Darcy Curry, Author at Author of Your Own Story

What We Do In Business, We Do In All Things

Last 24 hours, I’ve had the privilege of coaching three high-level businessmen as part of my coaching regime. And coaching one of these individuals, it dawned on me, and I actually saw this across the whole line. Well, I shouldn’t say it dawned on me because it was something I already knew and I see if often.

What we do in one thing, we do at all. And this is especially true I find in the business. What we do in business, the issues we have in our business lives, especially interpersonal communication, with employees and staff, also can be spilled over into our personal relationships with our friends and family.

I had the privilege of talking to one business owner, who is highly successful, a great person. And they were telling me about a problem that they were having with one of their staff members, a problem they were having with their employee. Their employee was argumentative, their employee didn’t listen to them, and their employee wasn’t motivated. Now during this conversation, I came into effect where I tried to imagine, I had them imagine their employee being a teenager. And this applied to this individual.

Now during that, they said great, this is easy for me because I have teenagers at home. I said, “Oh, that’s very interesting. How do they behave?” “Well, they’re not motivated, they’re argumentative.” The exact same things he was saying about his staff, he was saying about his kids. And so when he talked about his kids, and he had three of them, talking about his three children, they all seemed to not listen to him, they all seemed to not be motivated. And so what I was talking to him about was how you directly communicate to one individual, you’re probably doing it to most. Unless you’ve learned to adapt, and over time, learned to make sure you’re communication skills aren’t rapid fire right at one individual person, but actually can lob and land directly on the individual with the communication that you actually want to give. In other words, the impact that you want to give.

Now I’ve heard before in my sports career, playing sports my whole life, is that when you see somebody in a sporting event, the way they act during sports is the way they’re going to be in business. In other words, if they cheat in sports, whether it be gold, soccer, tennis, what have you, they’re probably going to cheat in business and other areas of their lives, because they’ve set that standard. The same can be said in business as it relates to interpersonal conflict, right, or interpersonal communication in some senses. But how are you dealing with other people?

Now how you deal with people in your business is probably how you’re going to deal with people in your personal life and vice versa. So what I want you to do today is consider, as I know most of you are business owners, is I want you to consider what you’re doing now in your business, the problems that you’re having with your employees, with staff, with vendors, are you having these problems in relationships? Are you having problems, instead of vendors, is this your in-laws, or is this your family? Instead of your employees, is it your kids, your spouse? What is it?

What I want you to do, is write down exactly what’s going on. Where are you seeing these correlations? Now if you’re not a business owner, I want you to look at other areas of your life. If you’re an employee, how do you treat your boss? Is that the same way you treat your spouse or your parents or another authority figure? Do you have problems communicating at work? In other words, no one’s listening to you. When you go home, do you still say, “No one’s listening to me.” Is it the same thing? Because the chances are, it is you and that’s what you need to fix.

Now business people come to me all the time asking for business advice. And all too often, they want tips, tricks and tactics. They’re not looking for insights. And often times I have to fix the outer layer, what’s going on in their family, how they’re communicating with people before I can actually the fix the issue that they’re hiring me for, which is typical to grow their business. They need to fix themselves first.

So again, I want you to grab your journal today, and I want you to write out and list those roles in your life, whether you’re a business owner or an employee, where are you having conflict? What do you feel about your communication skills? Are things not landing on the people you’re trying to talk to? And now I want you to say, okay, is this happening at home? Is there a correlation here? And if you find that correlation, even if you can find one or two points of correlation, just realize, it’s not these two separate people, it’s not these two separate groups. It’s you.

And that’s a great knowing. Because when you know it’s you, you can make the change, you can make the shift towards your own story, to creating something greater. And now it’s just learning tactics. Now that you have this insight, you simply have to learn better communication skills. That’s it for me today, as always go to authorofyourownstory.com where you can get more tips, tricks and techniques delivered right to your inbox. Also, join us in our community, we can have deeper discussions, just like this. I’d love to know what your communication skills are and where you’re seeing this gaps being bridged, and where they’re being taken apart. Let’s jump on a Facebook live, we can talk about it, but we can also run over into one of our webinars.

Take care, and remember, go out, inspire somebody and be the author of your own story.

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How To Be Superhuman

So, how do you become superhuman? Well, I thought about this, this morning as I was journaling. Now, here it is five am, and my family’s asleep, but I was journaling out there, and I was thinking about, how do you become superhuman? Like, why do some people seem to excel and others don’t? Then as soon as I thought that, I turned my head, and I noticed a bent nail. A nail, a thick nail that was bent, by David Whitley, when I was in a conversation with him.

So I’m talking to David Whitely, he pulls out this nail, and bends it with his bare hands. Now, David wrote a book called, “Superhuman You,” it’s a fantastic read, and I highly recommend it. But David represents what a lot of us think is impossible, really is not. When I was talking to David, and I was talking to him about, what does it take to be a strong man? To be superhuman like he is. He’s able to bend bars. Be on a call with me, a video conversation, and actually bend this thick nail, right in front of my eyes. What does it take? He told me, he’s like, “Doug, it’s mostly mental. It’s the mental game.”

There are a million strong men out there, but very few can do what David does. The difference between David and the other people are not his biceps, aren’t his physical strength, it’s the space between his ears. It’s his mental clarity and his ability to work on himself. The fact that David is continually bettering himself just goes to show you that everybody can be superhuman, and even superheroes are working on themselves.

So today I’m gonna ask you, in your five to thrive, what’s something that you feel might be impossible? What’s something that feels just so out of reach that you just think, “Ah, I could never do that”? Is it bending a nail? Is it bending an iron bar like David Whitley can do? Or maybe it’s something else. Maybe for you, it’s running a 5K or a marathon or an ultra.

Or maybe it’s actually being in a loving relationship, where you can trust deeply. Or maybe it’s growing your business. Maybe you are a business owner and you’ve only made $100,000 or $1,000,000 or $10,000,000 in a given year, and you can’t imagine taking it to the next level. Well, has somebody else done it? If so, you have a limiting belief in yourself. So I want you to write those down, cause identifying those is the first thing. Identifying those limiting beliefs gives you the opportunity to see clarity, and realize those obstacles in front of you is just the space between your ears.

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Revisit: The Ever Changing You

The ever-changing you. This idea came up when I was having a conversation with a friend who was asking me, “Doug, why do you have a coach? You’ve been coaching people for years at a high level, you’ve been doing personal development since you were in high school, why are you still doing this?”

The reason is, I’m always changing, right? Every time I peel back a layer of my life, peel back the onion so to speak, it exposes something new. I’m changing my thoughts, my patterns, my beliefs. I’m 40 now, so imagine if I was still having the exact same thought patterns I had when I was 18, or when I was 10 years old, or even when I was 35 years old. Every time I change, I learn something new, I digest new information, my life experiences change and they open up my horizons, that change who I am.

There’s a saying that says, “You can’t step in the same river in the same place twice.” If you’re watching this online, you can actually see there’s a river behind me, in a beautiful setting, and if you’re listening to this in your car, or while working out on a podcast, picture me in a forest and I have a river right behind me. If I go back there and I step in that river, take my foot out, and I step again in the same place, it actually has changed. The water molecules are different, the stuff that’s flowing down the river is different. It’s the same thing with your own life.

A lot of us hold on to old patterns and old ways of being unconsciously, we don’t realize this, we don’t realize that actually we’re changing all the time, so your thoughts and belief systems should also be changing. Another thing I’ve heard is a question I got posed to me, and I’m sure this was a philosopher, and I don’t know where it is, but the question was, “if you have a boat, and you take out one board of that boat, and you replace it with a new board because it was rotten or damaged, and eventually over time you’ve replaced all the boards on that boat, is that the same boat?” The answer’s no, it’s a totally new boat, totally different. The same thing happens to you and I, this is why we seek out coaches, mentors, membership groups, and is also why I’m happy to announce that Author of Your Own Story, we’re launching our special private group.

It launches August 1st. Come get more information where you can meet like-minded people like yourself, a guided, mentorship-type environment where people are up-leveling all areas of their lives, their mind, their body, their soul, their relationships, their business.

You will get guided exercises both online and mailed directly to your home, as well as a pre-loaded MP3 Player with thoughts and audio that you can digest by yourself. Look, it’s not for everybody, this is an investment in you and your future, and if you’re not ready to make that investment, that’s fine, we’re all at different places in our lives.

Go over to the Author of Your Own Story Facebook group, it’s a free community, where you can share your ideas and get tips and inspiration from others just like you. We’re all here to be authors of our own story, and I commend you for being here today.

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What If Everyone Was Watching You

So, what if everybody was watching you? You know, this morning I got up early, and while I was actually foam rolling getting ready for my workout, which I’m about to go do now. And while I was doing that, I was watching Gary Vaynerchuk’s talk to the Dutch Brothers Company. Now it’s two and a half hours, so I just got into the beginning, but one thing that Gary said that I thought was really interesting as he talked about the times that we live in. The times that we live in today versus our grandparents. So Gary was relating with saying, “Hey look, when your grandparents were around, your grandparents could have been jerks and they just had to move, right? So your grandparents could have lived in Portland and something could have happened, they could have done something bad, or something could just have happened in their lives and they wanted to move away from it. Now they could have moved to Cincinnati, Ohio, and nobody would have known, and they would have started afresh. But nowadays, everything we do is carrying with us, right? With the advent of social media and the internet. You really can’t hide from things. Whether you’re doing bad things or good things, they do carry with you.”

What this reminded me was, was a quote I had hanging above my desk, and I actually gave it to all my staff at one point, was “what if, act as if everybody is watching.” Now the idea behind that is what if you lived your life as if people were recording you, you were your own reality show. And I can watch what you’re doing right here, right now at this moment. More importantly, I can watch what you’re doing right after you listen or watch what I’m talking about. Are you taking action, right? Are you living your life to the fullest? Or are you making excuses? Sleeping in, not doing the workout that you said you were going to do last night. Last night you were super-motivated and tody is going to be the day, and then you, the alarm goes off and you kind of roll over and you look at the alarm and you hit the snooze button once, twice, three times. And it’s tomorrow I’ll work out, or whatever the excuse would be.

Or maybe it’s the food you’re putting in your mouth, right? Maybe you’ve said you’re going to go paleo or aikido, or you’re just going to eat better, make better choices with your food, but you find yourself at lunch and going “I’ll have the burrito please with the side of nachos and the coca-cola.” Or maybe it’s in your relationships. Maybe you snap and you yell at your kids, or you yell at your loved one, or you yell at your employees and you blame them because you’re late, or something happened in your life. Or maybe it’s in your business. Maybe you have a deadline due, or you need to get a proposal out to a client and you’re like, “Ah you know, it’s Thursday night, it’s football and I want to watch it with the guys, and I’ll get to it tomorrow.” Tomorrow becomes next week.

But what if someone was watching you. What if today you act as if there was a camera crew following you around the whole entire day. And that’s the quote I had above my desk, and again, I pass this out to my staff and we talked about this often. What would you do, would you act differently if everybody was watching? Of course, you would.

You know, everybody likes to think that they don’t care what other people think of them, but that’s just not true. We’ve talked about the spotlight effect, but what I’m talking about now is an act, having that mentality of acting as if the things that you do at each and every moment are being watched and recorded, and therefore being scrutinized. But this time you want to scrutinize them yourself, and the reason we’re doing this is to be critical, to act as if we are being on our best, so we can grow into it. Because when you’re acting as if you’re being your best, or in other words, you think someone’s filming you so you’re going to eat healthier because you said you would. You think someone’s filming you, so now you’re going to sit and read, or you’re going to get up at 4:30 in the morning and foam roll while watching Gary Vaynerchuk, or you think as someone’s watching, so you’re really going to be really honorable in your relationships, you’re going to be extra-nice to everybody that you encounter. You know, you’re going to hold the door open for everybody you walk by. You’re going to do all these little things that maybe you do today and maybe you don’t. But you’re going to make sure you do them. And you’re going to do them extra special, right?

In your business, you’re going to nail it. You’re going to be great to your staff, you’re going to be great, if you’re an employee, you’re going to be great to your boss and all your co-workers. You’re going to get your deadlines done ahead of time, you’re going to be proactive, all about everything that you’re up to.

What if everybody was watching? Now imagine that if you did this day in, day out, and you had this mentality for a week, maybe a month. This is would become who you are. Your practice will become habitual. It’s like brushing your teeth. Hopefully, when you get up in the morning, you brush your teeth, it’s just something you do. And maybe you’re like me and you also work out, and that’s just something you do. Or you also spend time with your family, it’s just something you do. Because over time, you’ve done it so often, it just becomes who you are. And the reason that it happens is probably when you were a kid, you know, for example with the brushing of your teeth, your parents had you brush your teeth every morning. You probably fought it and resisted for a while, but now that we’re older, you just do it, you don’t even have to think about it. So you want to put this kind of mentality in the brushing your teeth category, and not the getting a massage, or going on vacation category, that every once in a while category. This has to be a category that allows you to pole vault into it. It just becomes a habit for you.

What I ask you today, is the insight and a question. Grab your journal, what would you do if everybody was watching? Or act as if everybody is watching. So I want you to write out, what are the things in your life you would change. And I highly encourage you to write out your Five to Thrive. Your mind, your body, your soul, your relationships, and your business. If people were watching you, if you were your own reality show, a whole crew came in. They also knew the things you’ve said, they knew the things you said you were going to do, now they’re going to watch you. How would you act differently? Now if you were going to act differently in any of those five categories, what I encourage you to do now is break it down to those micro-steps, what’s the one thing in each area you can do right now. Right now you can commit to, as soon as you’re done hearing this, and after you’ve journaled, what can you do right now to move forward?

That’s what I want to leave you with today. Remember, act as if everybody’s watching, and go out and be the author of your own story. One of the things you can do on top of that is going to the Author of Your Own Story website, and make sure you get on to our newsletter. Why? Because you’re going to get more tips, tricks, and techniques right to your inbox. Plus you’re going to know about our scheduled events, and I want to make sure you have an opportunity to get these. Like a link to Gary Vaynerchuk’s talk, and specifically, the points that I feel that will actually uplevel you, and you can take those conversations, share them with other people, and have conversations that matter.

That’s it for me today. Remember, I’m watching. Go out and be the author of your own story.

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How Is Your Network?

Now, throughout life, we have multiple networks. Right? We have our family network. This is our core group of people that we grew up with, but also our extended family. For myself, I have my two brothers, my parents, but I also have my extended network of family, which are my in-laws, so that’s Erin my wife’s family as well. This is my network as far as family, but I also have groups or pods of networks of friends. Then, of course, we have business networks. Now, I have several different businesses so I have different networks that fit into each of those businesses.

Then, I have my network as a whole. You can consider the network as your LinkedIn network. What does that say about you? Or, your Facebook network. Now, what I want you to consider is that we are all part of that network’s ecosystem, and within that ecosystem or in that network, we’re either contributing or taking away, and this goes for every person. For example, if you have a network of friends. Let’s say these are friends you go out with on a Friday night. You’re going to happy hour, and you go out clubbing or whatever it is you do. In that network of friends, who are those people that are contributing to your life, who are contributing to the future author of your own story, you? Who are those people that are also bringing you down? See, if you’re not contributing to somebody in your networks, if you’re not contributing to your family, if you’re not contributing to your business partners, if you’re not contributing to the network, that means you’re taking away. That’s mean you’re bringing the network down itself.

We all work holistically within these networks. Now, certainly, there was a time in my life and especially in my family network where I felt I had to be a certain way. I would show up to holidays or get-togethers, and I would just be down. In fact, I would compensate by drinking. That would kind of just mellow me out and just all right, let’s get over this day. This is no surprise to anybody in my family that I did this. In fact, multiple members of my family did it, but in that network, I was bringing the network down. It wasn’t the network’s fault or my family’s fault. It was me. I wasn’t contributing to my fullest. Now, when I go, I’m just being myself, and as myself, the things that used to bother me, just roll off my back as we’ve talked about ways of handling these triggers in previous Daily Growth Hacks.

This can also be said for other networks. Now, I have friends and these are people that I love, but these are also people that aren’t contributing to my growth, and these are people that I’ve let slip away over time. I’m sure you can think of a lot of friendships that you used to have and you used to be really close and all kinds of things together, and over time you’ve just let those friendships slide. Why is that? Perhaps subconsciously you realize that that relationship wasn’t beneficial. Whether it be you’re not giving them something or they’re not giving you something. Now, in this idea, we have looked for … hopefully, we are actively are looking for other networks to join. I definitely follow them, I want to make sure that I’m not the smartest person in the room philosophy with my networks.

Now, see, also always joke around. It’s easy for me to do, but hopefully, it is for you too. I’m always looking at people who I can strive for and I can contribute as well. I approach these networks, especially new networks, with the idea of, how can I pour into them? How can I really give myself? What can I do for them? I have a diverse background in fitness. I have over 18 degrees and certifications in the fitness industry, but I also have almost as many degrees and certifications in the marketing field, and then we have personal development or holistic coaching that I do. I usually pick from one of those three spheres to see what I can really give and contribute to the group before I ask of anything. I sit back and I try to contribute, and I just be myself. If it naturally clicks, then that’s fantastic. I can also find something to admire in somebody, and that’s something that I’ve worked on and a trait that I really like about myself and something that I’ve developed, and I hope you can too.

What I want you to do is grab your journal, and I want you to write out the different networks that you’re in. Stephen Covey calls these roles. Right? We have different roles in life that we fulfill. It could be a father, husband, et cetera. This is a little twist on that, and I just want to talk about networks that you’re in. Now, networks can be for good or they can be for bad. ISIS is a bad network in my opinion, but there’s also good networks that are out there. That could be your church and community organizations, sports leagues. Like I said, friends, et cetera. Networks can be good and bad. Don’t you have different cliques that you hang out with? Maybe you hang out with these friends this time and this other group of friends another time. I think most of us do.

What I want you to do is write down all of those networks that you have and include your social media networks because this important for you that are actually expanding upon your business. Even if you don’t have a business, you want to make sure your networking is also happening for you so you can utilize it and give and contribute over time. Especially as you’re being the author of your own story. You’re going to inspire people beyond your scope of knowledge, beyond the people that you can actually physically see. What I want you to do is grab your journal, like I said, write down your different networks. Church, organizations, family, friends. Write down the different networks of friends that you might have. Now, also business networks. Right? How many business networks do you have or employees or employers, and what cliques are within those?

Now, within each of these networks … You probably should have a long list. A lot of you should have a network list of at least 20 or more. Some of you are going to have 50 to 100. Take the time to write out each of these networks. Now, what I want you to do with these networks is write down, are you contributing? Are you a contributor, or are you a drainer from these networks? Also, is this network contributing to you? Is this network positively contributing to you and the man or woman that you are striving to be? Does this actually add up to your values? Now, some of this be said about loyalty and friends that you can just confide in. You know we’re always there for you. What I want to know is are these people contributing to you, and are you contributing to them? See, you can be the bad person in a network, or you can be positive, and I want to know which one you are.

Now, as you go through these networks and you’re looking at these, and after you’ve written this down, notice which networks you aren’t contributing to and you’re not getting anything back from. Now, if it’s been over time, what I want you to do is cross them out or highlight them, whatever you want to do to notice them. I want you to do the same for the networks that you’re both contributing to and getting something from. Now, the ones that you’re getting something from and contributing to, I want you actively plan a way to spend more time in those networks. Now, the ones that are taking away from you and you can’t contribute to either, I want you to actively plan not spend time with them. Nothing to say that these people are bad, but they’re not adding value to you, and you’re not adding value to them, so you want to break ties as soon as possible and hang out with people that are actually up leveling.

Now, if you … I hear this all the time, like, “Doug, I can’t find men or women or people that are trying to up-level their lives. They’re not trying to do things at my level or as much as I am.” I hear that often. I got to say that’s BS. Right? We have the internet of things. Right? We can go on to LinkedIn groups, to Facebook groups. There are tons of opportunities out there. In fact, Author of Your Own Story has its own group. It’s active. There are members in there just like you. They’re contributing, they’re learning. The key to anything, just like social media, social media is social. If you’re in a group, and you’re just being a voyeur, you’re not getting anything out of it. You know what? You’re not contributing. You’re the one holding everybody back, so contribute today. Simply introduce yourself or simply just throw a question out, whatever it is. Be an active part in the Author of Your Own Story community. It’s a great way to meet new people and expand your network with people who are up leveling to allow you to rise just even more.

That’s it for me today. Remember, go over to AuthorofYourOwnStory.com. Make sure you get on our newsletter so you can get the latest tips, tricks, and techniques as well as these events that we’re launching. You want to be involved because you want to have the tools to allow you to easily grow and become the author of your own story. Remember, go out and have an awesome day and be the author of your own story.

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The Billionaire and The Beggar

What do the billionaire and the beggar have in common? What do the young and the old have in common? What do you and I have in common? We all have 24 hours in a day. And the difference is, is what we choose to do with each of those 24 hours. Now, you could say, “Well, circumstances happen, Doug. And it’s actually not in my control.”

Well, that’s a victim mentality. If you take ownership of your day if you take ownership of each hour in your day, what would it show you? Where would you be? How could you achieve more? Now, we have all have an hour. You can’t stop time.

What are you doing with each hour? Now, this is an insight that I got years ago, and why I started really controlling my schedule and my calendar. It’s something I work on every single week. This is why on the Author of Your Own Story University we really cover the week review. So that means each week we review our past week to see how we did, give yourself a score, and then look at the week coming up and plan it out.

And plan it out for success. And plan it out with things that are going to fill us up, but are also going to get us to our goals. Now for each of us, that’s going to be different. Some of you want to work six hours a day. Some of you are willing to work 12 hours a day for your goal.

The same thing, the similarity that we all have, is we all have 24 hours, 24 hours in a day. And it’s what you do with each of those hours. You decide. You decide whether you’re going to be in your body or you’re going to be fit or fat. You decide whether you’re going to be able to speak one language or multiple languages. You decide whether you’re going to go deep into your religious beliefs or go into meditation or whatever it may be for yourself or sit on the couch.

You decide if you have quality relationships. You decide if you’re able to actually go out there and have a bunch of guy friends or girlfriends or social time. You decide whether your business life is successful or not. How do I know you’re deciding? I know you’re deciding because I know there are other people who are successful at each of those areas.

In fact, I know people who are successful in all those areas. And that’s why we came up with the Five to Thrive. It’s a holistic representation of your life. What you want to make sure you’re doing with each of these hours in a day, that you have blocked those hours. You have taken a vote, basically. A vote saying, “This is where I want my life to go. This is where I want it to be.”

And you vote with your time. Now, I often say, “Show me your schedule and I’ll show you your priorities.” If I can see your schedule and you’re booked solid from 5 AM to 8 PM on business, I’m going to say that’s your priority. But your relationships are probably suffering. That’s my guess based on all the people that I’ve coached over the years. You know, there are other areas. Your body’s probably suffering, too.

But if you see your schedule, and I see a holistic balance, I see that you’ve actually booked out in your schedule workouts, I see you’ve booked out connection time with your family, with your loved ones, I see you’ve booked out your meditation or religious time, I see you’ve booked out time for yourself to get outside, if I see you’ve booked out time to learn, time to take these insights and these tips and apply them to your life, I know you’re going to be successful in whatever you decide to do.

And even if you haven’t made a choice yet, you haven’t actually decided exactly what you want in life, by taking action and doing the small step, you will get there. You will have the foundation for success. And that’s what I want for you. I want you to have the best.

So what I want you to do is go ahead and grab out your Five to Thrive and look at your goals. You’ve written them down in the past, and if you haven’t, this is the time to do it. Right here, right now. Stop what you’re doing. If you’re driving, pull over and take some notes. It’s not going to kill you to take a little bit of time. You know, be safe, obviously. But take time now to plan your future.

Look at your schedule. Does your schedule represent the way that you want to live your life? Not only now, but in future? Is this a representation of you? Do your hours look like votes? And if they are votes, and you agree with me, then what are you voting for?

I want you to write that down. And now adjust your schedule. Pivot if you need to. If you don’t, celebrate those great things that you are doing. This is not just a choice for you or a chance for you to be critical. This is a chance for you to look at yourself in a critical way, and then make decisions that allow you to be pulled forward into your destiny.

That’s it for me today. Remember, go to authorofyourownstory.com, where you can get more tips, tricks, and techniques to help you uplevel your life and become the Author of Your Own Story. Go out and have a fantastic day. Look at that schedule and remember, do the work, guys. I want you to do the work because that’s how you get there. Just listening to this doesn’t help you. You’ve gotta do the work. Go out and be the Author of Your Own Story.

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Come Up With A Better Story

Now, what I’m talking about today, Come Up With a Better Story, I get so excited and passionate about this, and we’ve talked to you about it before in other daily growth hacks, but I just had a conversation this morning with a family member. Now, of course, family people, members of ours, they can really push our buttons, right? They know exactly what to say to kind of drive our nerves or trigger us from past experiences that we may have had with them.

Now, luckily, in my stage of development, I can really let all of that to just bounce off me. I don’t take it personally. What does affect me is when a family member isn’t living up to their own potential. That actually really hurts me, not from a judgmental standpoint, but from a standpoint where I’m hearing them complain all the time, and I’m like, “Ah, I just want you to be happy. I just want you to love. I just want you to enjoy life.”

A lot of that is really just their story. They live in a story over and over and over again, and I know you know people just like this, and maybe you’re one of them, maybe you’re not, I know I found myself being one of them many, many times, when you peel back that layer of those onions. You know these people. They’re always complaining perhaps, or maybe it’s someone who’s always sad, or maybe it’s someone who’s always broke, or maybe it’s someone who’s always a victim. It’s somebody else’s fault that things are happening to them in their lives. They’re a victim of circumstance, right?

We all know people like this, so what I’m going to ask you to do is make sure you don’t become one of them, and what I want you to do is write a better story. I want you to write a better about yourself and, when you write your life story, make sure you’re the hero. Are you the hero in this journey? I want you to write a story about you that you can live into. I want it to be epic. I want it to be a bestseller, a page-turner that you just don’t want to put down and you’re like, “Wow, you know, this person,” which is you, “is just living an epic life, a life that I’ve only dreamed of.”

That’s what I did, and that where came up with the Author of Your Own Story concept is when I realized at a young age that I could write into my future and be whatever I want it to be. I was a business owner at a very young age, and people told me I couldn’t do it. They were, “Don’t do that. Go back to school. Get your MBA.” They gave me a lot of advice, and it was great advice for them, but not for me.

When I wrote out what I really wanted, what would really make my life amazing by the time I was 30, at the time, I’m in my early 20’s and 30 years old, right, and so, by that time, what would it be? One of them was owning my own business in the fitness industry. I really wanted to do it. I was passionate about helping people. I was passionate about health and wellness and fitness, so I just wanted to do it. I love having my own business, so I started several of them probably because I’m just crazy, but I did that, and I wrote that into a story.

When I first wrote it, I was kind of like, “Oh, yeah, you know, I can go work for somebody. I can be independent,” all these things that I knew I could do and do easily, but it wasn’t exciting. It wasn’t an exciting story. I was like, “Wait, would I really want to read this and pick it up off a bookshelf and, and actually enjoy it?” The answer is no. It just didn’t turn me on, so to speak. I just wasn’t excited. I wasn’t a hero. I was just the guy going through the motions.

Along this way of my journey, now, I’m 40, I’ve written and rewritten my story many, many times, and I try to do it every year at least, and at least revisit that story just to make changes because I change. As I mature, my wants, my desires change, and now I’m a family man, I’ve got a beautiful boy and a lovely wife, and so it’s changed, right, so, but I still want the adventure, and I still want to be the hero, and I still want to be the page turner.

I want to be the guy that, when I’m reading the book and, frankly, no offense, I don’t care what you think about that story, but, for me, that when I’m reading that book, I’m like, “Man, this guy’s a hero. This is the guy that I want to be.” That’s what I want to read, so that’s what I want to write down, and I want you to do the same.

I use the Five to Thrive to make sure I’m covering all those five areas, and that’s where we came up with the Five to Thrive. It’s a holistic representation of you and your life. Does it cover everything? Maybe not, but we try to fit everything into those five categories. If you have other ones, let us know, and maybe we’ll see how we can meld them in. We’re always adjusting as well, but this is where I came up with the Author of Your Own Story concept is I wanted other people to live into it.

I was tired of people telling me how epic my life was and it was good for me and, “Yeah, Doug, I wish I could do that, but I can’t do it because I have a job. I can’t do it because I have kids. I can’t do it because I have a family. I can’t do it because I don’t have enough money. I can’t do it.” Whatever. I heard so many excuses, and it just drove me nuts, and so I wanted to help people, and that’s where we came up with the Author of Your Own Story, and that’s why I do these daily growth hacks, just to hopefully give you something to think about, a short, little nugget in the morning that can hopefully trigger something. It could be something like, “Doug’s crazy,” and that’s fine, too. It maybe just makes you feel better about your life, but, hopefully, you’re doing the work and you’re doing these exercises and you’re writing a story.

I want that story to be amazing and compelling to you. If you’re listening to this right now and you’re kind of going, “Oh, man, my story is not that compelling,” this is your wake up call. This is your chance to write that down. I don’t care if you’re a millionaire. In fact, everyone of my personal clients are millionaires. It doesn’t mean they’re happy. I know this. I know it really, really, really well.

Now, I don’t care what it is, what stage in life, what your past is. Just write a new story. What I want you to do is carve out a couple of hours. If you’re like most people, you’re like, “I just don’t have a couple of hours. I’m, I’m busy. I just got all these things going,” and, to that, I say, “Bull crap. You can develop a couple of hours in your life. I know it. If you’re watching any TV at all, if you’re doing any reading, you’re doing any leisurely activities, you have time.

This is your story. This is your life, and, to me, this is one of the most important things to do. This is an epic representation of what you’re going to become.

I had a conversation with somebody just last night, and I said, “Oh, yeah, you’re, you’re busy doing your day to day, but you’re too busy to plan your life,” and I said it very snarkily and very sarcastically. I’m not really sure they picked up on it, but what I was really trying to them was like, “Look, I get it. You’re busy with your day to day life running through, but you’re busy being busy rather than being strategic and planning the life that you want to live.”

You’re not going to end up having this epic life most likely unless you plan it out and do some work and even subconsciously get pulled to those desires. That’s what I want for you. I want you to write an epic bestseller right now. It just has to be a paragraph. Right? Maybe a page or two, if you’re inspired to do so, but even just a paragraph on who is that person. Who is the hero inside of you, and what are they doing to live an epic life?

That’s it for me today. In our groups, in our Author of Your Own Story University, we do a deep, deep dive in this. It’s extremely, extremely important that you do as well. In these videos, I try to keep them all under 10 minutes and as close to 5 as I can, and I can see they’re already going up. If you’re listening to this in the podcast, you totally understand what I’m talking about.

What I want you to do is go over and make sure you’re on our email list. You got to get on that newsletter because there are so many other bonuses that are going to help you out and things that I just can’t talk about in these daily growth hacks.

I want to make sure you also get inspired by the interviews. We have amazing people coming up that I get the chance to do a long formal interview, over two hours where I dive deep because I don’t want to just ask them the soundbite questions that you hear everywhere. I want to get to know them and really know what happened for them and what moves them passionately to allow them to become the authors of their own stories so they can move you, because I’m just one man and my story is unique to me. There are so many other people doing epic things, and I want to make sure you get a chance to hear from them, too.

What I want you to do, of course, and I ask this a lot because, actually, it’s so important, is grow your tribe. Share this with three people, three people right now. If you’re working out, just hit “Stop” and hit the “Share” button on your iPhone, on your android and share it with three people. If you’re watching this on YouTube or Facebook or wherever you are, or LinkedIn, just share it with three people. In that way, you could have some conversations and conversations that matter. This is all important for you to grow your tribe. I want you to grow and I want you to have accountability partners to allow you to go in there.

That’s it for me today. As always, have a great day, and go out and be the author of your own story.

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Don’t Wish It Was Easier, Wish You Were Better

I was having a conversation with a business owner and they were telling me “Doug, man, sometimes it’s just so tough. Running a business and running a family, it’s just so difficult. I wish it was easier.” Then to him, I said “You know what, don’t wish it was easier just wish you were better.” At first, he got taken back and he was almost like he was offended.

When I told him, I said “No. I’m not trying to offend you. What I’m trying to say is your actual success, those things that make you happen are outside of your comfort zones.” There are people out there who are doing a tremendous job running multiple businesses, raising a family, and having that sense of balance. It wasn’t easy for them either. I know a lot of people that have been in this realm and they’ve worked hard at it. They’ve worked hard at redefining who they are and what I call being the author of your own story. One of the things that came out of this is they became better people. Now, when they went through this process, yeah did they want it to be easier? I’m sure they did.

Because it wasn’t easier, what they did instead of complaining about it is they stepped up their game. They did what I call up leveling. They upped their level like you would do in a video game or anything in life. You raise the thermostat of what you’re able to handle and what you’re able to do and out of that, you become a better man or woman, a better husband or wife, a better partner, a better spouse, a better business person. The truth is we want things to be easy, but when they’re not easy and we work hard, we become better. What I was telling them is don’t wish it was easier just wish you were better. When I say wish, what I really want to do is say work at it, plan out how you can get better.

How can you become better in your mind? What are you going to be learning? What about your body? Is it going for a run? Is it being healthy or is it working on mobility, which is something that I’m working on right now? Mobility and flexibility. What about your soul? How could you be better? If you’re a Christian, what could you do? Or if you’re Muslim or if you’re Jewish or you’re Buddhist or if you’re atheist, whatever it is for you, what is it in your soul? Is it spending time in nature? How could you be better when it wasn’t easy? Now, what about relationships? Wow, that’s one that triggers almost everybody. Relationships take it out of you. They trigger a response in you that can send you flying in an instant.

Instead of relationships being easier, how could you be better? How could you just be better at internalizing stuff and be a better person, be the person that your ideal spouse or ideal lover or ideal business partner or customer wants to be with? What about business? Business is never easy, but I can tell you what, there are people out there that are making tens of millions. Tony Robbins I just saw makes on average of 40 million a year. Now, so is it easier for him? Probably not. Has he gotten better? Absolutely. You can think of all kinds of other people. You don’t even have to go to the Richard Bransons and people like that in the world. You can just look in your own marketplace. What do you do in your industry?

Are there people that are thriving? I guarantee there are. If you’re not one of them, don’t wish it was easier because then everybody would be able to thrive. Just make sure that you are better and that way you can rise. The cream rises to the top. Once you’re at the top, you can pull everybody else up with you that you want to and that is the key to being the author of your own story. What I want you to do is go ahead and grab your five to thrive like we normally do, grab your journal, and you should be doing these journal entries daily. Grab your journal and write out body, mind, soul, relationships, and business. I know I switched two of those around, but you get the idea. Write out where do wish it was easier.

Really, and just be honest with yourself. I wish it was easier to go to the gym and workout. I wish it was easier to make money. I wish it was easier to have an intimate relationship. Whatever it is for you, write those out. Now, what I want you to do is go back once you’ve written those out and I trust that you’ve written them, go back and write out where you could be better, where could you actually be better rather than just hoping it was easy. What I want you to do is look at that and now come up with a plan. That’s the key. Coming up with a plan out of this is going to allow you to take that next step and that leap in your journey allowing you to be the author of your own story. That’s it for me today.

Remember, do the work. Just listening to these words is one thing, but doing the work makes all the difference and that’s what I want for you. I would want you to have everything, so make sure you’re doing the work. Also, if you haven’t already, go over and join the thousands of others and sign up for the Author of Your Own Story newsletter where you’re going to get information on the latest tips, tricks, and interviews that we’re doing, all the new products that we’re coming out with. I want to make sure you have unlimited access to those. Now, most of them when we release them we release them to our community, it’s our email list, on a limited basis so you could have them for free. You get a test run because we don’t want you to be limited in the tools that allow you to grow.

I want you to take advantage of that before it’s too late. That’s it for me today. I’ll see you in the Author of Your Own Story community. Go out, make your life epic, and be the author of your own story.

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Train Yourself To Feel Good

So train yourself to feel good. It is said that about 95% of our decisions are based on emotions, and as somebody who owns a marketing agency, this is something we leverage all the time. But how often through your day are you making decisions, conscious or unconsciously, based on your emotions? Well, if that’s statistic is correct, that’s 95% of the time. That only leaves a little 5% of the time that you’re using your rational mind to actually make a decision.

Now, how does this work? Well, the psychology really is, is that we use rational thought to justify the emotional decision that we make. So if 95% of our decisions, throughout life, through our day, are based on emotions, how often are you feeling good? How often are your emotions positive or empowering emotions? And so, what I wanna talk to you about is a methodology, or a way, that you can go through your day to ensure that you’re training yourself to feel more the good emotions.

And so, a lot of this is just self-discovery. So what I want you to do is grab your journal. Grab your journal right now, ’cause we’re gonna do some exercises here. And so, in the first part of your journal I want you to write the number one, and then I want you to write the empowering emotions, or the positive emotions, that you want to experience. Go ahead and make a list right now. All right, great, you have your list, you’ve written them down. Love, happiness, gratefulness, joy, these are the emotions you wanna feel on a regular basis, and I’m gonna show you how you can train yourself to do it.

Now we’re gonna talk about the triad, and this is something I got from Tony Robbins. And so, the triad talks about, picture yourself in the state, in the state where you have that positive emotion. Maybe it’s confidence for you, and I’ll use that in this example, ’cause I know a lot of people, especially the business owners I work with, they want more confidence. Now, they’re confident people, but they want more, they wanna experience it throughout their day. So let’s look at the triad.

So what is the triad? The triad talks about your physiology; how are you standing, how are you, what is that physiology? When you’re the most confident you’ve ever been, how do you stand? For most of us it’s chest up, heart up, lifted to the world, head up. We stand up tall, we feel great, our feet are grounded in there. So number one is physiology.

Number two is patterns of focus, so what are you focusing on in that moment. So the second part of that triad is, what are you focusing on? So when you’re confident, what are you focusing on? For a lot of people, when we teach confidence, we want them to focus on a success that they’ve had in the past, so something more recent, but really just a success they’ve had. So go ahead and try that. So we’re starting with physiology, stand up tall and straight, belly button in, chests out, our shoulders back, looking good, feet grounded, and then focus on a success that you’ve had recently, some time when you just knocked it out of the park. You feel like you’re on top of the world, you could bench press the world, you’re just super strong.

Part three of that triad is patterns of language and meaning, so that means, what did you make it mean in that moment, right? So you’re standing that physiology, you have that success, and now what did you make that success mean? What did you make that environment mean? Did you make it mean like, “Yes, I got the deal, I closed it. That means I am a great businessman,” or a businesswoman, or whatever it is for you. What did you make that mean?

So we look at that triad, I want you to draw a triangle, and so on each side we have physiology, we have patterns of focus, and then we have to mean. So that’s your triad, what’d you make that mean. So write down a few examples for each of those that you listed in part one. So write down love; so what is your physiology to feel love? Like, when you felt the most love, what does your body look like? How do you stand, how do you feel, how do you move when you’re feeling love? Then also, what are you focusing on when you’re feeling love? Are you focusing on yourself, kind of the spotlight effect? Are you focusing on giving back to other people? What is it you’re focusing on. And the third part of that triad, remember, is what does it mean? What did you make that mean to feel love? Does it mean that you know, “I did something really well, and therefore I’m worthy of love,” or does that mean just, “Love flows through me,” what does it mean for you? So that’s the third part of the triad.

Now the next step, when you write in a journal, I want you to think about those things, those … So one is the feelings, two is the triad, so with each of those feelings you’ve written these down. So go ahead and put this on pause if you need to, and on the next step what I want you to do is, how can you intensify those feelings? How can you really amplify them? So maybe picturing this event, this feeling of confidence, how can you ramp it up? So maybe you’ve closed a deal, and that makes you confident, and this deal was a $10,000 sale. I’m just making this up obviously. Now I want you to amplify it. What if that was a $100,000 sale, how would you feel then? Like, what kind of confidence would you have in yourself as a businesswoman? What would you really feel in that moment? Amplify that.

Now, I want you to write that down for each section, how can you amplify that feeling. The feelings of joy, the feelings of happiness, the feelings of love, the feelings of confidence, those feelings that you wrote down in step number one. And you can always expand upon this. So this is the next step in this progression.

Now, the next thing I want you to do, is to do the exact same pattern, so those three things I just asked you to do, but now I want you to do them for your disempowering beliefs, right? So when you’re feeling sad, when you’re feeling not worthy, “I’m not enough, I’m not lovable,” what are those things, you know, “I’m not good looking enough,” whatever it is for you. I want you to through that same process and recognize it.

So if you’re watching this in the video, you know, what does this look like? I’m standing up tall, if you’re listening to this, my shoulders are back and down; do I look confident, do I look happy, do I look assertive? And if you can imagine this as if you’re working out right now, assume that posture. Now, what about someone who’s sad, what’s the physiology of somebody who’s sad or depressed, right? Shoulders are slumped, the head is down, they’re looking, they’re talking slower, they may be swaying back and forth a little bit, their tonality has changed. That is just their physiology, you can recognize that.

Now, by just changing that physiology you can actually change the states, and if you go through the whole triad of what you’re focusing on and what it means, along with the physiology, that allows you to experience those emotions more, and that gives you the advantage of taking that 95%, so those patterns of feeling, and emphasizing more on the patterns that you want to feel, the feelings of success. And so I want you to go into those states as often as possible. So this could be, you know, driving in your car. You can remember this exercise and go into the pattern, so you are using repetition to experience it more.

Think of this as a record, right? If I play a song over, and over, and over again, even if you don’t like that song, I can guarantee you’re gonna start singing it. Over time it, just subconsciously, these patterns get within us. They embody us. And so what this is allowing you to do is two things. One, recognize those patterns and the ways of being that you don’t want, so when you’re in them you can change, right? You can make a shift, and you can use the five-second rule or something else that works for you.

The second thing this is gonna allow you to do, is practice being in those patterns that you wanna be in. Practice makes perfect, and when you’re practicing them you may feel stupid, right? You may feel like, “I’m just laughing ’cause I wanna experience more joy, and really what is there to laugh about Doug? I don’t get it.” But if you’re practicing on a day to day basis, a moment by moment basis, driving in your car, in the bathroom while you’re taking a shower, or just walking, or sitting in a line, if you’re practicing these things, they become habitual, they become just part of you, they become part of what you’re doing.

You know, people ask me sometimes, “Why are you so confident? Like, [inaudible 00:08:36] able to start these businesses?” Or, “Why are you happy?” Because I’ve trained myself to be, it’s not because I was just born this way, and I’ve gone through high school, and all the trials and tribulations that everybody else goes through in life, and they just didn’t affect me. No, no, it’s the opposite, right? They did affect me, and I tried to figure out ways to grow. And I hired mentors and coaches throughout my life to help me better myself, and I’ve learned this way of being, and I’m practicing the patterns that make me successful. I’m practicing the patterns to allow me to be the author of my own story, as I’ve written it. And I want you to do the same. So my patterns are gonna be different than yours, the experiences I wanna experience are gonna be slightly different as well, but this gives you control and the opportunity to step into the author of your own story lifestyle.

Now, I know this is a longer Daily Growth Hack than I normally do, and it’s much more tactical, but I wanted to give you this opportunity. We go into a lot more depth in the Author of Your Own Story University, and as you can imagine, this is a full hour, an in-depth exercise that we typically would go through, and do repeated patterns of correction. So what I want you to do is, just try this out yourself. Get your journal and do it. Remember, you have to do the work, listening to this just isn’t enough. Go over to AuthorOfYourOwnStory.com, make sure you get on that newsletter, make sure you’re staying up to date with these tools, tricks, and techniques on a regular basis. We’re also gonna give you exclusive information over there, and I want you to have that advantage. I want you to have that one percent advantage over everybody else, just because you can be the author of your own story. Now, this isn’t a competitive thing, when I say one percent above everybody else, but that’s one percent better, that means you are improving incrementally, just so you can uplift those around you.

That’s it for me today. Remember, go out and be the author of your own story.

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I Need Space

So, last night, my wife turned to me and just said, “I just need a little space.” I had a business partner coming over and so I packed my computer bag and got ready so we could actually go and work outside of our office. I have the great lifestyle where I’m able to work from home or work remotely and I left and my wife was fine. Now, what made me think about this is, what would have the Doug of five years ago done? Well, I would have created a story. She needs space. What does this mean? What did I do wrong? Is something wrong in our marriage and our relationships? Oh, my gosh, what’s happening and how can I fix it? I would have immediately gone to this negative side, this negative commentary inside of my mind.

But, the truth of it is, is we have a newborn and she’s with that newborn all day. The only time she gets free time is when she’s shopping or doing a few other things around the house. It’s just not fair. And all she was saying is, “Look, I just need to recharge my batteries. I need some adult conversation and at this point, you’re the only adult conversation I’m having. I just want to recharge. I just want to do something I want to do, Doug, so do you mind just giving me a few moments?”

I came back an hour later and walked immediately into my office to continue to give her that free space. It wasn’t 10 more minutes that she came knocking on my office door, giving me a big, loving hug, and what she said is, “Thank you so much for giving that space. Now, all I want to do is be with you. I want to hang out with you and spend time with you.”

Now, again, five years ago I would have created all these stories. All this inner dialogue and drama about what it could mean. What could she mean by space? And I could have made all of this up and I would have then spent the last hour, maybe two, three hours, I would have stayed out all night, maybe stayed at a friends house to give her more space because I had all these stories going on. And then what else is going on in my head? You know, how often do we create these stories in our relationships, but also in the areas of our mind, of our body? We make up stories about our body and what it means. My knees hurt, oh man, that means I’m getting older. Oh wait a minute, actually, it really means that I took this supplement or I’m on this medication or maybe I did heavy squats the other day and, of course, my knees hurt a little bit.

We associate these meanings without finding out the facts. We also, as you know from listening to the previous Daily Growth Hacks, 95% of our decisions come from our emotions. We get to choose which emotions we experience, we also get to choose what it means. Remember the triad. So, what I did differently, now, and this is going through things just like these Daily Growth Hacks, going through coaches, seminars, mentors, is I changed the way it meant. I just said, “you know, I don’t know what it means. She asked for space and that’s all she needs is space.” I’m a natural introvert, so I recharge my batteries by myself. I always need space and I take it every single day. And so my wife is just asking me in a loving way of what she needs. I just took it as that and went out and did what I needed to do for business, with my business partner, had a good time and came back. What I came back to, since I had clear energy, I was happy. I was very secure with myself, very grounded in what I was doing, so when my wife came up to me and said, “Hey look, I just want to spend time with you.” I was there for her. I was present. I didn’t have all this gobbledy gook going on in my head.

When someone says, “I need space.” It made me think about where else in my life, in my Five to Thrive, am I making sure that I’m not making up a story? I’m not making up a story about what happened. So, in business, when a client says, “I need to talk to you.” How many times do you go, “Oh my gosh, what happened? Did something slip through the cracks? Did someone on my team do something or send an email to the wrong client? Confidential files? You know, we deal with a lot of confidential information, gosh, what could have happened?” And that client could reach out to you, and it’s happened to me many times and just said, “Geez, Doug, I want to thank you, your team’s amazing, you’ve helped me grow my business. I just wanted to thank you.”

Now, back in the day, I would have made up a whole story and ruined all that day with stress and worry and ruined those thousand little moments between that and that phone call to receive that compliment. The truth is, I wouldn’t have been able to take that compliment because I would have been so on edge, that that compliment would have been like, “Oh, okay, great.” And I just wouldn’t have been able to take it in.

Fast forward to today, and just remembering about controlling my emotions and thinking about needing space as the analogy, that it’s just what people say and not creating a story around it. So, here’s what I want you to do and the insight that I want you to get from my experience is write out your Five to Thrive. I want you to write out times in your day when you’ve heard something or created a story that doesn’t exist. It’s not factual. You couldn’t actually stand in front of a court and say these are the absolute facts. For example, my wife said she needed space, which means I’m doing something wrong, she doesn’t love me. None of that’s factual. The only fact is my wife said she needed space. That’s the only fact there.

So, often times, what I want you to do is write out that paragraph and just highlight the facts. Highlight any facts that are in there. Now, I’ve done this exercise in the past, in fact, I did it almost 15 years ago as I recall, and I wrote two pages out and when I went back and highlighted the facts, I only highlighted about two to three lines of those two pages. It was absolutely amazing. The rest is all story that I created about a past experience in my life. When I was able to free myself of that, I was just laughing. I was just like, “Oh my gosh. I’ve had this whole story walking around, but the truth is, the facts were really small and I can make them mean anything I want.” I was able to change that and I was able to change my story and write a new chapter in my story moving forward, and that’s what I want for you.

So, write your Five to Thrive, and then write out what in each of those areas, if any, you’re making up stories. Just write those facts out and now, flip the script. Write the story the way you want. And you could say, life is empty and meaningless and it’s empty and meaningless that it’s empty and meaningless, right? Your old landmark thing. Or you could just simply say, this is just the facts and that’s the way it is or you can twist it and make sure that story serves you. If you’re able to write your own story, why wouldn’t you write a story that serves you to your higher purpose? That’s what I want for you today.

That’s it for me. Remember to go to AuthorofYourOwnStory.com, where you can get the latest tips, tricks, and techniques and make sure you’re on the newsletters so you can get exclusive information. We never spam you, so you’re just going to get information that’s going to better your life, better your Five to Thrive and better the people around you and that’s what I want for you, so you can go out and be the author of your own story.

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