I was talking to a client just last week who is going through a lot of pain. They’re going through a breakup, or what seemed like a breakup in their marriage. Now, they didn’t know if this breakup was going to result in just separation because they definitely were going down that path, or full divorce or even just complete hatred, dividing of their physical belongings, but also their children. Most of the business owners I work with are married and have kids, and this pain conversation comes up often.

I’m going to share with you the three choices you have when you receive pain. I’ll show you examples of how it applied to him. Now, the first thing and the role that he fell into, which I would say probably 90% of us fall into. When we encounter pain, the first thing we do is we start to either ignore it or blame other people. Now, what this does is allows us to play the victim role. We blame events, we blame other people, or we blame ourselves. In this case, for this gentleman, he was blaming his wife, his spouse for what she was doing, and more importantly, what she wasn’t doing and blaming the events that occurred, that had led up to this situation where they definitely were going down separation, but more than likely, headed down divorce. That’s the first thing you can do. You can blame events, you can blame self, you can blame other people, whatever it is. That’s choice number one.

Now, choice number two is when pain happens, you can change your conditions. You can change things around you. You can change what you’re doing and what have you. This is a choice that they were making. They were separating. They were changing their conditions. Now, he was taking both of these going on blaming her, blaming the events, and then, really, changing his conditions by separating. He had already moved out of the house. He had already moved his things in, was buying furniture by the time our session came up and he was telling me all about his situation.

That’s the second thing that can come up. When pain hits us, we may progress … Usually, it’s a progression. We blame someone else or others, maybe even we blame ourselves. “Oh, poor me. I’m the victim,” or, “I’m not good enough,” and we’ve talked about that. If you’re feeling like you’re not good enough, go back to a previous daily growth hack. We talk about ways to overcome that kind of self-talk.

But we’ll change our conditions. We’ll change our conditions. Now, this can be positively, or it could be negatively, and oftentimes, we’re changing our conditions because we’re running from something. We’re running away from the problem or running away from the pain because pain isn’t something most people run towards. It hurts. That’s why it’s called pain. You don’t want it.

But there is a third choice, and the third choice I’m going to recommend that you really look forward to or look towards when you encounter pain in your life, and that’s changing your blueprint. Blueprint really has to do with your physiology, your focus, and the meaning. Physiology, how you’re standing. Are you upset, you angry, or are you standing a confident, poised position? Get your physiology straight. Your physiology helps your psychology, and getting those two together really bridges the gap.

Then changing what you focus on. All too often, when pain comes, we just focus on that pain, which then seems to stack the pain. The pain builds when we focus on it. When we choose to focus on what’s positive though, the pain seems to dissipate. It doesn’t hurt as much. Now, I see this, I have a one-year-old son. He falls down. He just start crying and screaming. If I pick him up and I change his focus on something else … For example, I was making breakfast. He fell down. I picked him up. I changed his focus on my cooking. Instantly, he stopped crying. He forgot the pain. Yeah, it still hurt him a little it, but he forgot, and he was into what I was doing.

Now, this is a gross exaggeration, but the same thing happens to us. When I look at my client, he was focusing on what his wife wasn’t doing. He was focusing on the failure of his relationship and calling himself a failure. He was focusing on the negative. When we got him to switch that standing up tall and straight and focusing on all the great things that he had built, the things that they had cherished … They have beautiful kids together. He had a lot of great things to be focusing on.

Then changing the meaning. Now, what does this separation mean? Well, to him, it meant failure. He failed in the relationship. He wasn’t a good husband. He wasn’t a good man, and therefore, wasn’t a good person, but when he changed the focused and then changed the meaning, what does that mean to you, he saw an opportunity. He saw a way. He said, “Wow, this separation actually could be a way for my wife and I to come together stronger, a time for me to become a better husband, a better man,” something I call the bulletproof dad. He saw this now as an opportunity, and his energy just increased, energy increased dramatically, and the pain, he physiologically looked 10 years younger, and I was having a video conversation with him about this.

What I’m telling you now is you have three choices to make, and I recommend you to choose door number three each and every time. Yeah, for most of us, we still go through the escalation ladder of getting angry, getting upset, and then maybe changing our conditions, but the more and more you practice this, you go through that escalation ladder quicker, and you close that gap. Then right away, you go right into your blueprint.

If you’ve been practicing this for a long time, this might even take you as little as five seconds or less to give into that and go, “Okay, what can I focus on? What do I make it mean?” If you have a lost love one or something like that, what can you make it mean? Change your physiology. Change what you focus on, and then change your meaning, and that will give you power, passion, and opportunity.

That’s it for me today. As always, share this with at least three people so you can build your tribe and have conversations that matter, and if someone shared this with you, that means they think that you can play at this game, and so congratulations. That’s a huge compliment to you. I ask you to pay it forward to somebody else as well.

Then of course if you’re interested in having conversations like this that go to a much deeper level where we actually bring in other experts, talk about subjects as such a higher level, go over in just look at the Author of Your Own Story University. There’s an application process, but make sure you apply so you have the opportunity to get in when a seat opens up for you.

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Recently someone told me that you have to beware of your past because you’re going to follow that past with you, whatever you’re doing. I had to say, “I disagree.” In my experience, history only repeats itself if that’s where you’re living, right? The past does not dictate your future unless you’re living in the past.

All too often, many of us are living in the past, right? We’re looking at our past failures, things that have happened to us, we’re looking at that, and we’re living into our futures. I can’t do that, because I’ve failed in the past, or so-and-so hurt me, or, I was hurt when I was in a relationship, or when I try to start my own business I failed. When you live in the past, history does repeat itself, and history does have control over you. Your past has control over you only when you live in it.

Now I’m going to invite you to live in the present, right? Think about the future, but live in the present, right here, right now, that’s all we have. We know that, right? You know that I do too, but all too often we look at the past, and then we start living into that, right? We live into those failures, and that takes us away from possibility, from the possibilities of being the author of our own story. If you’re going to live in the past, you can’t write your own story, ’cause basically, it’s just taking the same page over, and over again, and returning it, that’s boring, no one’s going to read that book, including you.

What I’m going to invite you to do is grab your journal and write out, where are you living in your past? Is that past dictating your future? Can you live in the present? You see, history or your past doesn’t dictate or control your future. Wherever you were, or you’ve been, whether you’ve been down and out, people have broken up with you, you’ve been hurt, loved ones have pushed you aside, you’ve failed in business, or maybe it’s in your body, or your spirituality, that doesn’t dictate your future unless you live there. Right here, right now in this moment, you can dictate your future, and where you’re going to go, it’s a choice, and I invite you to join me on the journey of being the author of your own story.

That’s it for me today. I really encourage you to do these exercises that we put out there. If you don’t do the work, you’re just really getting educational growth bubble gum, right? It doesn’t help you. You have to do the work. So journal this exercise, and share it with at least three people, three people that you want to have conversations that matter.

If you’re one of those three people that actually someone shared this with, congratulations, you’re loved, somebody actually thinks very highly of you, so that’s awesome. You can go celebrate that today, right? Not many people get that opportunity to have something like this shared with them. Then, make sure you’re on the newsletter. The reason I want you to be on the newsletter is not so I can sell you stuff, or anything like that, you can unsubscribe at any time, my job is to give you tremendous value. Get on the newsletter, so you get the latest information from Author of Your Own Story, and the things that we’re up to, so that way we can help you grow.

Our goal is to reach, selfishly, one million people, ’cause it’s going to make me feel better to help one million people, so it’s a selfish goal. I want you to be one of those people. It starts with getting on the newsletter. If you choose to opt in, or join in to the University, you’re welcome to do that as well, just fill out the application, otherwise, I will see you tomorrow, make sure you go out and inspire someone simply by being the author of your own story.

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One of the greatest fears in life is that we are not enough. This is a fundamental fear that crosses all cultures, religions and destinations. We fear that we’re not enough. We’re not enough to be loved. We’re not enough in our business. We’re not enough in our fitness and our health. We’re not good looking enough. We’re not smart enough. We’re not clever enough. We’re not funny enough. We’re not good enough to be a millionaire. We’re not good enough to be a billionaire. We’re not good enough even to make an extra $1,000 a month. We’re not good enough to be in the Author of Your Own Story University. I heard that recently. We’re not good enough to take this journey. We’re not good enough to hire a high level coach and invest in ourselves.

You see, I used to think I wasn’t good enough all the time. I actually implemented into a daily practice, into my morning routine, sitting in front of the mirror and sometimes, if I didn’t have a mirror handy, I would just say it or I look into a camera and say it where I can use that camera like a mirror and say, “I am enough. I am perfect just the way I am right now. I am enough. I am perfect just the way I am right now.” I invite you to try this in your morning routine and evening routine if you’re able to do so.

An easy way of doing this is right after you brush your teeth. If you’re brushing your teeth in the morning and in the evening, usually we do it in the bathroom. We do it in front of a mirror. What you can do is right there, is you can look in that mirror and just repeat to yourself, look into your own eyes, the windows to the soul and say that. Say, “I am enough. I am perfect just the way I am right now.” Say that at least two times. Now, I recommend doing it even more, up to five times but a minimum two. Two will get you started and doing that twice a day.

What you’re going to find is all of a sudden, you’re going to feel lighter. You’re going to feel better and when you feel better, you project more confidence, you project more passion, things start to come to you in life. You start to make more money. You start to get the deals. You start to meet people in different relationships because you’re vibrating on a different level. We’ve all been around somebody who’s been a dud. Shoulders slouched and just depressed and you’re just like, “I don’t want to be around that person.” On the flip side, we’ve also been around that person who’s extremely charismatic, who has a passion for life and you just want to be around that person at all times.

This helps you do it. By repeating this mantra, so to speak of, “I am enough. I am perfect just the way I am right now,” this allows you to have more confidence and over time, you just sublimely, like a song in your head, just start believing it. I recommend you say this with love and passion. Love yourself. You are amazing. If you’re listening to this daily growth hack or watching this video, you are one of the very few people that are trying to better themselves to better the world and I applaud you because you are enough and you are perfect the way you are, right here and right now.

That’s it for me today. Make sure you share this with at least three other people, so they can get something out of this and you can have conversations that matter. Always go to the authorofyourownstory.com if you haven’t already and get on our newsletter. There are two questions I send you and I’d love to get your reply, so we can have a dialogue together. I want to get to know you better. That’s one of the reasons I do these daily growth hacks. Also, of course, go to the Author of Your Own Story University. If you haven’t applied for the membership, go ahead and apply. There’s no charge for the application but you’re going to get on your path to being the Author of Your Own Story a lot faster. I can guarantee you that.

All right. Have an amazing day. Go out and inspire someone by being the author of your own story because you are enough. I’ll see you tomorrow.

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Oftentimes in the past, I used to find myself comparing myself to others. In the area of fitness and health, I would look around and I thought of myself as an athlete. You can joke about it all you want. I played sports pretty competitively. And even on the field, the soccer field … soccer was my game … I would compare myself. Am I as good enough? Am I as fast as this other guy? Am I as strong? Am I as tough on the ball? I would always be comparing myself.

And at the end of the end, there was always someone who was faster than me, or somebody else on the field who was just stronger than me, or somebody else on the field who could kick the ball further than I could. I was always in a losing battle because I was picking little micro-segments to compare myself with different people.

In the area of business, I did this, as well. There was a business owner who had more clients than I did or a business owner who was making more money than I was or a business owner who was taking more vacations. Or perhaps it was in relationships when I was dating. Maybe it was somebody else who had a better-looking girlfriend or his girlfriend was nicer and treated him better than I did.

Whatever it was. I was comparing myself in all these micro-segments in my life, and just really getting depressed. Because when you compare yourself to other people, you really don’t know their story. This is why it’s Author of Your Own Story because your story is going to be different than mine. If you compare yourself to me, you don’t know what goes on behind the scenes, and maybe it’s not what you want. Maybe you don’t my life of the digital nomad where I’m traveling anywhere I want to. Maybe I have a family and you just don’t want one. Whatever it is.

When we live in the world of comparison, it only sets us up for depression and failure. There’s always going to be someone or something that’s perceived to be better. Now if you’re going to compare, compare yourself to your previous self. This is a great way of doing it. I would say, when I’m talking to a potential client who wants to work with me personally on a coaching basis or with one of my coaches, the thing that I most often hear is, “I’m in the same place today that I was a year or two years ago” or “I feel stuck.” Really what they’re saying is I haven’t grown. I haven’t grown at the level that I know I’m capable of. And that’s why I’m willing to invest time, money and energy into a high-level coach, someone who’s going to push me and pull me into that direction.

But asking you right here, right now, compare yourself only to your former self. By comparing yourself to others, you just set yourself up for failure, and again, you don’t know that person’s path. You don’t know that person’s journey, and you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes.

You see, when I was comparing myself on the soccer field, for example, I was comparing myself to someone who was faster than me … which was easy to do, by the way, because most people were faster than me … but when I was comparing myself, that person who was faster than me wasn’t as strong as I was. I was stronger than they were and I was able to push them off the ball. But then when I compared myself to the person who was stronger than me, I was actually faster than them.

When you look at this as a comparison level, you just don’t know. Or maybe they were just all around a better athlete, but they didn’t know how to run a business. Or maybe they had a bad relationship. Or maybe they just were better than me. It didn’t matter. When I compared myself to myself and tried to be 1% better, that gave me a level that I could always keep rising, because I know my journey and I knew where I was. And I invite you to do the same.

I’m going to ask you to grab your journal. Write out your five to thrive and where you are in there and have you been improving incrementally over the past six months? If the answer is yes, I applaud you and keep it up. Don’t compare yourself to others. Just look back at your own progress. Hopefully, you’re doing the 90 Day Game. If you don’t know what the 90 Day Game is, go ahead and shoot us a message at Author of Your Own Story, and we’ll let you know. There’s also something in the Seven Day Jump Start to being the author of your own story, that covers the 90 Day Game. It’s a free course that we put out there just to get you as a jump start or a catalyst on your journey.

Then in your journal, what I want you to do is look at where you’re going. And so if you haven’t improved, reach out. We can help you. We have several things that we’ve done, besides these daily growth hacks. We have courses on authorofyourownstory.com that allow you to further your education.

The Author of Your Own Story University is extremely affordable and an entire growth process that you can drive into. I can’t emphasize this enough. I think everybody should be on this program. But of course, what I want you to do is share this with three people, so you have conversations like this and have people to keep you accountable for your growth. Now don’t compare yourself with those three people, because you’re only comparing yourself to your former self. You’re only comparing yourself to your former self. I’ll say it again. Make sure you’re doing that.

And then, of course, go over to authorofyourownstory.com and get on that newsletter. It’s just a way for you to get there. You can unsubscribe any time. We all know how to do that, but this way you’re guaranteed to get the latest tips, tricks, and techniques delivered right to your inbox.

That’s it for me today. I will see you tomorrow. Have an amazing day. Go out and inspire someone simply by being the author of your own story.

If you like these daily growth hacks, it would mean the world to us if you would take a moment to subscribe and review us on iTunes!