The spotlight effect … well, each time when you go into a social situation or you’re thinking about making a big decision, what naturally occurs to most of us is what’s called “the spotlight effect”. That’s where we think that everybody is looking on us. They’re looking at us and they’re concentrating on the things that we’re doing and the ways that we’re behaving. When the truth is this is just a way that you limit yourself from actually achieving your potential.

When you think about it, this was a survival mechanism that was put into our psyche so we could live in tribes, so we could survive by being one of the tribe and not standing out, so we wouldn’t draw attention upon ourselves. When the truth, in this day and age, when we have all our basic needs met, the spotlight effect really is preventing you from becoming the author of your own story. Now, if you think everybody’s watching you, everybody’s paying attention to what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, they’re criticizing you, you’re greatly mistaken. And the reason is that everybody has a spotlight effect. Right?

So, when you’re in a social situation, you’re thinking, “Jeesh. You know, is everybody looking at me? Is my hair okay? Am I dressed all right? You know, am I walking? Am I standing up tall? Am I representing my best self?” Remember, everybody is thinking something similar. So, they’re actually not focused on you at all. When you can adapt that mentality and realize that the spotlight effect isn’t actually on you, and each person is having their own spotlight, it gives you the freedom to break out of the restraints and become more of the author of your own story. So, what I want you to do today is go through your daily life, after listening to this, and imagine the spotlight effect.

Now, I want you to imagine that everybody that you encounter or come across, whether it be in the grocery store or in the boardroom, is having some sense of that spotlight effect occurring for them in that moment. And then, I want you to break away from that and try something different. Notice those subconscious thoughts, a little ego talking to you, that’s telling you stuff like, “Oh wow. What do I look like? Am I not dressed right? Oh jeez, I shouldn’t of wore sweats going to the grocery store. Or, here I am in the boardroom and I forgot my tie,” whatever it may be for you.

What I want you to do is realize what those thoughts are, and then when you get an opportunity, as soon as you get an opportunity, write those down. Now, if you’re in the boardroom, type ’em up, put ’em on your phone. If you’re at the grocery store, you can do the same thing. And the reason we wanna write these thoughts down is we wanna recognize what our subconscious mind is saying so we can flip the script on it. We also wanna recognize, during those times, to take that five-second rule. Remember? Five, four, three, two, one, and then switch it. Make a conscious decision to realize … and I like to laugh at it. Whenever I realize the spotlight effect is happening to me, I laugh. And so I realize that that’s happening. I give it a giggle. Right? ‘Cause it’s funny to me that I actually am programmed this way. And I realize that nobody else around me cares what I’m doing, they just don’t.

I’m not that important. At least, not to them. I’m important to myself. And so, once you’ve realized, in that moment, that you have these subconscious programming, this language, or record playing in your head giving you negative feedback, you can go ahead and laugh at it, which is what I do. Or do anything you want to break that. And then, flip it. And be laughing … you know what? No one cares about my sweats. Here I am at the grocery store and I’m so comfortable, it is amazing. And walk around, and then you’ll realize that spotlight effect … people are now looking at you and what they’re thinking is, “Man, that person is comfortable. Wow. Why am I dressed up for the grocery store? Oh, I can’t believe I did that.”

So the spotlight effect, often times, brings us into conformity. And we also know that change happens outside of your comfort zone. And so, when you’re going through this phase of a spotlight effect, really recognize that nobody cares what you’re doing. And this is gonna give you that extra edge when allowing you to push the boundaries a little bit and step into your … outside, excuse me, step outside of your comfort zone and into uncomfortability, where you could actually achieve greatness. And this is where it’s gonna open you up. It’s gonna open up to new paradigms of possibility for you, and allow you really to enjoy that moment.

So, go out and seize the moment. Recognize the spotlight effect. Journal anytime you have something that comes up, so you can recognize that. And really pay attention to that programming, so you can flip the script. And that’s how you can go out and be the author of your own story. That’s it for me today. Go over to authorofyourownstory.com, sign up for our newsletter. That’s where you’re gonna get the latest tips, tricks, and techniques. But you’re also gonna get inside information. We just interviewed Chris ‘Tarzan’ Clemens and in that conversation, we talked about really what it’s like to be a digital nomad, the ups, and downs that people don’t talk about becoming the author of your own story, about his successes, but also deep insights into his failure. Now, this interview is only gonna be up for a couple of days. And so, if you’re listening to this, you know, after we’ve recorded and released it, a week later you’re not gonna have access to it. Only in our member’s section.

But, if you’re on our newsletter, you’re gonna get that update right away so you have access to his inside tips and inside information from experts, totally free and accessible to you. That’s the only way you can get it. And I wanna make sure you have all the tools to become the author of your own story. Have a great day. Remember, go out and be the author of your own story.

If you like these daily growth hacks, it would mean the world to us if you would take a moment to subscribe and review us on iTunes!

Now, this is a conversation I have often. How many times are you actually wasting time during your day? Now, when I have this conversation, of course, it’s usually over somebody’s goals. What I’m talking is about how much time is actually spent on social media, on Facebook just catching up on what people or doing or on YouTube watching videos that you don’t even care about, in fact, videos that leave you less inspired when you walk away? These could be music videos or how-to videos or something else. Or TV, right? How often do you sit down to watch the news for an hour or watch your favorite show for two, three, four, five hours over the time? How are times you just not being efficient, kind of like twiddling your thumbs and finding yourself just walking around your house aimlessly?

Now, most people I talk to, it’s anywhere between four and eight hours, which I know if you’re hearing this and you actually haven’t thought about it sounds like a ton of time. It is. But when you actually track that time, for the average person it’s usually between four and eight that I talk to. I’m dealing with ultra high achievers. I would say for most of us is probably closer on the six. Now, I’m guilty of this too, of course. You know, my wife and I, we love different TV shows and we’ll sit down, we’ll watch them. As soon as one episode finishes, we’ll say, “Let’s watch the next one.” Then we’ll go on. Next thing you know, two hours are gone. You know, sometimes I walk away going, “Jeez, that wasn’t really quality time. We didn’t really have quality time together. We both had entertainment time.” Sometimes I find myself watching a show that I don’t even really care about. I mean, do you do that? You’re watching shows or you’re on social media really just to kill time or avoid doing the important. That’s really what we’re talking about.

You know, often times, when we’re actually doing these things, these things that are unimportant, checking Facebook or checking email repeatedly or whatever it may be, it actually makes us feel worse about ourselves. You know, this can also be TV shows. I know a lot of you out there who are entrepreneurs or aspiring entrepreneurs. You watch shows like Billions or Ballers because, you know, you get inspiration from those shows. Often times when I talk to you, really, you get inspiration but you also feel bad about yourself because you think you should be this award-winning actor or you should be this bestseller or you should be somebody who is killing it on the speaking circuit or personal development line. You know, you think you should be this number one person. This would be like me thinking I should be the best, you know, radio host or best voice or best videographer or something like that and not doing the work to do it and getting depressed. When you watch these shows, they remind you often of the things you’re not doing because you’re doing that to escape. You’re doing that as a part of escapism, to avoid doing the important things that you know you should be doing.

What does this equate to? If you’re doing this four hours a day, which for most, the average people I talk to is pretty much minimum when you track it. When I say track it, I’m using things like RescueTime. I usually have most of my clients get the RescueTime application. It’s free for the basic version. There’s other stuff out there, but it gives you a rough idea of what time you’re using. Now, RescueTime, unfortunately, doesn’t work for the iPhone and that’s where I know most of my clients and probably you and certainly me waste our time. It is alarming when you actually see what you’re doing on apps.

Let’s just say just for this example, you’re doing four hours. Four hours every day for a work week, that’s 20 hours in the work week. Let’s say that you’re making $20 an hour. Now, I know most of you are high achievers and you’re people that are becoming the author of your own story or maybe you’re already an author of your own story and you listen to this just to keep yourself on track. You know, we’re always resetting and course correcting. Let’s just say for argument’s sake you’re making $20 an hour. We’re not going to count in opportunity costs. We’re not going to count in how, if you’re younger and you make this money and you invest it, it’s going to be even more than 20. Again, I know most of you are making a lot more than $20 an hour. Even at $20 an hour, over 20 hours per week, you’re pretty much giving up $50,000 a year.

Again, we’re talking and some of these other factors that I’m talking about. That is to say, we’re actually factoring in some of those opportunity costs, excuse me when I got this number. We are factoring some of those opportunity costs that you’re missing on 20 hours. Now, for some people, that’s eight hours, which is a heck of a lot more. When you look at that over the course of a whole year, those are the opportunities that you’re missing. Now, the opportunity costs I was saying I wasn’t factoring in earlier, I’m sorry. Getting my math wrong. The point is those other opportunity costs that I’m not factoring in are the opportunities of things you could be doing with that time to make more money, to actually make more money that is vested in your goals and to make yourself just feel better.

Let’s just say you’re on a quest to be the author of your own story and you followed some of the suggestions that I’ve given you and maybe you’ve gone to authorofyourownstory.com and you’ve done the Seven Days to Becoming the Author of Your Own Story. On there, I ask you to do some very specific exercises. It’s seven days that are guided. During that time, you start writing out what you’re doing. You realize, “Gosh, I don’t have enough time in the day.” Not having enough time in the day is the number one excuse for fitness goals, it’s the number one excuse not to meditate, it’s the number one excuse not to get things done in business, especially rainmaking or making calls in business, and it’s the number one excuse in your relationships. “I don’t have enough time.”

If you could take back 20 additional hours, if I put 20 hours on your plate, that’s being conservative. Let’s say you’re somebody who spends a lot of time watching TV. You binge Netflix. You’ve seen Narcos and everything else. Now let’s double that and that’s 40 hours a week. That’s a full work week, double throughout a year. If you had that time, you could run another business. You could achieve those goals. You could read for an additional hour a day. You could meditate for an hour a day. That’s only two. You could spend an extra hour a day with your family. Four, let’s say you exercise an hour. That just takes up your basic four hours. You have that time and that opportunity. This is why I’m saying you’re wasting $50,000 a year doing the little stuff. Now, of course, there are always times that, you know, watching a movie or watching TV, there’s nothing wrong with that. I love movies. The idea is tracking this time allows to be specific and make a decision on whether you are wasting time or using that time wisely. That allows you control your destiny. It allows you to become the author of your own story.

What I want you to do is just pull out your journal. What I want you to do is start tracking. What are you doing and when are you doing it? Now, I want you to track for a short period of time. Now, if you’re ambitious and what I make my clients do is to track for 30 days. Let’s just start with a week. Just for a week, I want you to track your time. Every time you’re on Facebook, I want you to just denote how much time you’re on there or Instagram, even if it’s just the app itself or whatever you’re using. Maybe it’s reading the news. Maybe it’s reading The Wall Street Journal on your phone when you know you don’t need to. You’ve already got the basic news or whatever you need for your business. How much time are you watching Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Prime or just TV in general? How many times are you doing these mindless things? I want you to calculate that and I think you’re going to be surprised at what you find.

Once you have that, just tally it up and see if that is serving you to your higher purpose, serving you to be the man or woman that you know you can be. Once you have that list, now you can make some decisions. You can make some decisions on where you can add that time in. Then, what I want you to do after that is what I call the Dickens Method. Well, I don’t call it that, but it’s where I learned it to be. Look back. I want you to think two years from now, just even two years, of wasting that time, are you feeling good about yourself? What do you regret? Now, if you take that even further and say, “Hey, when I’m 80,” maybe you’re 80 now, but, “When I’m 80, looking back on my life, what did I want to do with that wasted time?” That’s if you feel it’s wasted, of course. “What could I have done? What could I have done more? Could I have spent more time with my kids, my family, my loved one? Could I have worked on my health, my wellness? Could I have worked on my wealth, my business? Could I have worked more on my spirituality?” That’s up to you to decide. I just want to give you the tools so you can make that decision, educate yourself, and do it from a place of power rather than just mindless action.

That’s it for me today. Of course, go over to authorofyourownstory.com where you get more tips, tricks, and updates and also exclusive news. When we release courses for free, we’re also releasing videos, Facebook Lives that we’re doing just to people who are subscribers. Make sure you get on that list. Of course, share this with three people that you know so that they can get something from it as well. That’s all for me today. Remember, go out and be the author of your own story.

If you like these daily growth hacks, it would mean the world to us if you would take a moment to subscribe and review us on iTunes!

Just yesterday, I was relating to a friend a story that happened in one of my businesses. See, somebody talked about me and talked about what we were doing, and they had two parts to this story. The first part is they said, essentially, that Doug, me, was being inauthentic, that I was actually being cheesy and fake. The second part of the story is they actually said they read an article, and the process we were taking this particular client through was the wrong path, and they didn’t believe that they should go down this path.

Now, when I was relaying this story to somebody, who was another business owner, they immediately looked at me and said, “Wow, why aren’t you more upset? This person said you’re being inauthentic, Doug. Why aren’t you upset about that?” And I thought about it for a second, and I was like, “Gee, it doesn’t bother me.” Like, when someone says I’m inauthentic, it would just be like me saying, “Hey, you’re blue.” Now, look, if I say you’re blue, you just laugh at it, right? Because you know you’re not blue. It doesn’t even cross your mind. But this also happens in other areas of our life, right? This happens in other areas when someone says, “Hey, you’re too fat,” “Hey, you’re stupid.” Now, if we believe an inkling within ourselves that that is true, we get upset immediately, we attack, and that’s our defense mechanisms kicking in.

Now, if someone’s saying something about you — or about your product, your services, or what you’re doing — that you don’t believe, it’s just completely not true … Because in this particular story, I was being nothing but authentic. I was legitimately doing the best for that client and best in their interest, and I was really trying to help them out. And sometimes, I get excited. I love building businesses, I love helping people achieve their dreams, and so I get really passionate about it. So in this particular case, when they said I was being inauthentic, or being cheesy, or whatever terminology they were saying, it just rolled right off me, because I just … It was just like someone saying, “Hey, Doug, you’re blue.” Well, I’m not blue, and just didn’t think anything of it. “Ah, that’s funny. Let’s move on to the actual issue at hand.” The only part I got offended by the whole story was this person had a personal attack on my business partner, or at least his emotions, and I thought that wasn’t right. So in this instance, it just didn’t make sense.

But this also happens often. When I’m coaching a client, or I’m talking to an entrepreneur, oftentimes they get upset because a loved one, a parent, a friend, someone is saying, “You shouldn’t be an entrepreneur, you shouldn’t start a business, you don’t have the contacts, you don’t have the money, you don’t have the smarts, you don’t know enough.” Now, they get upset because, in the recesses of their mind, they fear this is true too. They fear that this is a problem, right? And I’ve also seen this in my fitness background, where people would actually get triggered, or get upset because people would talk about their weight. “You’re not strong enough, you’re not good enough athlete, you’re too fat, you’re too thin, you’re too slow,” whatever it is. People only get upset if they actually believe what is being said, and that’s what causes it.

I see this time and time again in relationships, right? So if I’m working with a client, they actually will tell me, “Well, my wife is doing this, and da da da, they always say that I’m not around, I’m not doing enough in this relationship, and I’m not present.” And when I listen to them, when I’m done, I’m saying, “Do you feel this way? Is there a part of you that actually resonates with this, and actually thinks that you’re not being present enough, that you’re not doing enough in the relationship?” And ultimately, the answer comes to “yes.” Yes, they do. They fear that they’re not being enough, and therefore, they’re not good enough, and they won’t be loved, and so that’s why they get upset.

The same token, if someone says, “Hey, you’re not being present,” and you know you are, you just kind of shrug it off and laugh, and go, “Gee, that’s interesting, why do you think that?” And it doesn’t become an issue because it doesn’t bother you. You realize that’s the other person’s projection of themselves upon you, and it doesn’t cause any upset. So what I want you to think about today, and the insight that I want you to take from this conversation, is that if someone’s saying something about you that upsets you, it really upsets you and gets you triggered, and gets you “[inaudible 00:04:05] I can’t believe they said that about me,” or what have you, and you get mad, ask yourself, is there some part of you that actually believes that? Is there some part of you that believes that, that what they are saying is true?

Now, if they say something and you don’t get upset, you know it’s not true, and you just realize that’s a projection the other person is putting onto you. It’s their own personal projection, right? They feel they’re being inauthentic, or they’re being cheesy in some way, of some station of their life, and they’re projecting that onto you. That’s my case. But maybe it’s something else, “You’re not smart enough,” and you’re like, “I’m plenty smart to start my own company,” or “to go off and be the author of my own story.” And then, if you know that, it doesn’t bother you. You know the person saying that is projecting their own insecurities of their own intelligence, their own insecurities that they’re not smart enough to do the things that they really want to do.

So what I want you to do today is grab your journal and write out those conversations. We have them on a regular basis. They come up, they come to me all the time with my coaching clients. I see it in people on almost a daily basis at this point in my life. But I also receive these attacks, right? And sometimes, I do think they’re real. When I find myself getting upset, I realize, “Wait a minute, Doug, is this something that actually bothers you? Is this something you believe in yourself?” And then what I do is I journal about it, I write it down.

Now, the process of journaling is just getting the thoughts out of your mind, and you have the kinesthetic or tactile experience of writing. And when you’re doing that, there’s some kind of brain-hand connection that comes out that allows you to look at yourself and be your own coach, to be the author of your own story. And when looking at this, you get to read it and ask yourself, “Is this true?” In fact, I recommend you do this with Byron Katie’s The Work, or the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, and if you need that, go ahead and message me, and I’ll be happy to get that to you, but Byron Katie’s got a lot of resources. This allows you to see the truth in a situation, what really is possible here.

But just remember, if you’re not getting upset, then it’s not true. If you’re getting upset, then there’s an inkling in yourself that believes that’s true for you. And so by writing this down and journaling this, this allows you to look and see what’s going on inside of you, look at your own fears, look at your own insecurities, and then make the choice of whether you want to work on those or not. And that’s up to you; you can do that or not do it. And again, realize that when people are name-calling you or saying things about you, if it doesn’t bother you, realize that’s their projection of themselves upon you, and that’s their issues, and those are things that they’re working through, and my suggestion to you, instead of getting mad at them, just love them more, and just realize, “Wow, that person’s got some serious issues. I hope they get the help that they need, and I hope they figure it out, and things work out for them.” And just move on, it’s just as easy as that.

That’s it from me today. Remember, go to authorofyourownstory.com, sign up for our newsletter right now, so you’re getting additional tips, tricks, and insights delivered directly to your inbox. We never spam, you can always unsubscribe, but you also will get newsletter updates about different special options that we have. Like, for example, we’re interviewing special people that have become authors of their own stories in unique ways, and we’re doing live interviews, and I want to make sure you have a part of that, and you have access to those while they’re alive, because they’re only going to be live for one week, and then we’re taking them down and putting them into our Author of Your Own Story University for members only, so I want to make sure you get complete access to that and enjoy it. So that’s it from me today. Remember, go out and be the author of your own story.

If you like these daily growth hacks, it would mean the world to us if you would take a moment to subscribe and review us on iTunes!