward to hearing from you. Go over to authorofyourownstory.com. Get on our newsletter, and also make sure you’re joining the Author of Your Own Story group on Facebook, where we’ll be having conversations like this as well. I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a great day.

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The Power Of Indecision

I just got off the phone with another coaching client of mine, now this is a new coaching client I just started working with. And with each of my clients, I take them through what I call a 90-day game, where we gamify their life and their goals over the course of a 90 day period. Now for this particular individual, I was checking back on his game and how he was performing in the game. I noticed he had changed some of his goals, some of his goals became instead of being one direct key characteristic or thing that he wanted to achieve, it became I’m going to do this or I’m going to do that. I’m not really sure, I’m going to do this, or I’m going to do this over here.

And so I noticed that this was becoming a pattern, this was the second conversation that we had had in our coaching relationship. And so I asked him very simply because I’ve seen this with other people I’ve worked with. I see this even more in high performing individuals who really want to take their lives to the next level, but seem just to be spinning their wheels for some reason. They seem to be working hard, but not getting where they want to go. I know this has been familiar to myself, and that’s why I can see the pattern. I asked him I said “Geez, has this pattern of indecision come up in your life? And the reason I’m asking you this is because I’ve seen it with other clients of mine, and I’ve seen it within myself.” Where you feel like you’re caught between two great options here, and you’re debating back and forth.

Do I do point A, yeah point A’s great, or maybe I do B, B is pretty awesome too. And then by the time you look up you haven’t done either of them. Does that sound familiar, have you ever been caught in that situation? I certainly have, where you’re caught between two fantastic ideas, this can be business ideas, relationships, going on a trip, these can be products and services that you want to bring to the marketplace. And you’re caught between do I watch Facebook ads, or do I do a Facebook group, I’m not sure, and you back and forth. Or do I do email marketing for this program I just got, or do I use this other program that somebody’s pitching me on how to do a funnel?

But when you look down, that indecision paralyzes you, right? It paralyzes us as people, we’re caught between two seemingly good possibilities and the next thing we know nothing gets done. So what I asked him, I said “Look here’s the deal, is this a pattern that’s coming back in your life? Because what I’m seeing right now is a week has gone by since our previous conversation about your goals, and you’ve changed to a this or this over here.” Now his goals weren’t life-threatening by any means, one was playing a musical instrument or learn a foreign language, as one of his 90-day goals as an example. Now when I talked to him about it, first he said “Yeah, I’m still thinking about it. I’ll probably know by next time we call Doug.”

Well, that had been three weeks, or 21 days, into his 90-day game. And I already foresaw the problem, we would be at the end of 90 days and he would have got nothing done except for maybe deciding which one he was going to for, the foreign language or the musical instrument. What I told him, I said: “Look what if you picked one right here, right now and you gave yourself 90 days to try?” You can always go back to the other one in the next 90 days, but the difference is at the end of that 90 days, you would have some slight level of mastery on one of the two. The musical instrument you’ve played before, you’d be getting even better with that with lessons. Or the foreign language, we’d already talked about you getting a coach and you already have Rosetta Stone and all these other things.

Now you’d actually be able to have a basic conversation in that language. Two of these goals you’ve had for years, let’s dust them off and get one of them at least on the way to being accomplished within 90 days. At the end of the 90 days, you can pivot and you can say “I don’t really care about this foreign language or I don’t care about playing a musical instrument.” But at least you know, you’re not caught in indecision. Then I asked him the question I’m going to ask you, where in your five to thrive, your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business, are you caught in the power of indecision?

See it’s not really powerful, what I’ve found with coaching people over time is that when you release indecision, in other words, you make a choice and you go in a direction. You actually go at it full speed ahead, it frees up so much energy in your life. I know it has for me and I know it has for my clients, you don’t realize that this indecision, stay in a relationship, get a new relationship, go on your own. Whatever that indecision is for you, you don’t know how much that’s holding you back, it’s draining you. You need to let that energy flow through you, make a decision and go for it. You can always pivot, you can always change your mind.

But being indecisive is not making any decision at all, and that’s what holds us back from being the authors of our own story. That’s it for me today, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Please share this with at least three other people you think would benefit from this message, and do the work. Grab your journal, look at your five to thrive, and write out where you’re living in the terms of indecision. Where’s indecision showing up in your world, where is it showing up in your life? And then make a decision, make a clear plan of action and move forward. I’ll see you in the Author of Your Own Story group on Facebook and I look forward to talking to you. Take care.

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Behind Anger Is Aways Hurt

Now right on the board right behind me in my office is the words behind anger is always hurt. Now the reason I wrote this up is that I was talking to one of my clients about this. They were talking about how a couple of their staff members seemed to always be angry. They seemed to always be really upset. And then when they’re in the boardroom having conversations, they seem to get more and more agitated. Now they also happened to say that this happens to them at home with their spouse.

Now what I talked to them about is hey look, behind anger is always hurt. Right? You don’t get angry unless something is hurting you. Unless you’re upset. Unless something has offended you in some way, shape or form and when we unpacked this, what they figured out was the way that they were communicating was actually offending the people that they were working with but also they were taking that offensive behavior home with them. And they saw people getting angry and they just got more angry at them and their actual mechanism was to leave. They actually vanished even from their own business as well as their house. They would just storm out the door and then they had more anger.

But what they didn’t realize is that they were matching anger with anger and the reason they were doing it is they were hurt. They were hurt because the people they were working with, the people they were close to were getting angry at what they were saying. And this person, this client of mine, couldn’t actually articulate it what was going on and so they would get hurt. They would get hurt that the people that they were working with and this happened to be his employees at a high level, these were executives in his company were actually getting angry with him and it hurt his feelings. But at the time he couldn’t register that. He just met anger with anger and he stormed out.

Now fast forward, he would go home. The same thing would happen. He would have this energy, this negative energy, he’d bring it home and he would tell his wife to do things and she would get upset. She didn’t want to be spoken to in that tone and that way and then she would get upset which would then cause anger. And she was hurt because of the way that he was treating her. He was treating her like an employee, like a staff member. He wasn’t leaving work in the office where he works, he was taking it home with him. Then she would get hurt, then she would get angry and then he would get hurt and he’d storm out.

It’s important to remember these kinds of things. And I’m sure we’ve all been in that situation where we get angry because someone says something because someone does something or maybe they don’t do something. Now this happens a lot in intimate relationships. It happens a lot to the people we’re closest with. They’re the ones that can hurt us. People you don’t know, they don’t tend to hurt you, they say something, a lot of times it can just rub off your shoulders or go down your back, no big deal. The people that are closest to us whether if you’re a business owner as I am, it could be your staff. They’re like an extension of my family but a family can also bring this up. That’s what people talk about the holidays, that can happen often. But also in your romantic relationships of course and with your kids.

Just remember that when you’re getting angry, behind anger’s always hurt. Hurt of some kind. If you find yourself getting angry, ask yourself the question, and I encourage you to journal this, ask yourself the question is, why am I hurting? What hurt my feelings? I believe it’s actually more manly and it’s a conversation since I coach mostly men, that comes up often, is doing this deep dive, this exploration of work inside yourself takes a lot of courage. Takes a lot of strength. It does for women as well. I think that courage is what really comes forth. It takes a strong person to do this kind of work.

Easy to listen to this. Easy for you guys just to listen to this and for me too and not do anything about it. But doing the work is where you get the results. And so what I want you to also do is consider the next time someone gets angry with you, just look at them like a five-year-old child that’s hurting. This works for me. It allows me to calm myself down and lower my testosterone a little bit so I don’t rise up and meet them in a competitive way. That’s what I used to do. Which is kind of the house I grew up in, brothers and playing sports, being competitive, you rise up against the challenge.

So now what I do is if somebody gets angry I just picture them as a five-year-old and then I’m going geez, inside I’m kind of the dialogue of wow they’re hurting. I give them a moment and I just breathe and I give them, I usually count to 10 and then I ask them, “Hey what’s really going on?” Almost every single time, all their anger dissipates ’cause they’re feeling hurt. They’re feeling represented, they’re feeling heard and they can express what’s really going on and were able to move past it. We actually get closer. Almost every time this happens. You get closer to that person because you’re relating to them.

That’s my tip for you today. I encourage you to journal it ’cause you’re going to find so much more information by journaling this rather than just thinking it and journaling it down when it happens to you especially. For right now if this is new to you, this train of thought of behind anger is always hurt and doing this kind of work then journal it when you’re doing it but also when you see other people doing and it becomes automatic. And this allows you again to author your own story because now you’re in control. You’re in control of the ship. Yeah, you’re still going to get angry, you’re still going to get triggered, things are still going to happen in your life and that’s okay, that’s totally cool. That’s part of being human, right? But now you can catch it quickly.

And that’s the difference that I’ve experienced and what I teach my clients. In a business that can be the difference between getting a deal and not getting a deal. And keeping employees and staff and not. Staff leaves, that a huge expense, training them, and besides just the emotional commodity. I guess emotion’s not a commodity but the emotional aspect of having people leave your team. You want to keep great people around you. And then at home of course and the loved ones.

This is a skill. I hope it works for you. I’d love to hear how it works for you. Please let me know and leave a comment below wherever you’re getting this. And of course, if you’re listening to this right now on iTunes or on a podcast, obviously you can’t comment but reach out to me. I want to know how this is working for you in your business and also in your home life. And as always, please go over to authorofyourownstory.com if you haven’t already, get on the newsletter because we do release extra special tips, tricks and techniques on there to help you up level. And that’s the key. Just keep reinforcing this information and just like an old song that pops up in your head, these will pop up in your head as well and it allows you to just have more control, more balanced and really more fun and enjoy life and be the author of your own story.

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Make Yourself A Priority

If you’re watching this on video, you can see I’m out in the middle of nowhere with my family snowshoeing, having an absolute blast on a Friday morning. Now, if you’re listening to this, just picture a picturesque mountain pine snow-filled hillside where we are actually trekking through and you can probably hear our little baby here with me. He’s happy to be here.

Today’s thought and insight, what I want you to do is look at your journal. Grab your five to thrive, and where are you delaying gratification? Where in your life are you delaying doing stuff like this? Taking time off to fill your soul, whether it be getting outdoors like I like to do with my family, spending time with your family, or doing something else that fills you up. What I want you to do is write down your five to thrive, and find those areas.

Is there an area in your five to thrive that you’ve been waiting on to actually have some gratification in your life and to fulfill your soul? Then, what I want you to do, you grab your schedule, schedule that out today. Make yourself a priority. That’s it for me today, I’ll see you tomorrow. As always go to authorofyourownstory.com, where you get the latest tips, tricks, and techniques delivered right to your inbox and even on your smartphone, so when you’re out here enjoying this beauty, you can also be up-leveling. Take care.

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Have Passion For What You’re Doing

Today, I had a first coaching session with a new client of mine. Always one of my favorite sessions to have, because I get to deep dive into their lives, and into their dreams, and unpack what their dreams really and truly are. And sometimes, it’s easy and fun, and cheerful. And sometimes it’s like pulling stuff out of somebody, and it can be a little difficult. Have you ever had that experience before? I’m sure you have.

Well, with this particular client, he didn’t know really where he wanted to go. We started actually laying out his goals in his Five to Thrive. In his mind, in his body, in his soul, in his relationships, and his business. And the problem was, he just didn’t know what he wanted. And so, I asked him a question. I’m gonna ask you the same question if you think about what you want in your Five to Thrive. What do you want in the next five, or two years, or 90 days? Now, if you’re not sure, that’s okay. But that’s like me, coming up to your house, telling you to get in the car, and we’re going on a trip. We’re going on a journey together. We are going on a trip, and I turn to you and say, “Give me directions.” And then you’re gonna hear crickets, right? How can you give me directions if you don’t know where we’re going?

Well, it’s the same thing with me as a coach. With me being a coach for high-level business owners and entrepreneurs, if they don’t have direction, it’s impossible for me to help them get there. Now, obviously, during this session, that’s what we covered, and we spent 90 minutes unpacking that. Now, during that conversation, what also came up were a bunch of “shoulds”. See, this person, an amazing man, he actually had a whole list of things he should be doing in each category, and when I would ask him about certain levels, especially the first initial level of the conversation, it would have been something like this: “Well, I kinda think I should be finishing this course. So, I’ll put that in my mind. Then, you know, maybe I’ll just keep going for the body.”

Whoa, what? This is your life! You should be impactful with these things that you’re going … If you want to finish a course, you should love it. Now, there are certain times we all have to do certain things, right? So, let’s say, for me, if you never ran a digital marketing agency before, and now I run two, but there was a time I didn’t know! And yeah, it was exciting, but learning how to code wasn’t what I wanted to do, but that’s what I needed to do to get where I wanted to go. Right? And so I was able to find some passion within that, but most of what I was doing, I was loving. I was absolutely excited about it, and I still am today. And you should be, too.

And so, what I told him, was you gotta play with this! It’s your life, and if you think you should finish a course, but you don’t have an outcome for why then get rid of it! Get rid of it completely. Your time is more precious. Go do something fun, and find areas of growth that allow you to have the life that you’ve always dreamed of. Areas of growth that excite you. Don’t get caught up in the shoulds, right? We all do it, but I want to pull you out of it quicker, right? I want you to be pulled out of that muck. Do you think that you should be in a specific type of relationship? You know? Do you think you should be dating? Do you think life should look a certain way?

Well, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to, and if you do have these goals and these aspirations, as you’re going on your Author of Your Own Story journey. You have goals. You have dreams. And let’s say you’re listening to me, and you’re doing the work, and I applaud you for that if you are. Then one thing when you’re actually listing our your goals and aspirations in your five categories of your Five to Thrive, they should excite you. There are seasons when you’re just gonna do some work, and that’s okay, too, if it’s getting you to where you want to go. But, for the most part, and I want to say 90%, you should be excited about what those goals and aspirations are leading you to. Where are they pulling you to? There’s a difference between being pulled towards your dreams then being actually pushed, or having to push to get them. We don’t want to do that. As people that were living the Author of Your Own Story lifestyle, we deserve a lot more. And you deserve a lot more.

So what I want you to do is grab your journal again, write out your Five to Thrive, right? Your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business, and then what I want you to do is look at that, and look at your goals. Write down what your goals are for the next 90 days within each of those categories. Now, when you look at that goal, does it excite you? Does the idea of accomplishing that excite you? And does it get you a step closer to being the man or woman that you want to be, five years from now? If the answer to those questions is no, then you need to scrape it out, start from scratch, and come up with something that does inspire you.

Look, the world is full of people going through their days like drones. Sitting in front of the TV, sitting in front of the computer, and just really not living life, and getting out, and enjoying all life has to offer. That’s just not acceptable. You, I need you to be different. I need more people like you out there. I have a nine-month, year-old son, and I really do this because I want the world to be a better place. And I truly believe that doing stuff with a passion, following your own dreams. That’s how we actually improve the world. When people are following their dreams, and they’re passionate, they’re not fighting. They’re not stealing. They’re living with integrity. They’re really going out there and living with a zest for life! And when somebody is like that, you just want to be around them, right? You want to grab them and hold on to that energy and spend time with them.

And I want that for you. I really do. So do the exercise, please. Do the work. And if you’re listening to these on a regular basis, or watching me on your screen, then I implore you to not only do the work but share this with at least three people. Share this with three people, right here, right now, to grow your tribe, so you have more people that are inspired and taking action, to keep you accountable, but also keep you in the conversation. That’s it for me today. Go over to authorofyourownstory.com to get the latest tips, tricks, and techniques, and make sure you get into the Author of Your Own Story University right away. Have a fantastic day. I’ll see you tomorrow. Go out and inspire someone by being the Author of Your Own Story.

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« Older Entries

Next Entries »

The Importance Of Picking A Lane

Think Like A Kid

The Importance Of Clear Communication

Revisit: The 90-90-1 Rule

Take Advantage Of The Resources Around You

Be Your Own Hero

The Power Of Indecision

Behind Anger Is Aways Hurt

Make Yourself A Priority

Have Passion For What You’re Doing

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